Consequences
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: Princess Eleanor has always lived life by her own set of rules. She's never listened to anyone's warning but her life is about to take an ugly unforgettable turn. Will her news be what finally tears the Monarchy apart? Was she set up for this fall? Fanfiction for the new TV Show The Royals.
1. Chapter 1 Unforgettable

**Consequences**

**Princess Eleanor p o v**

Music was pumping loudly through the speakers of the underground club. The volume was so intense I was surprised the club hadn't been raided by the cops yet.

It was well past one am I was sure of that. I wasn't exactly sure of what time it was but well past the bedtime for most commoners.

For me it was the perfect time to come alive.

_Hit me!_

I slammed the shot glass down on the bartenders table. The hesitating bartender who probably wasn't older than 17 looked at me questionably.

I guess I couldn't blame him the chap looked so young more than likely his first job to pay his university fees.

Clubs did have rules as to how much they were suppose to serve costumers. Well I wasn't just any costumer.

I had no limits.

_I said hit me_

_You know who I am don't ya?_

I never stopped dancing he was cute the way he nodded his head the way his eyes tried to avoid looking at my private. Even though the tight sliver dress barely covered me.

Of course he knew. Everyone bloody knew who I was.

_Yes your highness_

_Good I'm glad to see your not living under a rock_

_No Ma'am_

_Than fill up my fucking glass! Lets get this shit popping!_

Everyone cheered as I raised my full glass up raising theirs with me. Guys and girls grinded with me against me. I leaned to my left kissing one girl fully on her lips. Than to my right kissing some guy.

Raising my glass I shouted out.

_Fuck the queen and the monarchy!_

Everyone cheered screaming out with me as I downed the last glass he learned quickly to refill as fast as I drank.

Glasses appeared before me I downed them almost as fast as they appeared.

With each shot and each pill I popped I drowned out the god awful voice.

_Your a disgrace Eleanor _

_It should have been you_

Crissy held back my hair as I snorted a line.

_Not my precious son_

_Robert was a good man_

I danced on a table with two girls. I didn't know either kicking up my already tight skirt twerking my butt.

Strong male hands slapped my butt the slaps were harder than normal or maybe I was just so canned out of my bloody mind they felt stronger. Either way I loved it and laughed louder. Hands traveled up my body.

Another shot music wasn't the only thing pumping through my veins. His arms wrapped around me tightly as we slowly grinded.

The shots kept coming the voices grew louder as I grew dizzier.

_Robert had intentions, integrity,_

_He stood for something _

_Something noble something pure_

_Robert fought for his country _

_He should be alive_

Shot after shot line after line the hours blurred with each pill, drink and joint_**.**_

His mouth was on my throat making my speech impossible his touch felt cold but my sweat made it seem like electric.

His voice echoed through my head as my body grinded against his private.

_I'll make sure this night is unforgettable your highness_

I could only laugh deeply blowing smoke in his face as I smiled oh he was so foolish.

Twirling a piece of his long brown hair in my fingers.

_All my nights are unforgettable _

_That's why I fucking love my nights_

_Forgetting is easy _

_Remembering is hard_

I turned away but he grabbed my hand. Who the hell did this dude think he was? I looked around Jasper stood a few feet away. That smug blackmailing look on his face.

Fuck him I turned back to no name. He wasn't half bad looking tall chiseled chest hazel eyes. His feet were huge and well we know what they say about huge feet now don't we.

_This could be entertaining _

I blew out another puff.

_So you think you got what it takes to please her highness?_

_I do your majesty_

He grinned pulling me to him with such speed. I nearly dropped my fag. This dude was trying too hard. He started kissing my neck squeezing my bum.

Everything became a blur how we ended up in my bed. Her voice still echoing in my head.

_They always take the good ones_

_Why couldn't they take you _

_Cause like you said Mother they take the good ones_

_Bitches like me we never die_

My groans filled the room as he entered me his mouth traveled down my body biting my breasts.

My whole body reacted. My legs wrapped around his waist with every thrust my walls tightened.

He did lie about one thing he was forgettable even as he was thrusting inside of me. All I could think about was how much I needed another pill. Even as he started pumping faster and harder. I was reaching for the wine.

Closing my eyes I inhaled the smoke deeply. The weed made everything better. I popped a few extra pills.

Hours passed our bodies moved as one but I was checked out for most of it.

I felt like I was floating on clouds as my eyes slowly pried open seeing the young man getting dressed.

I groaned covering my eyes pulling the blankets up further covering my bare breasts.

_Thanks for the thrill_

_Yea your welcome I'm sure I'm glad you got something out of it_

_I'm still waiting to climax so much for the promise of an unforgettable night_

He turned at the door as I blew out smoke.

_Oh I'm not done_

_Yeah you are I'll finish myself off thanks_

_**Now get out**_

_Sometimes words speak louder than actions princess_

_Get out _

I yelled as he laughed what the hell was this dude's problem?

_Here are a few words you won't ever forget_

_**I said get out**_

I was growing inpatient now my teeth grinding making my words crisp with each symbol barked. There was a tightness forming at the base of my skull.

_I have aids_

I froze.

**Thank you for taking the time to read. Hope you enjoyed this first chapter for this story based on the wonderful exciting heart pounding new E show The Royals. Alexandra Park the actress who plays Princess Eleanor is a fabulous, beautiful, young talent with a bright future ahead. I encourage everyone to check out this new show. I will warn you it is a bit explicit for the younger audiences. So get parental permission before watching.**

**If you liked this chapter and want to see more please review or tweet me mileycfan4eva don't forget to check out The Royals on E Sundays at Ten. Also follow them on twitter TheRoyalsonE on facebook and instagram. Also Follow AlexandraPark1 for all the latest in Royal news.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Princess Eleanor p o v**

Shaking as I lay in bed. I was still in shock his words spinning around in my head. Chills running through my body.

**Aids**

**Aids...**

**I have Aids**

What kind of sick perverted bastard joked about something so serious?

It had to be a joke right? I mean there's no way any of this could be real?

Mum's voice kept ringing inside my head all her warnings and rants over the last few years. My body felt cold and numb.

_Your a common whore Eleanor_

_Damn it when will you wake up and understand what your doing?_

_Why are you throwing your life away?_

_You think this is all fun and games_

_It's not Eleanor it's your life_

How did I get to this? Why didn't I listen? Because she's a bitch that's why she's always trying to control me she doesn't care about me she only cares about this family's damn image.

But dad he did care..

_All these features you see in me that you say make me a great king_

_I see them in you everyday _

_Don't medicate all that wonder_

Tears fell down my face as I curled my legs up closer to my body shaking uncontrollably. Screaming into my pillow. I started to cry hysterically pulling the covers over my head.

Who would ever want this life?

I was so cold from my head to my toes.

How could I be so stupid so careless?

Did I just seal my own fate?

What if I really am HIV positive?

Exhaustion and fear washed through me I felt sick. Taking a swig from my wine. I shut off the lights and curled up under my covers.

Could not knowing be any easier? Maybe if I never got tested I would never have to face the reality of what he had said.

Was that just plain stupid?

My eyes felt as heavy as my cold dark heart.

**If you enjoyed this pls review or tweet me mileycfan4eva also pls check out the Royals on E Sundays at 10 pm.**

**Follow Alexandra Park on twitter at alexandrapark1 and elizabethhurley who plays queen Helena.**

**Thank you for taking the time to read. Also I own none of these fabulous characters. That honor belongs to the amazing Mark Schwahn.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three **

**Princess Eleanor**

_Eleanor honestly can't you just try to look a little more presentable? _

Mum's voice cut through my ear as I stood on one of our balconies smoking a fag. I barely managed to crawl out of bed. The only reason I did was too calm my damn nerves.

Six lines of coke two wine bottles later I was still a nervous wreck.

Mum and her assistants Rachael and Lucius came out. Rachael made a big production of waving the smoke out of her face. Rolling my eyes I leaned over the balcony staring at the stars.

_Eleanor this is getting old_

_Sleeping in your room all day isn't normal_

_You need help_

Too late for that mother. I didn't answer, God how I wanted to. I needed her to wrap her arms around me. Tell me that everything would be okay. Tell me that she loved me, She'd be there for me that she believed in me.

_Your nothing Eleanor_

_When this is all over you will be nothing you contribute nothing _

_Your worthless Eleanor_

Nope I would never hear those words form my mother I held back tears as I heard those words echo in my head.

_Eleanor_

I blinked and looked up to see my mother standing in front of me her hand shaking as she touched my arm. My skin felt like it was crawling. Every hair was standing up. Tears pooled up as I fought off the urge to bury myself in her arms.

Her perfume drove me back to memories of me as a kid. She wasn't always this cold to me. I thought back to when I was eight and I was learning to ride a bike. I had fallen off and skinned my knee so bad blood was gushing out.

Crying and pissed off I slammed down the bike as Rachael yelled at me about being spoiled and irresponsible. Mum shushed her came over and took me in her arms and held me wiping away my tears. Kissing my check telling me she loved me and it was just a little sting. Than she carried me upstairs and gently cleaned my wound as she sung to me.

_Eleanor this is not the image I cultivated for our family_

I shock my head coming back to the present that mother was long gone. I felt her finger lift my chin to look her straight into her eyes.

What was she feeling towards me now?

I couldn't read her eyes they were the same ice blue that I always admired as a little girl. Now though they seemed number.

_Your ruining this family with your selfish self destructive behavior _

She'd never understand. She'd never care.

_She needs rehab queen Helena_

What the hell Rachael? Who did this bitch think she was? Telling my mother what I needed. Getting more angry. I tried to loosen my mother's grip on my elbow but she held firm.

_I'm not going to rehab_

_I'm fine!_

_There's nothing wrong with me_

_Eleanor_

I glared at Rachael blowing smoke directly into her face she coughed gaging.

_It's Princess Eleanor to you commoner_

_You better curtsy when you address me to_

She looked to my mother to correct me but my mother for once stayed quite. Only slightly rubbing my arm.

_My pardons your royal highness_

Her teeth were clenched.

_But your not fine your parting till all hours of the night_

_Your snorting and ingesting countless drugs _

_Your drinking till you pass out you have two Std's Syphilis and The Clap_

I saw my mom cringe and put her head down shaking it. Was she sad at this? Did she even give a damn?We had never directly addressed this issue. I knew she knew she had to she gets the bills she pays for all my doctor appointments and approves all my medications.

_Your baked out of your mind now Princess Eleanor and it's only 6 pm_

_Your standing in full view of paps in just your undergarments there's dark circles under your eyes_

_You've lost 30 pounds in less than two months_

_You need help_

_What I need is for everyone to stop trying to control my effing life_

I shoved my mum who gasped as I took off.

_Eleanor!_

_Shove it mum!_

I ran down to my room Jaspers eyes followed me as I slammed my door.

My head was spinning as I laid down covering myself.

The ringing of my cell woke me up as I saw Ophelia had texted me.

**Ophelia: R U up Eleanor? Get your ass down here were clubbing 2nite**

Groaning I looked at the time it was 10 pm now damn I really had slept the day away. Grabbing my bong I lite it up and blew.

Several minutes past before I felt better. Did I want to go out tonight? Would it help? Would laying here feeling sorry for myself help?

I texted her back.

**Eleanor: B ready in an hr bitch thx**

My door opened scaring the hell out of me.

_It's time princess _

_No it's not Jasper I'm sick and exhausted_

_No Princess your drunk and high_

He unzipped his pants coming over I felt sick.

_You can keep playing game Princess_

_Just remember I have the power one click away _

_Think how fast Rachael will eat this up _

_Princess turns porn star_

I closed my eyes as he climbed on top of the bed grabbing my hair. I gasped pain racked through my body. Tears welled up for the millionth time today as he entered me roughly.

How did I end up like this?

FML

**If you enjoyed this pls review or tweet me mileycfan4eva also pls check out the Royals on E Sundays at 10 pm.**

**Follow Alexandra Park on twitter at alexandrapark1 and elizabethhurley who plays queen Helena.**

**Any ideas or suggestions for plot twists pls Review or pm me or tweet me. Thanks for reading favoring and following.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ophelia**

_The way she's looking at you _

_You can tell Liam_

His look showed his confusion. He was more than a little drunk it was pretty safe to say he was also a little high. He wasn't sloppy or stumbling but he was a little slower to comprehend things than normal.

High as he was he was still concerned for his sister who was beyond high.

_Phi I _

_Shh Liam_

He kept trying to watch as Leni dipped her slender bony back over another girls stomach both girls were getting drinks poured into their mouths as they kissed between the pouring liquids.

Gemma meanwhile was grinding on the table swinging her slender porcelain skin skimming her way up puckering her lips.

_Phi what are you talking_

_Gemma Liam I'm talking about Gemma _

_The way she's looking at you _

_She loves you and it's killing her_

_She won't get over it Liam_

_She can't_

Liam looked at me with that look again. Damn what was it about being young and rich beyond limits? Did it make you dumb? Make you feel so entitled so privileged. You never have to open your eyes and see what was right in front of you?

Maybe the royal family should spend some more time and unlimited funds on some new classes.

Teach them that there are some things money can't buy.

Manners, morals, intelligence and common sense. I guess when your born into this kind of outrageous fortune. You never expect to be denied anything. Everything is handed to you whenever you demand it.

So maybe expecting them to think for themselves is too much of an expectation.

Pulling him by the collar. I lead him further into the crowd. Spinning around I shock my butt.

_Phi I don't know what you want me to say_

Nothing Liam nothing at all.

_I just want to dance Liam tonight is all about _

_Being young having fun living free_

_Remember what happened the last time we lived young and free Phi?_

He smirked as he leaned forward damn he smelled amazing. Sinking into his arms as fast tempo song ended.

I sighed grateful as a slow song came on. I have loved dancing since I was a little girl. Isn't this what every little girl dreams of dancing with a prince.

Of course I remembered how could I forget that?

Liam was just suppose to be my story.

It was never suppose to be anything more. After all I'm just me Ophelia Pryce a normal 21 year old girl. Born here in London in 1994 to my Mum Merritt and my Dad Tom.

I moved to the states when I was ten with my Mum because it was safer. I went to a normal public school in Tampa Florida.

Dreaming about Justin Beibs, One Direction. Rocking out to the girl stars like Arvil Lava making decent but not amazing grades. I was a dancer and a cheerleader an artist. I wasn't popular I had maybe three or four close friends. We went to the movies and the mall we gossiped and giggled and dreamed about what our lives would be like in ten or twenty years.

We had sleepovers every other Friday we were in girl scouts.

Nothing extraordinary I didn't really get to see my dad much since he was still living here in England working as the queens head of security.

Than life changed I was 20 last year when my mum was killed.

See my life isn't a fairytale. It wasn't a nightmare. I've had my joys my triumphs, like making my schools basketball team, being chosen to represent my school every year for all state choir. Winning dance competitions.

Getting accepted into Church Hill University in Cambridge.

I've had horrible moments to leaving my dad as a kid missing him not understanding why we had to be apart. Fighting with friends over boys I lost my best friend Meredith when I was 13 to a boy. I cried for weeks. Losing my virginity to a player in my school at 17.

Watching my mum die being scared everyday for my dad's safety.

Still my life isn't extraordinary. Doesn't every girl want to a fabulous crazy story. One that they can laugh at with their mates over a pint of beer in ten years time.

Liam was suppose to be it for me. Expect something happened. I can't explain it. It could have been seeing how from one minute he went from being just another random hookup with a boy. A boy who went from being a cheeky fun drinking college lad to a confused bewildered man in seconds.

All it took was three words three words none of us will ever forget.

"_Robert is dead"_

In that instant he went from being a lad to a man who just realized he was next in line for the throne of England.

I mean I couldn't smirk at my story laughing how I bedded the prince. Not when he had just lost his older brother his best friend. Not when England had just lost our son.

Liam had been a friend to me when I was a kid and friends even though they lose contact and sometimes don't recognize each other. Friends don't just leave each other when times get rough.

Liam and I live in the same palace but were from two totally different worlds.

Kind of sounds like a fairytale huh? Maybe in it's own way it is.

The difference? It's not the prince this girl dreams about.

It's the princess

_Shit!_

Eleanor's screams caught our attention. We looked up to see her face plant off the table. Straight into a waiter carrying glasses of beer.

Fairy tales aren't always how they appear.

**A/ N Thank you to everyone who is subscribing and favoring. Would love to hear your thoughts suggestions. Anyone who wants to chat about this amazing show The Royals which airs Sunday's at ten on E. Please m me or tweet me mileycfan4eva.**

**TY and have a great weekend. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Eleanor**

There had to be hundreds of cuts lining my face all shimmering with blood oozing out.

I stood paralyzed by fear shards of glass sparkled under the dim colored lights.

_Lenny_

I heard her voice calling through the thick smoked filled crowded bathroom.

_Len_

I called back to her where I was pulling out one of the shards which gleamed with shiny red blood.

_Figured the princess would have the biggest stall_

I looked up at her like duh the smile I got back in return made me blush. She was adorable even in her stupidly.

_You thought anything else? A princess always gets the best_

_Oh my god Len! That looks so painful how can you do that?_

She winced covering her mouth as I pulled out another glass piece. Here's the funny thing about being a cold hearted bitch. Especially one strung out on every pain killing simulator out there.

You become numb your so accustomed to the coldness. Of being left out on your own of being used. You become detached.

Maybe after so much trauma of feeling so unsafe in your life. You become an expert of ignoring the gut wrenching feelings.

It's numbness that becomes awareness. I know I am hurt, I can see I am hurt. I'm probably losing at least two units of blood. Yet I don't feel it.

The blood to me is kind of beautiful.

_Len how far are these cuts going?_

_Was it just your face?_

I pulled a few more shards out. She squeaked again rolling my eyes. I kept pulling them out till my face wasn't gleaming. Now it was red and puffy great the paps would eat this up.

_Didn't even feel it Phi_

_Holy shit that's bad-ass_

_No babe it's called just being baked out of your brains_

_I guess tonight it's not such a bad thing Len_

_Nope I can't complain_

How far did these cuts go? I didn't even feel the crash. I barely remembered it everything was such a blur to me. Lighting up a fag I exhaled feeling the nicotine calm me. Dropping my dress I heard her gasp. Was it that bad?

Looking up at her through the mirror I saw her eyes were glued to my body. Not that I blamed her I mean I am hot. Plus there's the whole princess thing. That's a turn on for most Brits.

_Len_

Damn these drugs were good. I didn't even feel her grab me but when I looked down her hand was covering my left nipples. I smiled inside her touch felt amazing. Phi was adorable the way her light brown hair flowed over her left check. The way her dimples blushed when she smiled. The concern in her eyes was refreshing. I wasn't use to it.

Why was she holding my nipple? Looking down I saw why a piece of glass had cut right through my skin.

Blood was pouring out to her pasty white hands.

I must of jumped cause she looked at me startled.

_Sorry Len I wasn't trying to be fresh but your hurt and too wasted to feel it_

Stay calm Len stay calm collect yourself. Deep breath suck in the smoke. Nothing was working there was something about seeing that blood. My blood that was pouring over her sweet coffee loving trusting American hands. It freaked me out I felt my breathing become labored, I felt weak.

She was innocent and she had no clue what it took to roll in my world. Gemma was right. My world it's a game of lies, deceit, anger, betrayal.

Danger

Blood was shed for the smallest, stupidest of reasons.

Our blood is on the line everyday from radicals, anti monarchists, to other royal family's all wanting to destroy our family. Were always watched from every angel, there is no safe place. Even our own family members want us dead.

Trust is death.

We didn't chose this life but we were born into it and to deny it is to deny our very core of existence. In the end of it Robert, Liam, I we were born for one soul reason. To continue the family legacy.

People will kill for that kind of money and power.

Phi was innocent she didn't need to be tainted and by being around Liam she was a target. She should run. She wouldn't though cause she was in love with him the nasty part of it she was good for him. I couldn't push her away he loved her and he was better for it.

Love is such a bitch.

Being around us was dangerous it got her mum killed and it would get her killed one way or another. Someone would shoot at her, slash her tires...She could be killed from anything...

Including my blood..My blood was poison.

My blood contact with my blood on any cracked skin of Phi's could be fatal. I started shaking harder feeling sick to my stomach.

_Don't touch me!_

I screamed jumping back slamming my back into the sink she staggered back the other way shocked bewildered eyes.

Was it hurt? Confusion? Why would she be hurt? I mean we were friends but not that close even.

_I'm sorry Len I wasn't getting fresh_

_I wasn't trying to feel you up Len._

_I'm just worried your bleeding badly and you don't seem to care_

It wasn't her holding my breast that bothered me. 

Damn I wanted to scream to her. The moments that she was standing that close to me holding my womanly part in her hands. They were magic, the truth was. I felt more comfortable with woman than I did with men. There's a softness a realness that comes with being with another female. I haven't felt that way with a man ever.

_Len I'm sorry I was just trying to help_

_That cut is really deep_

She looked close to crying. I was such a effing bitch here she was trying to help me and I was screaming at her. She had no idea why either she just thought I was being a little bitch.

_I know Phi but I can take care of myself_

_I have been for years Mum never gave a damn about me_

_I'm not your mum Len but I want to be your friend_

Wants to be my friend. Aren't we already friends?

_Liam is really worried about you he begged us to check on you he'd be in here himself but you know_

_Yea I do_

So Liam sent her in she didn't come by herself. Why did I suddenly feel a tightness in my chest? Was it from the loss of blood? The pain hitting me? Or was it something else?

But what else?

_Were friends Phi I'm sorry I'm just …_

_Seriously I'll be okay no need to get your hands bloody_

_You sure Len I don't mind helping_

_I know Phi I do_

Breathe Len breathe in breathe out play the role. Your a bad-ass bitch not a weak helpless girl. Convince Phi you convince Liam. Win Win.

_I got this Phi go ahead and return to the party_

She looked at me what was that look lingering in her eyes?

**A/ N Aren't Phi and Len adorable? I wish they'd explore that friendship more maybe even turn it into a relationship. I can dream right so can all the other #lenphi shippers.**

**Please remember to watch The Royals on E Sundays at 10. follow alexandrapark1 on twitter and instagram elizabethhurley on twitter elizabethhurley1 on instagram and merrittpatterson on twiter theroyalsone.**

**Also if you like review pm me and tweet me on twiter mileycfan4eva ty for reading following and favoring.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Eleanor **

_There is no sex tape princess_

His words burned into my head as I threw down my diplomatic bag.

_You got black out drunk and threatened to fire me so I lied_

My cousins moans took me out of my memories of last night seriously these cows were that dumb they had to shove their drugs up their bums.

How were we related?

Closing my eyes I leaned against the seat feeling drained and tired.

_I don't need a video though do I?_

His grip was so tight on my wrist I could feel the bruises forming.

_You like this you like being controlled _

_You like me so I'll do whatever I want _

_Whenever I want to you and you'll let me_

_You want it you need it so princess_

_Video or no video I own you_

Own me?Hell no! No one owns me. Jasper wanted to play games fine we'd play games.

Sinking into my seat after ordering the guards out of the plane. I closed my eyes Monaco would soon be mine.

Stepping off the plane I sighed this weekend would be awesome.

Seeing Phi so excited was adorable. Her smile was so bright her checks so rosy and her eyes full of delight. I missed those days when the little things excited me. Now I never felt anything except pain and the strongest urge to kill it as soon as it came.

Clinging to Liam's arm her head resting on his shoulder as he turned to her grinning. All I could see how perfect they looked. England's next king and queen the nation would fall in love with them. I mean their kind of like our Brad and Angie.

It only hit me harder that no matter how deeply I fell for her. I could never have her. She belonged to Liam and she had his heart. Even though I could be a bitch I could plot to steal her and I would win. Really I wouldn't cause I'd crush him and my brother is one person I could never hurt.

Imagine being left alone in the middle of a lake not knowing how to swim and not seeing help for miles. You can search and search but no one will come to your rescue it doesn't matter how much you scream cry or beg.

Imagine being shot and laying there dying you want to live but you can't pull the bullet out yourself or stop the bleeding. So your dependent on someone to help you as you lay with your heart bleeding out.

That's how it feels watching the girl I love be with my brother how she turns to him with wide eyed wonder. The sound of her adorable laughter as she laughs at a joke he's whispered into her ear.

I wished it was me holding her delicate waist as our heads were bent together. I poured another drink as the limo wound through the city of Monaco.

Liam looked so high right now and he hadn't touched a drug or drink yet what was it that made him feel so giddy and alive?

Could he really be in love with her? He had only known her a few short months. I gulped another shot leaning back. I heard Liam saying something to me but I blocked it out.

Of course he could be in love with her why wouldn't he? They spend every waking minute together they share their secrets with each other. They share common likes. I barely spent time with Phi and I was in love with her.

The difference is Liam was worthy of love he was pure and funny and smart he had a decent future mapped out.

Where was mine?

I could see it clearly dead in some alley getting high from some street drug. Being used by every tom dick and harry no one fell in love with me for me. Only because of my tittle and name.

It hurt bad knowing that my dreams of being with Phi would never be anything except that dreams. I use to think she was just a fling for him but now looking at him watching him hearing him. I knew I would never have what my dreams held.

Life's a bitch isn't it? People wonder why I am such a bitch? Simple cause I am sick of loving and losing. I'm sick of being life's victim so I take control and for me control is about money and power and what I can get with them.

My control was drugs and booze. I swallowed another drink and searched for my bag.

_I feel like I am living a fairy tail_

_Well let me indulge that fairy tail my queen_

_Liam stop _

There was that dam laugh again why didn't someone just shoot me already?

This was like a stupid cartoon one where the cat chases the mouse and keeps getting blocked by obstacles.

_What babe?_

_Seriously it's like too good to be true I mean every little girl dreams of their prince coming to find them_

_To whisk them away on romantic adventures in far away magical places _

_Sometimes if it's too good to be true_

I interpreted well on my way to being drunk now

_It usually is_

_No Len I was going to say _

_You just have to believe that it can be true _

_I can't promise forever Phi but I can promise you my all _

_Liam that's all any girl can ask for your the type of guy I have been looking for_

_Fair-tails aren't just about princes and princess their about true love and what you will sacrifices_

_For that love you are what I have been looking for since I heard my first fairy-tale._

Where the hell where my damn drugs?

Stepping out of the house I felt a wave of sadness wash over me Robert should be here. God I needed him more than ever. I know I always told him I would be fine but I was far from fine.

After sending the video to Jasper. I felt all my energy leave me so I laid down hearing her laughter coming from the balcony below. I didn't need to physically see to know that she was probably clinging to Liam's arms cheering as he threw the darts.

Her eyes were so bright they would remind me of two sapphires.

So may concerns were running through my head right now. Laying down I could feel the sweat just dripping off my body. God this was disgusting. Princess didn't sweat.

How sick was Jasper to do this to me? What kind of sick person would do this to another human being? What if I was infected? I didn't feel sick. How would I know if I was infected?

I wish I had paid attention in school damn it but I was always so high.

All the charity events I had attended for Aids and HIV awareness I didn't remember anything. The drugs had kept me numb.

What were the chances of being infected from one time?

What were the symptoms? How would I even get tested? I mean I had guards following me with every move they reported back to the palace.

If I went to Dr. Cohen Mum would get the bill and she would know every test I went for. Wouldn't the queen just love to rub this in my face?

Even if I came back negative she'd make sure my life was over.

Life was so unfair. How could I sneak away from the guards? Where would I go? Damn this is when I needed friends.


	7. Chapter 7

**Eleanor**

_Hey Len it's Robert your older brother you know the one you promised to call back and never did_

His laughter was deep warm it clung to the night air. The remembrance of the sound brought tears flowing to my eyes as I lay on the lawn chair on the pool deck drinking.

_I'm just calling because I haven't heard from you in awhile I know.._

His voice was mixed with static &amp; possibly hesitation, I swallowed against the lump in my throat.

_I know your a big girl now you can take care of yourself_

_But that won't stop me from worrying about you _

_It won't stop any of us from worrying Mum, Dad, Liam and I we all love you_

_You can't keep going on like this Len It's dangerous sooner or later it'll catch up to you_

_Remember when we were kids_

_Remember what happened in Monaco when you and Liam were 11? You decided to play superhero?_

_Remember what I told you?_

_Every action has a consequence sooner or later Lenny this road your traveling down will end_

_I just don't want it to end tragically Lenny there's too many stories out there_

_We've lost too many iconic fabulous people too soon_

_Selena, Marilyn, Paul, Fulin the Shunzhi emperor, Skye McCole, River,_

_They were all brilliant and talented their all gone too soon_

_Please be careful sis I know I'm probably speaking to death ears _

_Your probably out living the life partying at the clubs in Paris hooking up with some hottie_

_Drinking and dancing shooting up throwing money away like it's nothing _

_Maybe tomorrow when you wake up and you sober up you'll listen to this maybe my words will sink in_

_Maybe you pick up the phone and call your older worried brother it wouldn't kill you to say_

"_Your right Robbie thank you_

_I love you"_

There was his laugh again god he had such an amazing deep yet fun laugh. Tears welled up I took another drink the liquid burned my throat just like these tears burned my eyes.

_Lenny I am going to say goodbye now but I just wanted to say that I love you_

_Princess you deserve the world never forget that or let anyone treat you less than Royalty _

_It's not just a tittle Len It's a way of life_

_If you remember nothing than remember I love you lil sis_

_I know you work it out Len your destined to be iconic _

_Be safe Len_

_Talk to you soon I hope_

The line went dead my finger pressed repeat again just like it had twenty times before.

Tears fell down as I closed my eyes remembering that time.

The weather in Monaco during summer is always comfortable one reason I love going. This summer however Mum got it in her head that our annual vacation would become a charity event promo.

Mum was always working that pr stuff especially that summer when Robert turned 14. Robbie and Laim and I always hated it. This summer Robbie had stepped up to follow in Dad's footsteps he started to take over some of the royal duties.

So this left Liam and I to do Mum's work.

This day Mum had agreed to host a make a wish kid. His wish was to be a superhero and to meet his real life superhero Prince Liam and Princess Eleanor.

Mum had us pose for pictures with him and take him with us as we did royal duties to show him what life as a royal meant.

Liam always the adventurer thought it would be cool to take it up a notch.

So we took Noah the young eight year old boy with us on an adventure we ditched the guards and took him swimming in one of the biggest pools in all of Monaco we sneaked onto the property.

He loved feeling like a real kid being sneaky watching out for the police we swam and blasted music and played water games.

We learned a lot about Noah that day like he was from Sussex England he loved superman and soccer baseball and art and music. A normal kid who had to battle a horrible disease Acute lymphoblastic leukemia for two years.

We took him to archery, played darts had a dance party. We showed him pictures of our palace.

I danced with him probably the only time he danced with a princess. He was a cheeky lad and even managed to sneak a kiss on my lips in there kind of blew me away.

Noah was adorable so much so that Liam and I couldn't let him go back home without getting him to live his dream.

This kid was so brave and smart and funny.

So we called our friends Gemma, Ashook told them to dress in black clothing.

We took Noah a walk on the estate grounds back at our family rental home. While we were on top of the roof overlooking the pool. Ash and Gemma attacked us shoving Liam down trying to take my diamond necklace that my mum had given me on my Tenth Birthday.

Noah jumped to my rescue and fought Gemma and Ash off but in fighting them he lost his balance and slipped over the roof. I dove to catch him pulling him up Liam grabbed him and yanked him out and lost me in the process.

The paps got it all on camera and film we of course made the front page news ' Make a Wish Royally Screwed" Mum didn't stop yelling for weeks.

Robert tried to defend us telling Mum we were only kids having fun but she of course pointed out we didn't have the right to be just kids we were royal and that meant being on our best all the time.

I ran away crying but Robert chased me down finding me under the stars. He pulled me to him dancing with him.

_What you did for that boy he'll never forget Princess_

_Did you see that look on his face?_

I couldn't talk but I nodded trying to keep up with Robbie's big feet. My little hands felt like ducklings.

_You made him feel like a superhero this kind of happiness and love _

_It will carry him through the rest of his life's journey _

Robert spun me I still remember the feel of the breeze as it carried my long honey brown hair. My tiny legs spun and twisted as he dipped me.

_No matter how long or short his road may be you made him feel loved,_

_Important like his feelings and dreams mattered no matter how young he is_

_Nothing can take that feeling away_

_Not pain nor sadness anger or fear not even death_

_Love will remember_

Tears fell down as I chocked up sitting up like lighting the memory faded his smile his laughter lingered on but his vision. Boom it.. he was gone I was left alone shivering and sweating all at once as I chocked on my vodka.

I looked around scared where the hell was I? My breathing was fast and my eyes blurred. Calm yourself princess. Calm yourself I took another drink and swallowed it burned again. Yet it calmed me.

Phi and Liam I saw them smiling and getting all cozy on the steps they didn't notice me. Figures I am always the shadow that goes unnoticed.

Another memory flashed before me as I closed my eyes I was eight this time. Robert had found a giant spider and chased me around the gardens. I was screaming I hated bugs! Liam got in the mix and found a lady bug.

They chased me through the whole gardens laughing than I fell landing on some of Mum's prized Kadupul Flowers just as she was doing a photo shoot for Uk Gardens. They threw the bugs on me and I started screaming and crying jumping up and down like a toddler.

Mum never stopped screaming for a month over this one. Even though Robert took the blame she knew it was me and never let me forget it.

Robert was there to comfort me even though I was the only one grounded he didn't leave the palace gates the whole time playing with me whatever game I wanted. Yes I made him dress up like a princess revenge was sweet. He tolerated it with dignity and grace that only a true royal could.

He always stood up for me like a true prince he was one of a kind. I took another sip remembering when I was 12 and Liam was trying to get closer to Robert but I wanted to tag along. Liam pushed me calling me a beastly pest. Of course I cried and begged Robert not to leave me home alone with Mum.

Robert ever so gracefully lifted me up and placed me on his shoulder and easily replied that no true prince would leave a princess in distress.

He told Liam to go with their friends. Robert took me to a fancy dinner on top of a restaurant roof overlooking all of London. We watched the stars he taught me all of their names.

We took selfies as walked the streets of London we sat by the river and played games he bought me junk food we rode the ferris wheel he tickled me and tackled me as I stood up arms held high as we spun around on the ferris wheel. He called me crazy cool.

I remember we laughed and laughed.

I was 14 when he sneaked me out with this boy I liked. I remember how he threatened the chap that if he hurt his princess he'd never forget the pain of that mistake.

Leo was sweet and fun but he was so afraid of Robert by than the date was ruined.

I was 16 the first time he saw me in a formal dress that wasn't for some royal function but just for me. I was going to a school dance.

I remember he held me crying cause his baby sister had grown up before his eyes. Mum had rolled her eyes calling him an emotional sap. It didn't stop him.

My date broke my heart that night and I got drunk off my arse.

Robert found me and held me threating the wrath of England on that boy's head.

When I was sick he brought me flowers and played games watched movies with me and read to me.

We use to sit and talk all the time like when I was 15 and mum grounded me from flying to France with my girlfriends that weekend.

Robert took out a map and made me tack all the places I wanted to visit in my lifetime. He made me a promise we would see them all in our lifetime before we were too old.

Last year was so rough for me I can't even go into the details but that's when I really started screwing up my life. I quit university getting hard core into the drug scene starting to drink till I blacked out started sleeping around. I stopped caring I stopped feeling.

Robert tried so hard to get me to get help he took me to places but I quit each rehab he tried talking to me taking me away on vacations but I was so depressed and so far into the drugs nothing worked.

Even taking me to one of his best mates weddings as his date didn't do much for me it made me sadder watching her get married knowing I would never have true love like that.

Robbie danced with me kissing my forehead his words still haunt me.

"_Break down the walls Lenny let heaven in"_

Heaven what was heaven? I was so far in hell I don't think I could find it if you gave me a map. Besides with all the sins I had committed heaven wouldn't let it's pearly gates open for me.

Robert was wrong heaven didn't exist for bad girls like me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Eleanor **

"_We use to be irreplaceable Robbie_

_I use to think I was irreplaceable _

_We lite the whole world up before we blew it up_

_I know I screwed it up I don't know how I let myself get so out of control_

I heard footsteps approach looking up I saw Beck coming towards me. Damn he looked so good it brought tears to my eyes.

_So where did you disappear to?_

_I came back here to find my diplomatic bag_

_All I could find was the ceremonial bow and arrow_

_That's odd_

_Where are my drugs Beck? _

_In the bag I suppose_

I grunted seriously not in the mood for his shit tonight.

_Liam asked me to fly in because of Robert and because he knows how much this place means to you _

_He didn't have to do that I'm not doing that bad_

_Your a shit show Len we both know it Yeah you have your drugs, guys, and darkness_

_But you can't diminish that light_

_I don't have a light_

He laughed reminding me of Robert taking another drink I leaned back. Why was he here? I mean really?

_Oh You have a light Princess so brilliant sometimes it's hard to look at_

_So you only came here because Liam asked you to?_

_No Len_

_I came because I wanted to see you _

_I always want to see you_

I got up tired of his lies he could bloody well see me anytime he wanted to. He chose to marry her to break his promises to me and my heart,

Liam found me a short time later laying my head on his shoulder. I sighed remembering when we were 12 and first got drunk in Monaco drinking to Noah's memory. We had just found out he passed away two days before hand.

It's amazing to me how quick life goes by how easy time slips away. You just never know how long you had. Noah a sweet funny heroic adorable kid who had so much promise only had nine short years.

No fair as my cousins would say.

We talked about Robert about how I had been drug free all day. I seriously don't remember when that had happened. Liam kept telling me how he was worried about me which breaks my heart I don't deserve it.

Going to my room alone. I collapsed on my bed exhausted my head hurt. Everything was spinning. Deep breath deep breath.

Grabbing my phone I swallowed tying into my search engine.

Signs and Symptoms of Aids

Soaking night sweats. Shaking chills or fever higher than 100 F (38 C) for several weeks. Cough, Shortness of breath. Chronic diarrhea. Persistent white spots or unusual lesions on your tongue or in your mouth. Headaches Persistent, unexplained fatigue. Blurred and distorted vision. Weight loss Skin rashes or bumps.

I swallowed feeling my heart racing.

Headaches, weight loss, shortness of breath, fatigue

Great I had them all. Did this mean I had Aids? How could I find out? God I was so scared if only Robert was here he would know what to do.

I tried to sleep but my chest burned I was sweating and my chest was on fire. I couldn't stop coughing. Why couldn't I sleep when I was so tired?

Sighing I grabbed my cell and texted Phi.

**Eleanor: Yo bitch when your done banging my twin get your arse down here**

**Sent 11:20 pm.**

Sighing I waited lighting up a fag the smoke calmed me down.

_Banging Lenny really?_

Phi stood in the doorway with only a thin robe on holding her cell grinning. I sat up staring at her in just that thin piece of fabric remembering how sweet her rack was. I motioned for her to come in shrugging.

_Liam is one lucky man_

She rolled her eyes crawling on my bed.

_Can't sleep Len?_

_No my throat hurts like hell I think I'm coming down with a virus or a cold_

_aw phooey that sucks babe_

I laid my head on her chest feeling dizzy my chest getting tighter.

_How was it Phi?_

She blushed it's adorable how easy she's embarrassed talking about sex.

_Don't be ashamed it's natural beautiful part being with the one you love_

_I told you all about Beck and I earlier so it's only fair you share_

_I know and it's great but he's your brother your twin_

_Well when you put it that way Phi yeah I guess it is kind of gross_

_Uh yeah_

I shared my whiskey with her as she laughed.

_It's kind of gross _

_Len what's wrong?_

_Does something have to be wrong to share a bottle with my best mate?_

_No of course not. _

I stayed quite coughing suddenly I was coughing so hard I couldn't breathe. My chest felt so tight. She helped me sit up rubbing my back.

I fell back exhausted.

_Yeah there is something wrong_

I laid back against her chest as she stroked my hair while I told her the whole story. I saw her fighting back the tears. I hated pity but I really needed a friend right now.

_I need help Phi I need to get tested_

_It has to be a secret though_

_Not even Liam can know_

_I'll help you Len_

_I can pay you_

_Don't even think about it_

_I don't want or need your money_

_What about a chance to dance at the really exclusive dance dream studio_

_What no way!_

_Yes way_

I sat up coughing feeling my whole body heating up she grabbed the fag from my hands taking a puff and coughing.

Putting it out I gasped which turned into a full fledged coughing spell.

_See that's why you shouldn't smoke _

Rolling my eyes I sighed laying down.


	9. Chapter 9

**Eleanor**

Returning to London that evening Phi took me to a clinic in Eastbourne. I'm not sure what she did but somehow she hacked into her dad's security system and changed my security detail. So I had none for that evening.

By the time we got to the clinic I was burning up with a fever coughing so much I felt sick to my stomach.

I was beyond nervous and scared.

It was well past normal hours for the clinic to be open but she had a friend who owned and operated this clinic who was willing to do this.

_Ophelia how are you great to see you_

_I'm well Shane thanks for doing this_

_Remember this is top secret_

_I remember Phi your royal highness welcome_

He curtsied to me which made me even more nervous.

He lead us into the back rooms turning on the lights giving me a gown. My hands were shaking hard I felt like throwing up.

_Let me help Lenny_

I felt her fingers on my back which were cold and smooth against my hot skin. She helped me undue my bra sliding it off. Her touch made my skin feel like ice and fire.

Once I got my underwear off Phi tied the gown and helped me lay down on the table covering me with her jacket.

Time seemed to pass slow as we waited holding hands.

_Len are we ready?_

Stepping inside Dr. Shane McDonald looked at me was anybody ever ready for this? I nodded but I really wanted to run.

_Were going to do some blood work and an exam_

_I have some questions as well sound okay?_

I couldn't answer so I just nodded he showed me how to sit placing my feet in stirrups.

Gripping my hand as he examined me Phi squeezed my hand tightly as tears welled up.

The feeling of his cold hands touching me inside my private area made me tense up the cold metal pierced me.

Phi kissed my forehead trying to get me to breathe normal.

When it finally ended I fell back completely embarrassed breathing hard.

_Lenny calm down babe it's going to be okay _

_I'm scared Phi that hurt so bad_

_Squeeze my hand Len_

I did over and over she squeezed back kissing my hand the feel of her lips on my skin calmed me down.

A few times she rubbed my legs. After the blood test I got dressed he told us it would take about 15 minutes to get the results.

Phi grabbed a water bottle as I paced when he called us into the office my whole body tensed up.

Sitting side by side she held my hand as Shane cleared his throat.

Why was my heart pounding so hard? It was one time I couldn't be positive from one time right?

Of course you could you stupid idiot you can be positive just like you can get pregnant..oh god what if I was?


	10. Chapter 10

**Eleanor**

**{A/N This chapter contains explicit sexual description]**

_I see you have never been tested before _

I shock my head was he judging me? He was wasn't he who the hell did he think he was?

"_No judgment your royal highness just trying to gather facts to help you"_

"_I just need my test results and that's all the help I need" "Lenny relax let him talk"_

"_I would just like to give you some information we used the rapid oral test which measures antibodies in the blood not the virus itself. Just to keep in mind it can take 6 to 12 weeks for a newly infected person to have antibodies show up for a positive result so even if you test negative today you must return to get tested again."_

Great so I may still not get the answers. "_Right now I want to talk about safe sex" _What the hell? Was he serious? I felt like vomiting so hard or passing out. My face must have been so flushed. Probably resembling a cherry. Phi tried to not to laugh at my expression. I don't think I'll ever breathe right after this. Did he really think I didn't know about safe sex? Use a bloody condom when you have sex. I knew it I just didn't follow it. Was there more though? The doubt lingered in the back of my mind. Air was getting tight if this ever got out publicly mum wouldn't kill me first I would.

"_The good news is HIV is really hard to catch when someone is infected it gets into their cum, precum, blood and vaginal fluid" _Bloody hell kill me now was he really going to talk to me about body fluids and sex? "_The only way for the virus to pass from one person to another is for their blood, cum or precum to become in contact with another persons blood."_Shut up dude stop talking another squeeze to Phi's hand as she used her free one to cover her mouth laughing at my miserable expression. I was sitting so tall now Mum would be proud my back not so much. "_There are a lot of sexual things you can do that have low to no risk of contact with HIV" "You can kiss"_

Kissing is nice I remember my first kiss I was nine his name was Stevie he was a prince we were at mum's garden party. The kiss was wet and sloppy and he ran away crying but I got better with age and time and practice. There was Nelson when I was 10, Jeremy when I was 11. Simon when I was 13 he was Liam's mate they went to school across the street from me. A funny blond hair freckled Irish lass who excelled at football. All the girls fondled over him but he chose me we had our first kiss at their school's first game of the year. The paps caught it on camera. Some bloody reporter put it on the big screen in center London.

"_Eleanor are you hearing this?"_Phi squeezed my hand damn caught dreaming again. I nodded as Shane went on further embarrassing me. I was sweating once again gross. "_Stroke and jerk off with your partner you can lick and suck their balls as long as their cum and precum don't get into your mouth." "Dry hump"_

I remember the first time I did that I was 15 with Clare she's a princess from France. I didn't have many girlfriends but we were pretty close. We had been watching one of those sappy French movies and drinking she was crying so I whipped away her tears. Our faces fell together laughing and we kissed it felt right so I pulled her to me. One thing lead to another and she pinned me rubbing herself against me.

The feelings were so intense we were only in our bra's and panties, I felt every rub ever part of her skin and body. My mum walked in on us killing any further action. She never said a word but her eyes did all the talking. "_The only sure way not to get HIV is to not have sex at all but any of these sexual activities I mentioned are minimal to no risk." _I was embarrassed by cum now I thought I would die. Air had become a thing of the past. I buried my head in between my legs. My head and lungs felt like a rocket before take off so much pressure I was bound to explode soon if this chap didn't stop talking.

"_Than there's BJ it's pretty low risk as long as the cum and precum don't get in your mouth never swallow most people don't use a condom for oral sex but it's smarter and safer if you do not just for HIV but for other STD's as well herpes, syphilis"_

Too bloody late there dude.

"_Genital warts" _

FML now he was talking about how to use condoms who the bloody hell did he think he was? Try being a 17 year old girl dating an older man when the minute he comes around this normal cool and collected girl loses her shit she'd do anything to impress him. Try telling her to make him use a condom or you can't have sex. Beck was the first guy I ever let touch me down there. He was the only one who made me feel special like I would do anything or could be anything when I was with him. It was summer we were in Monaco and all of us kids were in the pool drinking. Gemma had taken a dare and sucked Liam off right there in the pool so of course she dared me to. Beck begged me to take the dare even though he knew I was scared shit-less. Even Liam was egging me on, well I am never one to back down. Plus I was pretty wasted so I took him in my hands he was limp. Touching the tip while our so called friends cheered us on. I was nervous sweating breathing was hard but I went under.

I inhaled his scent yes even underwater I could smell him feeling his softness behind the hardness.

I took him fully inside and felt how excited he got how deep he pushed himself into me.

"_Than there's shagging"_

FML really? I covered my already burning face as I brought my knees back up to my chest.

Phi couldn't help but laugh her arse off again as she shoved my shoulder. She's lucky that damn arse of hers is so adorable.

"_It's the riskiest by far"_

He grabbed a dildo Jesus just effing kill me. "_Always use latex condoms with water based lube if you use massage oil or Vaseline the condom can break" _He kept going on and on I wanted to die.

A fax came through the machine as I buried my face into Phi's lap. She was still laughing slapping my bum. Oh she was going to get it.

"_Well good news Eleanor your HIV negative"_

Wait what? I shot up staring at him. "_However remember this could still be wrong you need to come back in 3 months to get retested" _I nodded jumping up "_Also I'd like you to see your doctor your cbc came back abnormal" "You may be coming down with a virus or a cold" "Better get checked out with your family doctor" "Before it gets nasty __y__our red blood cells are higher than normal __s__o set that up as soon as possible"_

"_I will Doctor thank you" _

I grabbed Phi's hands dashing out barely making it out the door before vomiting all over. She held my hair laughing.

**Thank you to all my new followers and favorites thoughts on how this story is going so far? Please don't be afraid to share and review.**

**Also follow me on twitter mileycfan4eva. **

**What's everyone's feels on how the show is going? Excited nervous for the season finale?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleanor **

"_Your father may die you need to be prepared" "If anyone has the blood of the king on their hands it's you Princess" "It pains me to say this Eleanor but you disappoint me" "Zoo animals I prose a referendum to disband the monarchy" "I don't trust you Jasper my father has been attacked and someone in here is lying" "You have quite the track record don't you"_

The soft knock on my door woke me from my drug induced alcoholic slumber slowly I opened my eyes not that I was really asleep. More like a state of awake unaware trans groaning I willed whoever it was to go away. It's been over a week since returning from Monaco and I was sicker than ever not to mention the emotional toll I had bee under. My dad was stabbed and in critical condition but the kicker was he wasn't even my father. Turns out my mother the whore slept with some random dude twenty years ago. Coughing I tried to sit up struggling my chest still felt like it was on fire. What time was it anyway? Why was I soaked in sweat? Knock knock Damn they wouldn't take the ignoring as a hint would they? I wanted to yell go away but my throat was dry and painful. The door slowly opened gasping I felt around for my covers naked under the thin sheet that was tangled around my body.

"_Lenny" _Phi's voice called out to me as I looked up thank god it was only her sighing I pushed myself up my chest felt like it caught with every breath I tried to take my head was pounding. "_Lenny time to get your arse up" "No" "Yes Lenny lets go" _Phi grabbed my hand and yanked me out of my bed causing me to stagger and fall on my knees. That's not embarrassing at all my arse in full naked view for her to laugh at and slap which she did. _"Where are we going?" _My arm was wrapped around her shoulders as she carried me out of the palace through the tunnels. "_To the place you promised me last week you need a night out Lenny and Liam isn't talking to me right now so we could both use a girls night if you think your up for it." "Hell yeah!" _Laying my head back against the seat of the SUV as Phi ran her hand over my face and hair while the vehicle wound it's way through the streets of London. Music played softly from the speakers, these streets the same ones my father walked every night like the one where he was attacked. Suddenly they had a new meaning to me. Pulling up to the dance dream studio I heard Phi gasp I forget how appealing this place is to inspiring dancers.

"_Len I didn't know you were even into dance" "There's a lot people don't know about me I use to dance all the time it's my one true love" "I grew up taking every dance lesson I could I loved it than mum took it away" "Why would she do that?" "Why not everything I love she takes away"_

She took dance she took Jasper well I fixed his bum didn't I. I laughed a little remembering his bewildered look as I had him arrested. I felt Phi rub my back giving me that confused scared look.

"_Dance dream is a major studio they win like 98 percent of their competitions they are apart of almost ever major entertainment show the industry puts on" "Yes Phi that's all true" "I always dreamed about dancing here Len" "You basically have to own a small country to even get a chance here" "How did you" _I gave her a look she was blushing and laughing. "_I am the princess of England" "Or I was who knows maybe I won't even be allowed in here anymore" "Len don't say that" _Our car took us through the garage so no one saw us going inside which felt like coming home. Taking Phi's hands I lead her inside she was staring open mouthed. The building stood around eight floors rich honey oak floors arched brick walls, lined around high beamed sun lite ceilings. Beautifully decorated with murals of all different visions. One of old London theater. One was of Children dancing on clouds chasing balloons. One was a darker sinister scene I could only describe it as my current life. The one was of current day London. Even late at night the studio was blooming with life. Girls and boys of all ages were in the lobby by the tea shoppe having a late night snack some lodging and reading. Some were finished with classes waiting for rides. Rehearsals tended to run late at night. Taking the escalator up to the sixth floor I watched as she turned her head every which way to take in the view.

Music played over the speakers creating a hyped up vibe. "_Locker rooms my dear" _Still in awe I had to drag her inside. "_Lets go lil red riding hood Shelly doesn't like anyone being late" _Once we grabbed our stuff and put a lock on one of the lockers. I grabbed her hand finally we loosened up as we stretched. She seemed to be watching me. "_I look hot Phi?" "I mean I do have a tight arse" "What-uh oh." _She stuttered shaking her head again. I laughed throwing my head back. "_No it's not" So I__'__m not hot?" "Oh yeah yes...you are but I" "Relax Phi I'm only joking shake it off" "Why are you staring?"_

She blushed a loud clap from Shelly caused everyone to stop talking and get in position. Phi's mouth hung open again damn she better pull herself together. I mean yes I get it Shelly Long was one of the top dancers and choreographers from the UK ever she had her own dance show and has won countless awards and been honored at so many ceremonies. She's trained some of the worlds biggest pop stars. _"Lets dance people" __t__o all my regulars congrats you survived another week __to__ all my new comers pay attention don't get in my way and welcome!" _With that the music started and everything I had been worried about went away as soon as my feet left the floor. 5..6..7..8 facing the left side we jumped in a low swooping pile. Moving our arms. We came up on two arms crossed moved to the left down for three walked around our partners for a three count. Landing on our right foot we jumped to our left. Hands posted out swinging our hips sliding right smacking our bums. Stepping to our left we bent down like we were picking something up the first row third row and fifth row. Freezing the 2, 4th and 6th row jumped over us legs spread apart. We fell to our backs in a death trap. Jumping up both feet together we snapped our fingers our right hand clasped our left. We spun to our right swinging our hands around to the left side of our heads. We swung our hips to the right twice. I was smiling Phi was a pro catching on quick it made me wonder why she gave up NYC I mean it was so clear how much she loved dance. Did she love Liam even more? What chance did I ever stand than? Forget it Len just dance. How could I though? When she was dancing next to me swinging her sexy hips in those black leotards? Damn she had a nice arse. That rack? Well sweeter than candy or coke. Right foot step left slide in shake my butt. Point to the ceiling left pile snap to the right point down right deep pile. The music kept me pumping as I flew air born. The group split behind me the second group slapped forward doing a head roll to the left. Going into the two ball step changes doing a circular motion.

Group two pivoted to their right falling to their knees as the group Phi and I were in group one leaped over them. Together we all turned to our right repeating our arm motion. Than everyone slide to the side and I pirouetted through the center. Everyone was clapping as I did my solo god it felt amazing to feel so alive so free. I could never feel this way in my real life even high. Swinging my hips using my arms I was on fire. Melinda and Regina joined me in the center, we moved as one till I started doing handstands everyone cheered and whistled twirling and swinging my hips like a belly dancer. I got everyone's heart racing. Coming back I grabbed Phi's hands and pulled her to me pressed chest to chest our eyes locked. The lyrics floated through the air as I spun her fast and hard.

_**No other girl can make you feel as I do obey as I command **_

Our bodies were so close our hips touched arms entangled. Breath on breath it was almost too much for me but I stayed in the moment. After all this moment was probably the only moment I would ever had. Even sweating she smelled amazing like jasmine and coconut. Phi's skin was soft fabric softener soft like a cloud a sweaty one but still a perfect soft hug-able cloud. "_Oh my god Len that was amazing!"_

Phi was jumping up and down as we walked from the showers to the changing area. How did she have so much energy? She was partying all weekend at school all day taking care of Liam and feuding with my mum all day over Liam. Yet here she was full of life and energy last weekend was my first sober weekend in years and I felt like death. I couldn't even catch my breath every waking second seemed to be cruel punishment my feet burned I felt dizzy sweaty even after a shower.

"_Len thank you so much for taking me here" "I believe Phi it was you who dragged me here tonight so I suppose I owe you a thank you" _She threw her arms around me I went from shivering to burning up.

"_Your welcome but please do me a favor and never tell anyone I dance here" "If my mum ever found out she'd probably burn it to the ground just to spite me_" "_Dance gives me a reason a purpose she'd gladly kill it" "Please Phi promise me" _I looked into her eyes as I pulled my pants up. I know she hated lying to Liam but maybe she'd conceder it now that he was being all recluse on her. My heart was pounding so hard waiting for an answer. What if she said no. Staring into her eyes I prayed. Her eyes were so beautiful if she said no. I would never look at them the same and that would be ashame. Beauty like hers it's hard to ever get out of your head. I felt myself getting dizzier from her sheer radiance. Her face was getting blurry. "_Lenny Len" _At least she was happy damn why was I so dizzy? I had to sit down was Phi calling to me? Looking up I panicked my vision was gone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Lenny**

"_Len" "Am I dead? _A deep chuckle made me snap my eyes open as soon as I did I regretted it I had no idea where I was. Everything was pure white. Sitting up I was surprised there was no struggle. My body didn't hurt my chest didn't feel like a bomb was sitting on it waiting to explode. "_Princess allow me to escort you up" _I spun around still sitting on my bum. Was this real? This couldn't be happening. I couldn't be staring at him could I? "_Robbie?" _I covered my eyes trying to adjust my eyes to the brilliant bright light. Where were we? How was Robert here? He's suppose to be dead. How could I be seeing him? A million questions ran through my head. _"Where am I Robbie?" "Is this really you?" _I got up searching his chiseled face still not sure. Was I on a bad trip? Did I take some laced E? Deep breath Eleanor his face looked like Robbie's same tanned toned skin with that stubble Mum and I both hated cause it tickled our face when we hugged him. Dad always said it gave him character. Same high check bones that always made the girls and a few guys swoon. A few even fainted which he always found shocking and me annoying and pathetic. Gingerly I reached up and touched his face in shock and confusion. My hands didn't go through I squeaked gulping. His laughter damn that was so refreshing I had been missing it so much. I didn't even care that he was laughing at me this time. I would gladly do a million stupid things just to hear that glorious sound. So he was real but how? His eyes were shining with amusement. I had seen it a thousand times as a kid he was always so polite to polite to laugh out loud every time that I did something silly or stupid. I'm dead I have to be how else can I be seeing him touching his face or staring into his eyes? If I'm dead though where are we? This can't be heaven can it? I looked around as he helped me up. The room was pure white. It wasn't like anything I had ever seen. Beside how could he be in heaven? _"It all made perfect sense the paternity test the kings stabbing Robert's death" "Did you kill Robert Mum?" "Walk away" "I think you did I think you and Cyrus have been planning this for a long time" "Military accident wasn't it?" "I said get out before I get angry" "Not until you admit it you killed your own son than had your husband stabbed" "I said walk away" "Admit it maybe it will help you if you just say it out loud" "No one killed Robert because Robert killed himself" "He committed suicide" "Now you tell me does that make you feel better hearing me saying it out loud?" "Robert killed himself" "Robert killed himself" _What did the bible say about Suicide? It was the greatest sin the unforgivable sin that if you killed yourself you weren't allowed into heaven. So how could he be here? Unless he didn't unless Mum was lying. Swallowing I looked at him sighing I should be afraid to ask him but I wasn't. I felt no fear no pain just peace. _"Eleanor I know you have many questions and I promise I will answer as many as I am allowed to"_

What did he mean allowed to? Who would stop him? There was no Mum no Dad here no boss. Just us so what who was stopping him?_"First question sis is" "No you are not dead" "Not yet" _What did he mean? "_I'm not but than how?" "Not yet Len but if you don't stop what you are doing" "Where am I than Robbie?" "Heaven sis" "This doesn't look like heaven" "Well this is a little tricky take my hand" _Robert looked so carefree now he was wearing khaki white shorts and a white polo shirt he always had an amazing tone. His smile was warm and reassuring. The way he flipped his dark brown hair as it hung over his eyes made me smile and giggle. "_There's going to be a brilliant light when we step out Lenny brace yourself" _Robert opened a door for me. I shielded my eyes he wrapped his arm over my shoulders as we walked out gold sparkling paths lined under my feet as we walked through puffy blue and white clouds. "_Lenny do you remember when you were nine and Mr. Fluffyloggins died"_

"_Yea I loved Mr fluffy Mum said she accidentally dropped him when she was carrying him down the steps" "She didn't accidentally do it Robbie we both know she did it on purpose" "Lenny Mum isn't as evil as she wants us to believe but were getting off subject" "Remember how sad you were and how angry and I told you there were five stages of grief to accepting death." "Yes" _

"_Denial" "Anger" "Bargaining" "Depression" "Acceptance" "Remember how I told you we all deal with each stage differently?"_

"_Yes Robbie what's this about?" "Well dying it comes in stages as well" "I'm not talking about the stuff our bodies go through while were down there" "I'm talking about here" "The first stage is the room you woke up in this is called the awakening stage it's when your spirit is here but your body is still down there it's not fully given up yet" What do you mean?" "I mean Lenny you haven't died yet there's still hope left for you" _Looking around it was different than how people talk about it. I mean it was peaceful and beautiful but I didn't see any angels or harps. Just clouds and gold paths there were others dressed like my brother all in Khaki's and white polo's. "_This here Lenny is called the transition phrase no one here has been given permission to enter the gates." "How do you get permission Robert?" "To gain entrance Lenny you must be forgiven of all sins but even before that a person must be truly ready to surrender all ties down on earth. They must be able to let go and embrace their new life." "Now some of us aren't given a choice that choice is made for us I didn't chose to leave you Lenny I wouldn't do that I couldn't do that" "I was taken and I had to accept what I wasn't ready to accept but once I did it was the most peaceful amazing feeling ever." "I miss you I miss Liam and Mum and dad I miss my life down there but I have a new beautiful life up here now." "Once you learn to accept Len than let me show you" _He snapped his fingers and the clouds parted revealing a sparkling crystal sparkling blue green river. "_Lenny I have been giving special permission to help you" "Why? What permission?" "You are being presented with a choice Len not everyone gets this kind of chance"_

"_You don't have much time though Len" _What was he talking about? What choice? A time limit how much time? I had so many questions but my throat seemed to become so tight all of a sudden.

"_Lenny right now your job is to listen and you won't be able to speak so I need you to pay close attention can you do that?" _Unable to talk I nodded he smiled and ran his hand through my hair pulling me to close. I inhaled he still smelled like Robert. Manly outdoorsy. I didn't want to let him go.

I opened my eyes as a swoosh sound made me look over his shoulder and I saw a beautiful golden white gondola glide out. Taking my hand he helped me step inside a little boy who couldn't be more than eight. Stood silently at the helm steering the giant boat. Robert smiled at him as he helped me take a seat. In the back was another boy probably slightly older. Slowly we went further neither boy spoke but they seemed to be able to communicate with just their motions and eyes. The younger boy was short with golden blond hair that was cut perfectly to fit his head his eyes were a stunning blue and his skin was the rich color of ivy. Dressed in a long white and gold beautiful robe he stood perfectly still. Like a picture of an angel he turned towards the front and his wings rose I gasped a little. He really was an angel. The boy in back was dressed in a red robe with gold accents his wings rose steady in the back were the winds were what was really gliding the gondola? His eyes were a warm honey brown his cornrows clung to his little head as he stared straight ahead. Clouds parted and I saw the most beautiful golden gated community I had ever laid eyes on gasping I laid my head on Robert's shoulder. "_Welcome to heaven sis __y__ou'll find it to be a place like no other" _I swallowed why was I here? Why did he sound like he loved it here? He should be pissed he should be trying to get back home to us his family! There boys were too young to be in heaven. They were kids they were innocent they should be chasing bunnies and each other shooting bebe guns. They hadn't even been given the chance to grow up to chase their dreams. Than again maybe they were the lucky ones. They'd never have to experience how cruel this cold world could be. How truly evil people are even people they thought were their family. Their trust would always stay pure and never be tainted. They'd never have to cry themselves to sleep wishing they would die. Be careful what you wish for huh? They didn't have to numb themselves with drugs and alcohol worry about being used or blackmailed. I bet heaven is beautiful. I tried to see past the gates but I couldn't. We approached a flowery bridge where other kids were standing waving some younger some older. They all looked happy. Robert blew kisses to all of them.

"_Noah"_

_''Jessica"_

"_Charlotte"_

"_Chase"_

"_Hi Prince Robbie!" _

The gondola stopped Robert bowed to the boys and ruffled the younger ones hair. I saw the boy grin as he flipped his hair back and raise his tiny hand to high five my brother the two boys never said a word.

The older one dodged Robert's hand giggling his laugh was precious. Robert should be with us he should of lived he would make an amazing father. Watching him with them reminded me of all the times him and Liam would fool around and he'd always put him in a headlock. Which pissed Liam off like how he never could beat him at darts no matter how many hours he practiced. He took my hand as we stepped through the gates onto a golden high bridge. The sky colors were so vibrant and neon.

"_Take my hand Lenny there's going to be a powerful wind" _If I could of talked I would of said I could take care of myself but maybe that wasn't true if I could I wouldn't be here now would I? A gust of wind pushed us in and sealed behind us. The streets were gold here to and filled with people it was like old time London a village with shoppes and a town square. Benches filled with people reading the papers no ipods or cell phones here. Kids ran chasing bunnies, dogs and each other licking ice cream cones. Horse and buggies pranced down the streets. Magnificent beauties. Music played softly it was soothing little girls danced their giant beautiful wings and their smiles creating golden aura's.

We walked and walked than we were in a field it was open and breathtaking. People were laying in the fields reading and watching the sky. Kids were playing in the lush cool waters as a waterfall flowed as each drop landed rays of brilliant colors shoot out. Purples, reds, yellows, orange, green. Unicorns grazed along side horses the kids didn't just run though nope they flew and glided happy laughing and clapping. Robert laid me to a clear spot. Where he pulled me into his arms he pointed to the most brilliant light show I had ever seen. I missed this. I missed being in is arms I missed hearing him telling me how special I was. There were no tears, no fears no pain it was just peaceful and beautiful. Simple.

I watched as a little girl chased a cat which was chasing a butterfly.

"_She's six Lenny her earth name was Angelia"_

"_The cat was Sam and she was hers while they were together" _

"_Angie drowned trying to save her cat."_

"_So she was rewarded with her here"_

I wanted to know why he said her earth name but I couldn't talk yet. Did names not matter up here?

"_Here in heaven we don't need our earth names anymore" "When we shed our earthy forms and gain our wings we are all the same" "We are each others brothers and sisters there is no war no hate" _

"_We are all angel brother or angel sister our names merely tie us to our lives we left behind"_

Was that such a bad thing? Did he not miss us or think about us? Did we not matter now? I was so confused and tired. Laying my head back against his strong chest. I felt him push his face into my hair.

"_Remember back as kids how we use to run around the garden for hours?" _I did I was just thinking about that last weekend how did he know?"

"_I may not be a twin Lenny but I can read your mind"_

"_I know you miss those days"_

"_I always know when you are in pain"_

"_That hasn't changed Len"_

"_I watch you everyday" _

How? I could feel my heart racing harder with this admission I thought back to all my transgressions my bad choices and stupid behavior over the last year. He must be so ashamed of me just like dad.

He was probably glad he could ditch his earthly ties up here who would want someone like me related to them? "_Lenny were running out of time now" "Your dying back on earth you have to make a choice"_


	13. Chapter 13

**Eleanor**

"_Lenny you are dealing with so much on your own" "You've had your trust broken your heart betrayed "Your going at full sped with no stop" "Mum is riding you and I know how much it hurts you when mum is hard on you" _Hard she bloody hates me! "_It's not easy being a mum to a beautiful vibrant brilliant younger version of herself you two are so much alike and neither of you want to admit it."_

Alike? What the hell did dying make him crazy? I spun around as he laughed and laughed my eyes could of burned a hole through his head. "_Let me finish Len"_

"_Your both so stubborn brilliant creative controlling"_

"_Passionate you feel things so strongly you have to act"_

"_Your beautiful Lenny and so is mum everything she does is for you and Liam"_

"_She has a reason for everything you can't see it from your view but neither could I when I was down there."_

"_Now I see the whole picture Mum plans things out long term in her mind she rationales every detail"_

"_Nothing is spontaneous"_

I saw a young boy about 12 or 13 throw a football than fly to catch it.

"_Lenny Shit's about to get real down there your life as you know it it's over"_

"_Liam is going to be thrown into a world he doesn't even recognize he's not going to be able to handle it alone."_

"_You've always been stronger Lenny in so many ways he needs you"_

"_I can't tell you what's going to happen maybe it's best cause you'd never believe me"_

"_You won't remember this when you wake up if you chose to stay down there"_

What did he mean I won't remember this? What why? How was this fair?

"_Don't panic Lenny you'll always have me by your side"_

He tapped my heart.

"_When light turns to darkness search inside your heart cause underneath all your scars"_

"_Fears, pains, anger, is the brilliant iconic beautiful girl I've always known and loved"_

"_She had a light far greater than any view from heaven."_

Now he was pushing it but I couldn't speak to tell him so I laid my head back on his chest closing my eyes. God I missed his arms wrapped around me.

I remember sitting on the benches in Monaco staring up at the stars in each others arms. We use to dream about our future. I never imagined mine would be without him in it. I'm not strong enough to do this. I don't want to. Why would I want to leave a beautiful view like this? Liam has Phi now she'll be there for him I know their fighting right now but he'll forgive her. I mean she did nothing wrong. He just needed to get his shit together and he would he's the good twin. He'll make mum and dad proud.

"_Lenny you need to open up and talk to someone"_

"_You have so many emotions bottled up inside it's going to kill you"_

"_Don't be afraid to show Phi how you feel"_

What? I spun again staring in his eyes fully there was that grin again and that damn laugh ah so annoying.

"_Don't be so shocked lil sis I told you I always know how you feel"_

"_Len I knew you were bi-sexual before you even did"_

"_I've always loved you and secretly I thought it was kind of hot"_

I gasped no sound came out which was slightly odd and disturbing hitting him he held his hands up grabbing my wrists holding them as I tried to wiggle out. Soon he was tickling me and I was laughing inside.

"_Eleanor your beautiful and who you love is your choice when you get past your trust issues and love" _

"_You love with your whole heart you never judge I wish you had come to talk to me about it" _

"_But you were always so comfortable with who you were it never seemed to even bother you so why should it bother me why should I bring it up?"_

"_I can see the way you look at her Len I know you want to be with her"_

"_I also know you'd rather hurt yourself in a million different ways than hurt Liam"_

That was very true. I would take a thousand bullets through my heart before I ever let one shard nick Liam.

"_Talk to Liam he loves you as much as you love him"_

"_Talk to Phi she feels the same way she's holding onto Liam to be close to you"_

What! Now he was being cruel but he never steered me wrong in life before.

"_Rebeka_ "

Robert called and a teenage girl around my age came over giggling blushing giving him a paper.

He held it in front of me as I settled between his legs and arms again head on his chest.

A portal opened my eyes went wide. I saw myself laying on the locker room floor. I wasn't moving or breathing. Phi was on her hands and knees in only her bra and pants pumping on my chest crying and gasping as placed her mouth over mine. I wishI could feel her amazing soft lips on mine. Robert hit my arm.

"_You can find out how they taste Len"_

"_Chose life"_

I could hear Phi's voice begging me to live. I saw her tears falling into her mouth down her body onto the floor. She was beat red snot coming down her beautiful face.

I was deathly pale like winters first snow fall cold and icy unwanted. No movement no signs of life. My lips were blue dark circles were under my eyes, red drops of blood caked under my nose.

I should be scared but I wasn't it felt strange like watching a movie not my own death scene.

"_Lenny your running out of time"_

"_You need to decide" _

How could I? If I left I would never see him again but if I stayed I may never know true love. What would happen to Liam. My father?

We know my mum could care less but what if my dad woke up and I was gone?

I looked at Robert he shock his head it was up to me. I looked around it was just so peaceful.

"_I want to stay" _


	14. Chapter 14

**Phi**

"_Lenny come back to me"_

"_Breathe Lenny you can't leave us!"_

One One Thousand Two one thousand three one thousand pumping her chest I counted each one out loud. No one ever tells you just how damn tough pumping life into someone is. Her chest felt tight and I could barely make it. My arms and neck were aching.

Where was the ambulance why was it taking so damn long? Covering my mouth over Len's I opened hers wide and held her nose. With every breath I had left in me I breathed it into hers praying it would be enough.

"_Lenny please it's Liam" _

"_I need you to hear me"_

"_Please Lenny I know you hate this life but I promise you Len"_

"_I will make it better"_

"_I'm trying to change I will help demolish the monarchy"_

"_Our lives will be better"_

"_You'll see please you have to stay strong"_

"_Fight Lenny if not for yourself than for me"_

"_I need you Len I know it's selfish but I don't care"_

Liam's voice was so heartbroken and scared it knocked me out of my memories. Tears welled up as I watched him sitting by his twins bedside holding her hand. His fingers rubbed over her knuckles.

I felt my heartbreaking for Liam he seemed so lost so much had already happened to him. He lost his only brother his father was in a coma and he had no idea who to trust. Now his lifeline his sister was fighting for her life. He was helpless.

"_She can't die Phi"_

"_She just can't"_

"_She won't Liam"_

I hooked my arm through his resting my head on his shoulder. I reached over and took Lenny's other hand. Her skin was cool to the touch they were still trying to warm her body up.

God she looked so broken I hated seeing her like this. Lenny deserved so much better.

For the first ten hours I have been stationed here at her bedside. Liam was missing all day yesterday and all night. Finally Marcus had found him about two hours ago.

He was hungover but the reality of his sister's condition sobered him up quickly.

The doctors weren't saying much about what was going on. The not knowing was driving me insane.

I kept flashing back to the minutes before she had collapsed. She was so happy grinning she really loved dancing and she was so amazing. My eyes couldn't take themselves off of the way she swayed her hips. How her eyes lite up as she landed the trickiest of moves.

Minutes later she was laying on the ground drained of color unresponsive not breathing.

My heart had been pounding so hard I felt sick but I had no time to get sick I had to act fast. I had to save her life. I couldn't let her die she had no idea how I felt about her. I had to tell her.

Alone I paced the halls and the tiny waiting room waiting for news scared for Liam having no clue where he had gone to. No one came from the palace. I called my dad I know the queen had to know and she hadn't even bothered to show up for her own daughter.

Heartless bitch. She didn't deserve to have such an amazing daughter like Len.

Liam held her hand to his face tears streaming down. I watched the monitors feeling my own breath being taken away.

Systolic 75

Diastolic 60

Heartbeat 70

Breaths Pr Minute 6-7

These numbers scared me gripping me as I closed my eyes holding her hand tighter than before. Please god let her live. She's too young to die.

90 minutes they had worked to give her CPR shocking her pumping her breathing into her. Giving her oxygen. She still hadn't revived so they placed her on this machine. They called it a ECMO short for extracorporeal membrane oxygenation. The machine was acting as her lung delivering oxygen into her blood. Her blood was being channeled into a roller pump which was serving as her heart through out the treatment. The pump was sending blood through an oxygenator which services as an acting lung. Infusing the blood with oxygen removing carbon dioxide returning it to Eleanor.

She was covered in machines tubes wires from her head face neck arms legs stomach private parts even her fingers had machines on them.

"_Lenny please fight"_

"_We all love you"_

"_Liam, Marcus, Beck your dad and I" _

"_I know we don't know each other well but you have been my best friend"_

"_You've been an amazing generous friend you didn't have to be thanks Lenny for everything but please I need more time with you we all do please fight to stay with us" _


	15. Chapter 15

**Eleanor**

"_Please fight to stay with us"_

"_I need more time with you"_

Was I dreaming? I had to be dreaming Phi didn't just say those words to me did she? I had dreamed of hearing those words for so many months.

"_We all love you"_

If it was possible to have tears in heaven. I would be crying right now as I watched my brother and best friend standing over my motionless body. Was that really me?

I looked so different my eyes were taped shut so they wouldn't become dried out or injured according to my big brother. Tubes were inside my stomach legs arms face head neck privates. I didn't feel it which seemed strange. I should shouldn't I? That had to hurt! I mean damn sex hurt a tube up there. I shuddered. Iv's were running through my body. That had to be someone else laying there. How did I get to that state? Why am I lying there like that?

"_Poor bloke looks totally crushed"_

Robert placed his hand on my shoulder I nodded staring at my normally chill brother leaning against my bedside holding my hand to his face. Fighting back tears as he pleaded with me to get better.

"_You can give him what he wants Lenny"_

"_It's not too late yet"_

But was it? Looking around I just felt so calm. I wasn't stressed or feeling depressed angry or scared.

I felt like I could trust it up here.

"_Heaven is so beautiful Robert"_

"_Why would I want to leave?"_

"_Why go back to that world it's brought me nothing but misery and pain"_

"_My existence brings people I love nothing but pain"_

"_That's not true Len"_

I switched views to see Mum sitting in her office going through the tabloids.

_Ellen-Orgy _

_Royal Beaver_

_Un-Royal Romp_

_Royal Crack_

Just some of the headlines Mum was frustrated with yelling at Rachael to release a press statement. I saw her run her hands through her hair when no one was looking as she breathed out eyes closed.

"_Why lord couldn't you just give me a normal kid"_

"_Would it be so hard? No my daughter the princess is a hot mess"_

"_Eleanor damn it couldn't you just act like a young lady a proper young lady for just one night"_

"_Would it kill you?"_

"_It doesn't seem like such a hard request now Rachael does it?"_

"_No Your Majesty"_

"_I didn't think so either but no one seems to be able to tell her royal highness this" _

"_I swear she's determined to make me miserable" _

"_Why couldn't I have all boys at least I could cut it off " _

"_Daughters are nothing but heartaches"_

I looked at Robert swallowing the lump I didn't set out to destroy her world these things just happened. If only Mum could know how much I loved her. Maybe I could write her a letter. How would it get to her? Security would never believe a letter from heaven could be real.

I switched the view to where Dad was standing staring out the window. I wondered when this was from I was guessing the day after Monaco. He was talking to himself angry words which pierced my heart.

"_I'll do better daddy"_

"_That's what you promised me Lenny"_

"_Well you lied Eleanor"_

He slammed down the paper which had a cover of Beck and I on it my bra strap had fallen as we kissed in the pool.

"_The drugs, sex, drinking, lies disrespect it pains me Lenny to say this but you are a disappointment to me" "Maybe it's my fault I've been too easy on you"_

No dad this isn't your fault I'm just a hot mess. I can't do better I've tried it's just too hard.

"_At some point Lenny you have to try to grow up take responsibility"_

"_Become the woman I know you can be the woman I would be proud to call a daughter"_

I switched the portal off looking at Robert for clarification to say I told you so.

"_Listen to me Lenny life isn't always easy"_

"_Life can be hard painful and yes scary it'll kick your arse"_

"_So why would anyone want to go back to that"_

"_When we can have this?"_

I motioned around clouds rolling on forever, beautiful water and lakes, unicorns kids playing music streets of gold. No one bothered anyone.

"_Cause Lenny once you've muddled through all the crap"_

"_Life is fucking amazing" _

He switched to another view on the portal. I smiled remembering when I stole the Jetta and grabbed Phi, Marcus Ashtook Liam and we drove to the beach. Sunroof down passing the weed Marcus freaking out. Phi and I tanning topless laying side by side running from the paps holding hands laughing our arse off. Yes we were high. Pub hopping body surfing at the concerts that night as my security detail panicked. I saw one from when I was 15 my cousins dared me to grab the drummer of a local band and kiss him on-stage mid-song. I got wasted and I did it the whole school was on fire with it the next day. We even dated for a while Mum hated him which made it even sweeter.

I saw us as kids running through fields and gardens dancing and singing. Liam chasing me with that lady bug. I really was a gutless cat back than. I saw us in the church choir I saw birthdays Liam and I blowing out our candles. I saw holidays snowboarding, surfing, traveling the world side by side.

Camping trips cuddled under the stars, me playing the guitar and singing. Okay so I had some pretty awesome memories from my childhood years. I switched to another view Mum was in my room what the hell who gave her permission? She was holding a baby picture of her holding me as a baby we were both smiling what can I say I was only a few months old I didn't know any better. What was mum saying? I held it closer. Wait was the queen tearing up?

_**Eleanor You were beautiful, **_ _**My tiny child, **_ _**Wrapped tightly in my arms, **_ _**Close to my heart.**_ _**I listened to you breathing.**_ _**I counted your fingers**_ _**And your toes.**_ _**Helpless, **_ _**You cried out to me**_ _**And I loved you**_ _**With every ounce of my soul.**_ "_Lenny Mum isn't the cold hearted bitch I thought she was"_ "_What are you talking about Robert? She's not really crying over me she's pissed cause I ruined the monarchy imagine" "It's not easy you know Lenny" "What's not eas**y**?" "Being a queen a mum and a wife she wears many coats" "Yeah all from the dead animals she killed" "Funny Len all I'm saying is we judge her but we don't know the whole story" "Mum will do anything for us she's hardened by the years yes" "'We weren't the easiest kids to raise" "We put her through hell over the years"_

I smiled remembering as I hugged him.

_It's a mothers worst fear Losing a child you carry them for nine months give them life raise them love them do everything for them to keep them safe" "And life rips you a new one huh?" "Len you always had a way with words" "Children aren't suppose to die before their parents it's not natural or right" "Were not normal Robert we never have been our world there's nothing normal about it were Royals we've always been targeted it's dad's worst fear for us to be picked apart one by one" "They took you from us Robert" "Yes Lenny I was taken before I was ready I didn't want to die I had so much left to do" "Why Robert why did you have to die?" "There's not a day that goes by when we don't miss you Think about you" "I know Len remember I can feel your pain I can see you everyday" "I forgot It's okay this is new to everyone when they first enter" "How did it happen Robbie?"_

"_All they will tell us is that it was a military accident Mum says you killed yourself" "There's something going on Robbie" "Mum Uncle Cyrus their lying Are they in this together?" "Did they have you murdered?" "Lenny I can't say" "Can't or won't?" "Everything will be revealed in time your time today is not the day you are suppose to leave earth there is much more work I need you to do for me down on earth"._

"_I want to stay here Lenny and I would love to have you here" "So let me stay" "It's not my decision" "Than who's is it?" "God let me speak to him" "It's yours Lenny and I know you'll chose right" "Liam needs you he's your twin he's so lost" "You can't leave him I know you can't" "No matter how beautiful the view up here in heaven is" "No pain, no fear, no anger, but also no joy, pride no love" "It's just peace everything here remains the same after awhile it gets old" "I miss feeling the rush of pride when I made a goal I miss tears running down my face when I see my little sister dress up for her first school dance." "Lenny we have a lot of beautiful angels here and one day you will get your wings and fly up here to join us" "I will be here with open arms to welcome you if it's ten years from now ten days 90 years" "Liam Mum Dad and I we will all be together again here in heaven one day" "No Robbie Mum will be resting in hell" "Never lose that charm Len it makes you unique with every heartbeat" "I want you to remember how much I love you" "Robert I'm not ready to say good-bye" "None of us ever are Lenny but sometimes we don't get a choice" "Be Strong Lenny fight" "I will carry you guide you" "Just remember me" "I'll never forget you Robert" _

"_Fight Lenny Fight for every breath" It's worth it"_


	16. Chapter 16

**Phi**

"_Liam do you want some tea or something to eat?"_

Liam ran his hand through his hair pacing back and forth while I sat with Lenny. His face etched in pain and confusion. He looked rough blood shot eyes underlined in dark circles. Runny nose worry lines across forehead red checks. Sweat dripping down his face.

"_When was the last time you slept?"_

"_We were all so worried Liam you should get some rest I'll stay with Lenny"_

The steady hiss of the machines filled the otherwise quite room even his pacing didn't make a sound.

"_Where were you last night?"_

Still no answer I know I was rambling but I couldn't help it. Looking at Marcus who sat in the corner in one of the couches. He stared at his phone looking up for a quick second he sighed shrugging. I got what he was silently saying be quite and let the boy think.

"_Sir"_

"_Marcus what have I told you about calling me sir?"_

"_Apologizes Liam"_

"_If I may speak freely"_

"_Of course"_

"_I believe Phi is just worried we understand your life has been propelled out of control"_

"_You still have to take care of yourself Liam" _

"_Lenny would want you to" _

Liam stood pacing I could see the pain in his face his eyes filled with tears. Coming back over he sat by me taking his hand.

"_I just want my sister healthy" _

"_We all do Liam"_

Was he mad at me? Why wouldn't he answer my questions? Selfish stop being so selfish Phi this isn't you. Liam squeezed my hands looking at his sister.

"_I'm sorry Phi I know I've freaked you out"_

"_All of you"_

He nodded towards Marcus. Than to Lenny.

"_I just couldn't get past"_

"_The one simple fact"_

"_I was suppose to be with him"_

"_My dad just wanted to spend time with me"_

"_His son not the prince and the king but father and son"_

"_I failed him Phi"_

The look of pain and anger in his eyes caused a lump in the back of my throat.

How could I help him? He looked away as one Lenny's Nurses Debbie came over to check her vitals the old fashioned way. Two nurses were in the rooms at all times Debbie and Margaret.

"_Because you were with me Liam"_

He stayed silent kissing his sisters closed knuckles. Looking up at Debbie he watched her carefully I knew he trusted very few people with Lenny's care right now.

"_Phi listen to me please"_

He turned to me his eyes locked into mine filled with sincerity.

"_Not because of you"_

"_Because of my lack of responsibility and maturity" "I don't regret spending any time with you Phi what I regret is not taking my duties and my promises seriously." "I need to learn to balance things people I need to start being a better son a better brother" "If God gives me the chance I swear I will do better"_

"_Liam"_

I ran my hand over his shoulder as he looked down clasping her hand praying silently.

"_Your a great son and a fabulous brother" _

"_I wish it were true Phi but I have a long way to go before I can claim that to be true"_

Debbie touched one of the machines I watched her vitals on the screen.

Blood pressure: 70/40 mm/Hg to 130/80 mm/Hg

Breathing: 8 - 12 breaths per minute

Pulse: 40 - 90 beats per minute

Temperature: 99.1 degrees

"_How is she are they normal signs?"_

"_She's holding steady Sir but her vitals are still not at normal range but they are better than when she was admitted last night."_

"_So she's improving?"_

"_Yes sir"_

"_That's good right"_

"_Yes sir"_

"_How long will she be on this machine?"_

"_On an average 7 to 10 days"_


	17. Chapter 17

**Liam**

They say we do not remember days but we remember moments. If I look back at my life, I can honestly say I agree. I've had a life full of moments. One of them was when I was nine and I drew the concussion in my mind what being royalty meant. To me it meant people bowing down to me addressing me as your royal highness or sir. It was the freedom to have unlimited funds. When I wanted something I demanded it and I got it. I got the best and only the best. It was a pretty awesome feeling Lenny, Robert and I took full advantage of it as any kids would. At ten I started demanding only the finest watches. Only Rolex's and Audemars for me nothing else would do. Lenny started demanding 600 carts of jewelry, she dropped 11,0000 dollars of purses in each shopping spree the hottest designers were lining up to dress her.

We started taking the private helicopter out to Pairs and to the island for getaways charging millions of dollars. Being twins Lenny and I did everything together we had the same friends we liked the same music and Tv shows. We played football and had camp-outs. We were close to Robert back than but it was Lenny who I turned to with all my secrets and problems. No one can know you the way a twin can. There's been a bond between us since we were in the womb together. I can feel her pain her fears before she can I know when she's in trouble. Mum never corrected us with our lifestyle dad tried to tell us that money didn't grow on tress that we had to be respectful but we were kids. Kids who had way too much freedom and money. Which only lead to trouble like when we were Twelve and took the jet and flew to Fiji charging 22,000 for a private party on the jet, and Lenny took pictures and posted them to her social media network. Ted our head of security was pissed that she leaked private security information.

Lenny was grounded from social media for three years after that her cell was confiscated she had three bodyguards with her at all times. Yet life wasn't awful for us as kids we rode horses played in the gardens played cricket and rugby we hiked. Robert and I were in the scouts. I tried to be as close to him as possible yet I never felt good enough. Robert from the time we were young was always so mature and responsible. A natural leader is what Mum and Uncle Cyrus always said. He had a style a grace and carried himself with dignity that I could never seem to grasp. He was amazing at everything sports, school, his royal duties dealing with people. He was humble and kind. He knew early on what his future was going to hold. Being king was in his blood and even though I know there were times when he wanted to break free. He never complained, it was our family legacy our history honor and expectations. He wanted to learn how to be the best. That left Lenny and I free to do what we wanted. We had our Pr stuff and charity events but we also got to just be normal well as normal as we could be. We went to public schools. Our Primary school was Corpus Christi Catholic Primary School which we attended from the time we were 3-11 years of age. Eleanor was in dance and she traveled all over the globe she was amazing winning competition after competition. Tap, lyrical, jazz, ballet, hip-hop, theater, she attended only the most expensive of dance schools and wore only the fanciest of costumes. She was chosen over twenty times to represent England in countries for competitions. She even stared in several movies. She took guitar, piano and acting lessons and vocal. She was so timid and shy it helped her bring her out of her shell. I was very protective of her than which is why we were rarely apart. We had friends but never true ride or die friends. We were each others rocks. We did extremely well academically earing top grades, I was one of the stars of the schools football team. Man did I ever love it the feel of being in control of the ball and being able to fool an opponent and scoring that was the sweetest feeling. I also enjoyed running track and field left me with a feeling of freedom. I was on the debate team and swimming team. As we got older we started to see how things really were. Being surrounded by body guards all day wasn't something most kids had to deal with even our super rich friends.

Kids would whisper and point at us some were afraid of us. Than there were the ones who tried to use us. We started to see we didn't know who we could trust. Lenny was bullied by girls who were jealous of her who wanted to use her she was beaten up in the girls room when she refused to give into their demands. She started becoming afraid to go to school.

Mum told her she needed to get some balls and fight back. She never consoled her. Dad tried to but I really believe she needed Mum and when she didn't get it she went further inside herself burying her hurt and anger. Robert and I tired to help her but nothing seemed to work. I remember Robert in his quite loving way. He reminded us that good moments made for happy memories but it was during our darkest moments we must focus to see the light. Those dark moments I consider them to be moments you never forget even if you would do anything in your power to forget. There are moments you wish you could forget words you wish you could drown out decisions you wish with all your heart you could take back. One moment I remember is when I really started to understand what being royal meant.

I was around 14 or so when the palace was attacked by anti-monarchs. Lenny and I had been in her room listening to music with friends and dancing smoking. When guards rushed in and ordered all our friends out. We were grabbed Lenny fought them and was knocked out I was thrown over one of their shoulders and rushed through the tunnels. Locked in a safe room far under the ground scared and alone till our mum came down. She didn't want to tell us what was going on. I sat there holding ice to Lenny's swollen face all the while wondering where my brother and father were.

Mum finally told us that while on a charity event our dad and brother were attacked and threats were made against Lenny and I. We weren't allowed out for weeks living under the ground while police Mi-5 and Mi 6 investigated. When Robert returned I could see a difference in his eyes as he told us all about watching while a young man charged them firing shots. How he saw his life pass before his eyes.

How he saw another boy around nine years old being sacrificed to save his life he tried to stop them but he was shunned the guards covering his mouth. The kid was pushed in front of Robert and shot while Robert and dad were whisked away. It haunted Robert from that day on but mum and dad never gave him any sympathy he was told to suck it up. He was royal and the monarchy had to be persevered at all costs no matter what. The family covered it up spinning it as an act of heroism by the boy and not what it really was murder. All I remember thinking was thank god I am not first in line for the throne and I was so relieved. My life may be a target but I wasn't the one they were after first. Did that make me a bad person? I mean if I was meant to be king I would feel sad right? I didn't want anything happening to Robert but I was glad I wasn't the first in line. After that our lives stopped being ours. Mum started monitoring every movement we made we now had guards following us in classrooms, bathrooms. Our days were mapped out and we weren't allowed to go anywhere without approval days before. Every location had to be pre-searched.

We weren't allowed at friends houses we weren't allowed to go to parties. We were basically prisoners which drove us nuts. Lenny started acting out sneaking alcohol into school and smoking weed. Between our home lives and her body changing Lenny had a rough time in school. Boys were starting to tease her or hit on her. Girls became even more jealous.

It didn't stop at school either on the Internet and at home mum was always jealous of Lenny of her beauty, youth energy. Our cousins were always trying to bring her down stealing her clothes makeup her diary and laughing at her. Their dad Cyrus was no better he blackmailed Lenny into giving him oral sex just so her secrets wouldn't be revealed to the public. Lenny was afraid all around at school at home online. She became so depressed she stopped eating laughing or dreaming. Than mum delivered the final blow she separated us at school. Sending me to Eton College and Lenny to Cobham Hall. Which is an hour away from London she was sent to live there so she was out of Mum's sight.

Life at a boarding school was hard for Lenny to take she had to share a room with two other girls both who hated her. They fought every day they stole her makeup, hair supplies, pulled her hair and spit in her drinks. Stole her homework claimed it as their own or ripped it to shreds. She tried to bury herself in school work in dance which they had a stellar dance program there. She was always striving to be the best but there were so many girls there who devoted their lives to dance. She never felt like she measured up like she wasn't thin enough, fast enough, pretty enough.

Than she met Devon who was two years older than her more mature in body and mind. She showed her a whole new world. Devon was a free spirit who lived life by her own rules and didn't care what anyone else said or felt about it. She introduced Lenny to E and Ambient they became very fast friends. Which soon turned into more they started spending every free moment together. Even sleeping in the same bed. They started skipping classes Devon would steal a car and they would go on long drives they went to the malls, beaches, long hikes, Lenny dissed the guards all the time. They would drink for hours and talk and laugh and kiss. For weeks they would school which would freak the school out and mum and dad would get calls constantly. Dad would always be so worried he wouldn't sleep until he knew she was safe. He'd call her every hour leave long messages but Lenny didn't care she just wanted an escape. Dad and Robert never knew that Len had fallen in love with Devon. She was planning to marry her one day.

I have no idea how they didn't know since she was all Len talked about when she came home at school holidays or palace events. The one person who did seem to know was Mum who did not take kindly to Len's sexual feelings. She had a back-round search and found out Devon had been arrested two years prior for narcotics and driving under the influence with no license. Mum and Len fought so much dad wanted them to talk to a therapist. Len ran away with Devon for two months. I was so scared I had no idea where she was if she was safe alive. When she finally came back to school Mum had it fixed so Devon was busted for narcotics but her plan backfired when Len took the rap and said they were her drugs. She was expelled from school in year 11 and sent home. She tried to contact Devon afterwards but she never answered she was just gone. Len knew mum was behind it but couldn't prove it.

Robert tried to fix her depressing by introducing her to Beck but things just spiraled further down hill from there. I wish I could say I was there for Len but I wasn't I was having the opposite experience while Len was having a horrible time at school. I was living the life most popular boy in school I was getting all the ladies. I was staring on the football team. I had loads of mates and my relationship with my parents was pretty solid. I mean yes my mum scared off every girl I liked but to me it wasn't about love or commitment at that time. I was happy dating a different girl every week I liked a little flavor some spice. Parties every night different cities different girls. Money can buy a lot I was living the life. While Len was getting into trouble.

"_Robert is dead" _I wish I could say my life was transformed with those words. I sat up still in party boy mode next to my latest conquest. Phi, I should of grown up fast I should of changed. I mean I knew in my head what it meant yet I still couldn't come to grasp with it. I'm only 20 what kid is ready for all this? "_Dilated__ Cardiomyopathy" _Of all the times that I have heartbreaking moments. I've always said to myself. "I can't believe these words" If I don't accept than it won't be true. If it doesn't hurt it can't be real. This moment however was all too real too potent the words too powerful. I'll never shake them. The look on Dr. Cohen's face it'll haunt me forever it will hurt till I am dead. Lies he had to be telling lies. Deep breath Liam take a deep breath she didn't have. No she couldn't whatever it was he had just said. My sister didn't have it. Squeeze Len's hands. Mine felt cramped and sweaty. She had been through so much this wasn't real.

Maybe this is how Len feels everyday like she's here she's physically present but it doesn't matter cause she's invisible to everyone else. Mum made it clear she was never going to be bi-sexual as long as she lived in the palace she would never be accepted. So she hid how she felt. She created a mask. I needed a mask now._"DCM is a condition where the heart becomes weakened and enlarged not allowing blood to pump efficiently." "DCM means a portion of the myocardium which is the heart muscle is dilated in Lenny's case her right ventricular is impaired which means her heart is enlarged."_

I stared at him what the hell was he talking about? Phi spoke up for me thank god I bowed my head laying it on Len's chest. "_What does this mean __Dr__?" "Sorry it means she's in congenital heart failure_

_Without a transplant Lenny won't survive"_

The storm swirled in my head words you wish you could forget but will forever burn in your mind.


	18. Chapter 18

**Phi p o v**

"_Liam" _

My eyes went wide as I watched him stumble back knocking over a chair running out of the room. Was he kidding me? Should I go after him? The look in his eyes was indescribable. The machines blared out as I turned back to the bed where Eleanor lay motionless. The door slammed as the blaring got louder. I had no idea what was happening but suddenly the room was filling up with medical personal. The flashing red of the monitor scared me what did it mean? Why was there a piercing sound? Her hand felt limp my chest felt tight as people started shouting out orders. What was happening? Was she okay? Dr. Cohen and his team jumped to life there were so many people how did anybody know what anybody else was doing? Doctors, Residents, Nurses, Mangers, anesthesiologists, respiratory, pharmacists, phlebotomists. All yelling out codes and orders, I had no idea but I was scared huddled against a wall watching it all happening around me. Watching as Lenny stopped breathing going blue again. "_Code Blue" Code Blue" _Debbie yelled into the over head speaker tears fell as I watched them yank the oxygen off her moving the bed lowering it as they grabbed the crash cart yanking open doors grabbing medicines, needles. I started praying. Their yelling swirled inside my head everything was happening so fast. "_What's her stats? "She's Grey, fever 102" "BP 84/54" "Heart-rate 150" "Respiratory 35" "22 gage right forearm" "22 sodium bicarbonate"" 760 cc fluid" _They injected her but she was so pale how could it make a difference? They called out medications they rechecked the amount they just called out. "_Stats? "No change" "Iv to the left cc any pulse?" "No start CPR" "Charging at 300 clear" "All clear" _The shock was so powerful her body was lifted from the bed yet still no change in her stats. "_Charging at 350 clear" "All clear" _Another shock yet nothing changed what was going on? Please Lenny please fight. "_Two minutes check for a pulse" "No pulse" 101 of Epinephine resume CPR" _This time they started bagging her pumping on her chest. My own heart was breathing so hard I felt sick and dizzy, light headed. Please god don't take her I need her come back to us Lenny. "_No activity on the monitor" "No pulse flat-line" "Call the code" _"_No No No Don't call it you can't quit you can't give up"_ "_Someone get her out of here she doesn't need to see this_" Damn I screamed that out loud? Someone grabbed me and dragged me out of the room._ "__Ophelia I am Lacey Chavez Princess Eleanor's patient Liaison Lets give this team room to work, "Work their giving up on her!"_


	19. Chapter 19

**Phi **

"_I know it seems crazy but it's a very organized advanced life saving system we have here" "Every personal has a job and they do their job well. _I lowered my head into my legs my breathing rapid what if they couldn't save her? "_Were a level one trauma unit were always ready and we are at the top of our game we will do everything to save the princess, not because she's the princess but because it's our job and we love what we do" _My whole body was shaking as I listened to Lacey's words I heard them but there was still a feeling of terror that clung to my heart she was so blue so pale. I felt her rub my back but despite her warm touch a bad chill over took me. Tears fell as I thought about how I never told her how much I loved her, how much she means to me. Would I ever get that chance now? Why would Liam just take off like that? Len was his sister she needed him where was he? Where was Marcus? He must of gone after him. Once again they left me on my own again. "_Code blue" "Code blue" "CICU3 CICU3" _God please stop saying that where was God why wasn't he helping Len now? I just wanted her to be okay. "_She's young and if there's one thing I know about our country's princess is this she is a fighter and she gets what she wants when she wants it, now we have to make sure she wants to live, we must pray for her strength" Would you like to pray?""Yes Ma'am" _She grasped my hands and together we bowed our heads praying. Please lord don't take Lenny I need more time, I'm not ready to say good-bye. _"Thank you Lord for the time we have been giving with the gift of Eleanor's beautiful loving and gentle soul, thank you for the joy and happiness she has brought to our lives, thank you for those who comfort her love her, we pray for strength in her body and spirit strength to find whatever healing in this time and place, and if thee choses strength for her to be with you for eternity. We pray for the continued support for her family, friends who love her and will mourn her." _Strength I would need it if I was going to fight to be with her, I would need to fight the queen, I would need to tell Liam. None of that would happen though if she left us now I needed more time. Would I get either?


	20. Chapter 20

**Liam's p o v**

"_Heart transplant, Dialted Cardiomyophy Enlarged heart"_ All these phrases ran through my head as I downed another drink. All around me life was going on for everyone friends were laughing with friends as they challenged one another into men and woman were cheering at whatever sport was on the TV. A few couples were making out one was so into each other the girls eyes were lost in his and his hands had pushed her against the seat. Reminds me of Phi and I when we first started dating. How stupid was I to leave her alone in the hospital room with my sister. She's done nothing but stand by me and try to protect me. I slammed the mug down as the bartender filled it up for I have no clue maybe the 12th or 15th time. The cold smooth beer no longer burned as it went down my throat but felt amazing like a long lost friend. Music was blaring as a few girls were dancing on tables guys trying to feel them up. Eleanor would be all over that if she could, but she couldn't because she was in the hospital fighting for her life. Here I was drinking, I'm doing it for her maybe if I told myself that it would help. It wasn't though all I could see was my sister lying there on life support fighting, my dad lying there in the same condition except he wasn't my dad was he? No he was just some man my slut of a mother suckered into being her sugar daddy. She thought we were too stupid to ever figure it out, but we weren't Lenny and I we made an amazing team. Slamming it down again I ignored the look the bartender gave me as he filled it up. Who was he to judge me? No one could judge me not my mum not my sister they both had their own demons their own baggage they were far from perfect. My dad did he? He wasn't my real father but he did raise me and love me did that count for anything though? Not in my mum's eyes she had no problem ripping his heart out. Maybe I was more like her than I want to admit, Phi loved me so purely so openly no matter who judged her ridiculed her or threatened her she stood by me she fought for me. Yet I cheated on her ran out on her and left her on her own. I raised my glass to a few other young pub goers as myself as they cheered over a score by Manchester, I could care less who scored but I would toast to my own self destruction and misery. I know my dad would disapprove if I looked over to my right I could see him shaking his head, he would tell me I needed to man up and take control. That Eleanor needed me I was her brother her twin I needed to be there for her. I shock my head sorry dad whatever Lenny needed I couldn't provide. Hours passed at one point I stood up laughing grabbing a random girl who passed by me. She looked pretty fine she didn't protest I mean who would? I may not be the future king of England but I was the queen's son, plus I was pretty hot. She smiled as she moved closer into my arms as we danced. I didn't need to think or feel I just needed to dance and drink flirt with some hot chicks and forget.

Hours passed before Marcus was able to remove me. Surprisingly I wasn't as incapacitated as I was last night. Maybe my body was getting use to drinking. Where was I though was the question in the dark all the halls seemed the same. Even at night there were people all around nosies from machines and instruments, carts that needed oiling. The smells made me a bit sick. I couldn't let Phi or Lenny see me this way. Lenny would be okay she had to be she would be sitting up waiting for me she would enjoy ripping into me. That's what we did we got totally trashed and had a go at one another but at the end we were always there for one another. The only reason I returned cause even though I hated this whole damn thing, Lenny needed me and I couldn't I wouldn't leave her. Leaning against a wall as I shock sweating I tried to calm myself down. Music flowed out the sounds were so heavenly where was it coming from? Who was playing it? Slowly I got up Marcus's hand steadied me as I stumbled towards it.

"_**These walls and all the picture frames**_

_**Every name they show"**_

Who was that? Her voice was pure magic I found myself standing without help going towards the room where the music was coming from. The room was colorful and in the middle of it stood an amazing beautiful young lady with red flowing hair freckles across her checks and nose. Her eyes were closed but she just seemed so enchanted by the music it was lovely. Reminded me of Eleanor when she got lost in a song or a dance nothing else mattered just the lyrics and the melody. I saw a sign above her head writing in colorful kid handwriting engraved into the wall."Hope Will Never Be Silent" Hope really? That's for suckers I had hoped for years to have some freedom and it was never granted. Mum never believed in hope she believed in making our own destines just like she did. Still Lenny would always tell me without hope what did we have left? Emptiness? Emptiness killed a soul. I saw a young man at the piano. My eyes couldn't leave the girl though dressed in cargo pants and a green crop top showing off her perfect flat toned stomach. I could see myself kissing that body making love to that sweet body. Her voice was pure full of emotion her words seemed sad yet her tone was full of hope. Hope there was that word again.

_**These halls, I've walked a thousand times  
Heartbreaks and Valetines  
Friends of mine all know**_

_**I look at everything I was  
And everything I ever loved  
And I can see how much I've grown  
And though the mirror doesn't see it  
It's clear to me, I feel it  
I can make it on my own**_

_**I'm not afraid of moving on or letting go  
It's just so hard to say goodbye to what I know  
I know… **_

The song was perfection I found myself frozen I know it was wrong to be here to listen it all seemed so personal to her. I felt like I was an intruder to her private world, yet I couldn't move my legs gave out as I sat in one of the chairs. If I looked at my whole life everything I have been and have become it's all a direct result of how I was raised. The queen wanted us to be perfect so I bent to her whims. I excelled at everything I had ever set my mind to school, football, dating. I didn't do it because it was tradition or because it made the family look good deep down I did it because no matter what our mum did to us or said to us, she was still my mum and I loved her and wanted to please her. What was I doing now though? She needed me to be strong to stand on my own and I was doing the opposite was it revenge against her rebellion of all these lies? Did it matter? In the end I was destroying myself if I had a mirror now if I could see myself, my dad and I would both be ashamed. I am afraid of letting go of moving on childhood was so easy compared to what I was facing now. If Lenny died I would truly be alone how was I suppose to go on? My whole life was dictated I never had a true choice and now. Now I was free I was no longer the future king it wasn't what I excepted though I wasn't relived, in fact I felt frightened. If I wasn't prince Liam who the hell was I? I was just Liam a normal twenty year old man left to find himself and finding yourself wasn't easy. I had no one I could really lean to, my mum was a slut who cared about the monarchy and only the monarchy. She hadn't even inquired about her only daughter, she had never visited not once. What kind of mum does that? What kind of man expects his girlfriend to give up her dreams and stay by his side while he drowns himself in beer?

_**No one's gonna say goodbye  
I keep you in this heart of mine  
This time I know it's never over  
No matter who or what I am  
I carry where we all began  
This time that we had I will hold forever**_

I had to be strong now stand up Liam my legs gave out dizziness overcame me. Okay sit for awhile more let the booze settle. Deep breath think of things that will give you strength. _****_

_**These old familiar places  
Where every face is another part of me  
I played a different game then, they called me a different name then  
I think of all the things I did and how I wish I knew what I know now  
**_

Everyone in my life good or bad has given me some sort of strength Mum in her demands has made me see that there are two ways to be powerful. While she demands things of us she has lead England with a quite grace a naturing touch. She has listened to her people she has forced changed she fought battles behind the scenes no one would ever know. She had made me strong by ever demand she put on me that I hated I rebelled which gave a quite inner strength, for every demand I gave into I realized that there was a bigger picture than what I wanted. being Royal meant serving a greater good. The people looked at us for guidance and leadership. Dad showed me that I can be Royal and still have what I want and still chose love. I just had to find ways to make it work I had to grow up which is never easy. Cyrus showed me that greed and lust are ugly and that jealously is your down falling and someday it would be his. I would make sure of it. I may not be Prince Liam right now but I am still Liam Henstridge and I am still pretty damn amazing. Royal or not. Maybe if I knew now what I knew than I would of made different choices, but than again if I did it wouldn't make me who I am now. _**  
**_

_**I see how far I've come and what I got right  
When I was looking for that spotlight  
I was looking for myself  
Got over what I was afraid of  
I showed 'em all that I was made of  
More than trophies on a shelf**_

_**From the battle that we lost and might've won  
I never stopped believing in the words we sung  
We sung… **_

_**I'm looking out from the crossroads  
I don't know how far away I will roam  
I take a breath, I close my eyes  
Your voice will carry me home  
**_

I was at a crossroads and where I went next was entirely up to me, I could chose whatever I wanted be whoever I wanted. So the question is what did I want? Closing my eyes I listened to the voice inside my head. She would lead me home.

_**I keep you in this heart of mine  
This time I know it's never over  
No matter who or what i am  
I carry where we all began  
This time that we had I will hold  
This time that we had I will hold  
This time that we had I will hold forever  
forever **_

"_OH My god Prince Laim!"_ The young woman screamed as I found the strength to stand she covered her mouth. Marcus tapped my shoulder I swallowed and went over towards her gently. Deep breath Liam you can do this just relax and be yourself.


	21. Chapter 21

**Liam p o v**

"_Hello I'm Liam Henstridge I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you or stalk you, I just found the song so enchanting." "Thank you Prince" "No please no prince just Liam" _She looked down Marcus stayed outside like old times but this wasn't old times he was no longer my body guard. "_Marcus stand down my friend come join us" "With all due respect sir I feel like I should be on guard" "No need Marcus I am no longer the prince I am just Liam so go on have yourself a drink while I chat with this beautiful young lady" "With all due respect sir I have to politely decline" "No Marcus you can't decline it's a direct order" "Very well sir" _Marcus bowed and left as I took the young lady's hand kissing it. "_So you know my name an unfair advantage if you ask me than again life is unfair" "Life maybe unfair but it's beautiful not always even but where would the beauty in that be? The beauty in life is challenges and how we overcome them and who they make us out to be" "It seems some people get more of the unfairness than others" "Yes that's true Liam but those people are brought into our lives for a reason they teach us to appreciate the beauty and delicate balance that this life brings" "I wish I could see things your way..." _I left it open for her to say her name but she smiled and dodged it damn she was playing with me, Marcus would grow concern at this moment but honestly it turned me on. Still she had no idea just how messed up life behind the palace doors was. _"I know what right do I have to complain right? I have all the money in the world the finest luxuries" "Money doesn't buy happiness or life Liam" _First time anyone ever took my point in this argument most people told me to be mature and stop whining. "_Thank you it's what Lenny and I always said Len is my sister my twin sister" "I know sir" "No sir Liam please" Yes Liam it's wonderful to meet you, I always said if someone doesn't walk in someone else's shoes they can't judge because they can never understand what that person has to go through" Not many people have to experience the fragility of life" Would you like to grab a drink ..._Once again I left it open for her to say her name but she only stood extended her hand and nodded. She seemed to know these halls like the back of her hand as she held mine and lead me down the hall. My pulse was racing as I tried to keep up with her still feeling slightly dizzy but I wasn't sure if it was the booze or this feeling of complete enchantment and curiosity.


	22. Chapter 22

**Phi p o v**

"_Miss Pyrce?" _I snapped my head up tears falling onto my bare knees as I saw one of Dr. Cohen's team members come inside the waiting room. Rising from my chair with the help of Lacey I stood to greet the new doctor a bit shaky. "_I'm Ophelia Pryce how can I help you?" "Miss. Pryce I am Dr. Berlin Jackson Chief of Cardiology here at St. Mary's" "Please lets have a seat we need to discuss Miss. Henstridge's condition is her brother or her mum around?" "I don't know where Liam went to he didn't take the news to well and her mum she hasn't come by yet" "I'm sorry to hear about the Prince's reaction it's always difficult to receive bad news has anybody informed her mum how serious this is?" "I'm sure the queen would be here if she knew how sick her daughter really was" _She sorely under estimated how little the queen cared for her kids."_I can try to call Liam if you would like doctor Jackson?""Yes we need to get a hold of someone immediately Princess Eleanor is a very sick young lady will try to page him on the overhead as well"_ I called his number but it went straight to voice mail sighing I tried to control my voice which was shaky clogged with tears. Leaving a message I shakily dialed Marcus's number another voice mail. I heard the over head page calling Liam to CICU room three. Now we waited I couldn't stand sitting so I got up pacing so many medical personals in her room. Five minutes passed with no word how could he do this? I didn't care about myself I could do it on my own I've been on my own since I was a kid. Eleanor though she needed her brother and he was being so selfish thinking only of himself. Maybe my dad was right and no matter what Prince region of he would always put himself first. I couldn't stand this not knowing I had to know what was going on with her. The thought of her being sick and scared was enough to make me want to die."_Please Dr. Jackson I need to know what is going on?""I'm a close friend of Lenny I really care for her" _I tried to stop the tears but they poured out clogging me anyway. Why wouldn't she just tell me? Could it be that bad? "_She needs surgery she's suffering from arrythmias which puts her at risk for sudden death, we need to go in and insert an Implantable cardioveter Defibrillator or ICD if an abnormal heart beat is detected this device will deliver an electric shock to her heart"_ It was all so much to take in my head was swarming with information. I was trying to take it all in and form a correct response but before I could I heard someone yell out. "_Code Blue CICU3! Code Blue CICU3! All team members respond!"_

Dr. Jackson jumped up running to her room as I stood up racing to the door Lacey was by my side as I saw the whole team race in again. My own heart was breaking. She couldn't die. She just couldn't we needed more time. Grabbing a doctor as he raced by I tearfully chocked out "_I'll give consent please don't let her die"_


	23. Chapter 23

**Liam p o v**

"_These smoothies are amazing!" "They are pretty bloody awesome" _She giggled as she stirred her banana strawberry smoothie. _"Did you know that the word bloody comes from the phrase by our lady a sacrilegious invocation of the Virgin Mary it was common in Shakespeare's plays around the turn of the century""Really that's an intriguing theory my lady but I was always taught that it arose during the wars of the roses when royalty and nobility or those of the blood wrought death and the most bloody destruction on England. Elizabeth was said to have used it in reference to her elder sister Mary due to her persecution of protestants" "Figures they would use the Royal theory to teach you kids" _Why did everyone have such a problem with the Royals. I looked down into my blueberry pomegranate smoothie._ "Did they teach you anything else that doesn't have something to do with nobility?" _Was everyone this defensive when it came to my family? My history? It gave me a pretty grim feeling about our future. Sinking back I closed my eyes, what was this girl's problem? Phi never had this reaction she didn't give a damn about my family she just accepted me as I was. "_My apologies your highness that was rude of me" "Drop the highness we both know my dad isn't my dad" _Those words as they left my mouth were like mini knives scrapping my tongue my checks lips and throat stabbing my heart. How could they be true? Wouldn't I have known? I should of shouldn't I? We were always so close. He never showed any signs that we weren't his. Did he know? Did she lie to him to? Or was he just a brilliant actor. My head hurt I could feel tears brimming but I fought them back shaking out the image of him laying in a hospital bed fighting for his life. I felt her hand touch my shoulder as I buried my head into my hands elbows resting on the table. We sat in silence for awhile all around us life went on people came and went some in groups or pairs some solo. Even this late into the night the cafe was pretty crowded mostly employees looking tired and disgusted. A few visitors, everyone who worked here seemed to have their own clique they belonged to. Some of the visitors seemed lost in private little conversations, I wondered what their stories were. We all had one didn't we? At least according to Phi we did. I should start a conversation but I felt so tired and scared. My eyes finally focused on the young lady in front of me. She wasn't Phi who wouldn't hold back telling me what she thought of me right now if I was ignoring her. I should be with her right now. Yet I didn't want to be there was something missing from our relationship and there had been for awhile but I didn't know what it was. "_So how long have you been singing? You have a beautiful voice" "Aw thanks love been doing it since I was a wee thing it's always been my passion gotten me through some rough times music just has that special way of doing it you know"_ Eleanor always said the same thing. Would music help her get through this now? I wondered could it hurt? "I_ never stopped believing in the power of music no matter who told me to quit" "Did your parents not support you?" "Oh no my parents are wonderful they always supported and encouraged us" "What parent wouldn't?" _On so obsessed with the image she would stab her own husband, betray her own children. I didn't say it only thought of it, if only I had been born to a different family. Would life be any easier? I could due without the money couldn't I? She squeezed my hand giggling. "Y_our cute when you blush" "Good thing I am not driving cause your so red right now I would have to stop and stare" "You have game babe I like that" "Thanks cause I like you to Liam and I always win at my games" "Always?" "Yes always I never lose, 'So does that mean I lost?" "Yes it does Liam" "So what is the price?" _She smacked her lips against mine as I felt my own heart explode. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Phi**

Len had been out of surgery for over eight hours now but still wasn't showing any signs of improvement. Liam was quieter than usual his eyes bloodshot hair a mess. I wanted to question him where he had been. Why I was here worries to death about "his" sister while he was where? I swear I smelled a different type of perfume on him earlier. He wouldn't cheat on me would he? Liam may be a player but he couldn't a cheater could he? He wouldn't look at me right now his eyes were down shifted even as I moved to wrap myself into his arms. While he didn't pull away he still didn't look at me just buried his face into my mess of tangled hair. Closing my eyes I breathed in him his scent was a strange new mixture of Emporio Armani diamonds by Giorgio Armani, alcohol and some cheap perfume something like juicy coulture. I really needed some comfort right now but he pushed me away my heart sank as my suspicions rose. Marcus looked away as I looked at him for answers, why what could Liam be so ashamed of? Sighing and shaking my head I took a seat by Len when would she wake up? My heart broke hearing machines breath for her. Please come back to us Lenny please we all need you so damn much. _"Phi why don't you go home and get some sleep maybe some change of clothes?" "Thanks Liam but I have been here all along I'm not leaving now" "It's okay Phi I'm not going anywhere now" "Liam no offense but for once this isn't about you" "Sorry what?" "This is about Lenny she needs her friends and family here" "I didn't know you were so close?" _His words hit me hard swallowing I didn't allow myself to look up he couldn't know could he? How was I suppose to respond? Looking at Len I prayed she would give me some kind of sign but who was I kidding? She didn't even know I felt would she even feel the same way? This was all so confusion. Bringing her hand to my lips I kissed it. "_We weren't really that close but Len has always been really decent to me she's giving me clothes to wear advice and guidance all without being asked she never asked for anything in return" "That's just the kind of person my sister is Phi" "Yes I know and it's because of who she is that I care so deeply for her Liam she doesn't have many people who have stood by her side, I won't leave her" _I slowly dared to look up did it sound believable? Liam's face showed no signs of anything did he even really care? Or did he not believe me? What would he say or do if he knew I felt so much more for her? The sound of the door creaking open caused me to jump a little and him to shift off his place on the wall. Marcus stood taller until Liam shot him a look and he relaxed. What had just passed between them? He didn't move to greet Dr. Jackson as she came in so I did she had files in her hand as she entered along with three other doctors. "_Dr. Jackson what's wrong with Lenny why hasn't she woken up?" "Liam calm down let Dr. Jackson talk" "Don't tell me what to do Ophelia she's my sister" "Excuse me for caring Liam" "Where's Dr. Cohen?" "I take it you didn't hear the news?" What news Dr. Jackson?" "Dr. Cohen left to go on a missionary trip he'll be gone for a few years" _We all stood in shock at this news. Liam was the first to react jumping off the wall going so close to Dr. Jackson she backed up. "_Why would he leave?" "He knows how sick Lenny is she needs him" "With all due respect Liam while Dr. Cohen is an amazing doctor he is not a trained Cardiologist I am chief of Cardiology here as I explained to your girlfriend here earlier while you were MIA" "I am committed to making sue your sister has the best of care and gets only the top treatment" "If your so damn great why has my sister not waking up?""__I understand your scared and worried sir but you will not talk to me like a I am beneath you" _Liam sunk back blushing deeply what the hell had gotten into him? I have never seen him be so rude and disrespectful before.

"_I'm sorry Doctor I am just very worried and tired it's been very stressful with both my dad and sister in critical conditions I just need answers I need for Lenny to wake up" "That's understandable sir I appreciate the apology and I am sorry for your family's trouble sir" Let me explain why your sister isn't responding as quickly as we had hoped Princess Eleanor had a complication she was bleeding we had to do a blood transplant __of two units" _How did this happen? This was suppose to be a top notch hospital how could this kind of thing happen?

What did this mean in the long run? I turned back to Len tears falling, would she be okay? Dr. Jackson promised to do her best but would her best be good enough? There was a scrapping of the chair as I turned around I saw Liam stand up right stiff, I saw her standing there now she comes are you kidding me? When all the hard decisions have been made now she frigging shows her face? The queen started firing questions at Dr. Jackson so fast with such force she scared her off and before I knew it Dr. Jackson was running out the door.After the last doctor had run out the door which clanged shut behind them she turned to Liam. Screaming at him for being stupid enough to allow them to operate blaming him for her being like this. She made him out to be a murder who let the killer to his sisters bedside. He stood motionless pale eyes downward saying nothing to defend himself. This wasn't fair he wasn't even here, why should he get yelled at? Than again had he been here maybe he wouldn't of chosen this route maybe she would be okay. No she was dying I made the call the only call I could see. "I_ gave consent not Liam he wasn't here so I stepped in she was dying she needed this surgery if your going to yell at someone yell at me not your son" _ She advanced towards me her eyes steel and cold as ice her teeth gritted. _"GET OUT!" _She screamed at me in my face as my dad tried to rush to my side she threatened me with law suits, treason against the crown which she would assure me she would push for the highest of punishments. I stood face to face eye to eye my dad trying to come between us before she ordered him to step down or she would fire him instantly. I gave him a look assuring him I could handle myself. My fists were closed as I looked to Liam he looked up at me his eyes red and filled with tears. Than he took off vanishing from sight. She screamed that I was over stepping and I needed to know my place. None of her words mattered to me I simply by passed her took a few steps closer to Lenny's bed and sat down grasping her warm hand. "_You'll be banned from the palace gates I assure you Ophelia you will never see my daughter again how you could be so stupid so incompetent as to allow some commoner who you didn't even know do such a risky operation on "MY" Child is infuriating and impossible for me to ever understand if Eleanor dies I swear you will regret this decision every waking moment" _ "_Maybe if you had been here queen I wouldn't of had to make any choices regarding "YOUR" child's health but you weren't here were you?" "No I was and only me no one else saw fit to be here for Eleanor in this twisted sick deranged family except me so I did what I had to do for Eleanor's sake because she is the only one who's feelings matter so go go Queen and threaten me all you bloody well want but I know I did what I had to do and I will never regret staying here to care for my friend when her family was too damn busy working and drinking to be bothered to even show the hell up"_ I gave her one last nasty look as she stood there in complete shock. I swear I saw Marcus smile at my dad who nodded as if to say that's my daughter as I took a seat holding her hand to my face. The queen was foaming at the mouth I could feel the daggers through my back. Thank god beheading was out ruled years ago or I would be tied and dragged to the gallows quicker than the Phillies lose a game. She wanted to ban me from seeing Lenny? She had no idea who she was messing with.

Come hell or high water I was seeing her, if only Lenny would wake up though this would be so much easier. Closing my eyes I breathed her in she didn't smell like herself she smelled like a damn hospital but yet under it all was her sweet scent. Opening my eyes I swear my heart stopped beating."_Lenny?" _I whispered at first unsure if what I was seeing was real or something my weary mind had conjured up. It wasn't it was as real as she was. Her beautiful eyes were open staring straight out she couldn't move or speak but her eyes moved us all straight to heaven's gates.


	25. Chapter 25

**Eleanor' **

"_Dear Princess Eleanor"_

"_You probably won't remember me I was only a shy away from eight when we met the first time." "You were almost thirteen back than I worshiped you, I know you get this kind of thing all the time, please don't think this is some kind of crazy fan letter." "It's not far from it now that I am older I understand that this was a huge mistake and frankly very silly." "How can you idolize someone you never really knew, I think it's because you and I are very similar in several ways." "That's the scary thing about money and fame it makes people think that they know everything about someone just because they read about them in a tabloid or on the great Internet." "Like you I was born into a world of great wealth, power, privilege one where the family image is everything." "Because of this lifestyle we lead sometimes we can forget how easy it is to lose, we forget to be appreciative of all the exclusives we have been blessed with this is where you and I have differed." "As you grew up you became trapped in this world of darkness you let the trappings of fame, money suffocate and isolate you to drown your pain you self inflicted and saw only the darkness for all the good money &amp; fame can bring it also brings harassment from the media the fans the haters." "Everyone thinks that we owe them somehow that our time isn't ours but theirs, they make demands and expect those demands met" "Our parents stop asking us how we feel what we want because we are only their heirs we are not entitled to our own lives." "What can we say I mean we are their kids they created us and molded us into their own visionaries." "What I have learned though is that every time I said yes instead of No I lost a little piece of myself I gave too much and got nothing in return." "I use to think that being left alone would be the best thing in the world, never having to deal with people, to be able to take time for myself and only myself would help me but it didn't instead when I was left alone with my demons, I almost destroyed myself." "Being famous is a full time job you can't your face off when you leave the job because at the end of the day it's your face that is your job." "Your job is to be rich, seductive to make that image rivet off the pages of the magazine." "What people don't see is that fame is evanescent were not famous for our talents or hard work at least not at first were famous for our family name, our legacy our heritage and history." "It's a tall order to live up to, the truth is we can never live up to it because to try is automatic failure: It will kill us, unless we can make their history and plans for us and twist them into our own desire and passions." "When I was nine my whole world changed through no fault of my own I got sick, Many people thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me" "I'll tell you a little secret it freed me becoming sick allowed me to see the bigger picture." "I saw there was more to life than fast cars, money, fame, parties and material things." "That's why I chose to do something to help people, when I am gone I want people to remember me because I had a decent kind loving heart, that I cared for my fellow humanity I am not asking to be idolized as a saint I am not perfect nor will I ever want to be, I am only human but I am capable of amazing things: I am smart I learn fast, I can dance to your beat but I can make my own beat, I can change the world because I believe I can make a difference." "This is what I want to inspire other kids with, the way you use to inspire me before you took every opportunity and threw it away." "Despite what you may think this is not meant to be me passing judgment, rather maybe a wake up call." _

"_Eleanor you and I have been giving a unique position even if we didn't have a choice or even want to be put in this position we are now we have a choice use our money and power to influence young people in two ways." "We can show them how to self destruct by filling our bodies, minds, souls with poisons like drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex and self harm." "Or we can show them that we can be sexy strong independent and smart we can make choices that help not only our selves but serve humanity well." _

"_If we chose the later we will we happier and stronger, I know because I did when I was eleven I was depressed, scared I felt lonely like no one wanted me or cared about what happened to me, than I met a little girl who would change my world." "Her name was Emily she was dying at only seven years old yet with all her pain, fear she was the sweetest, happiest little girl she didn't have a lot of money but what she had she treasured." "I wanted to do something to make her smile so I took her on a trip to Disney world the smile on her face was precious but when I asked her why she was so happy, her reply to me was simple." "Because You as busy as you are took the time out of your day just to make me smile." "Emily inspired me to start thinking outside my normal go beyond my comfort zone and focus on someone else beside me." "It's because of this sweet angel that I was struck with the idea to start up a foundation to help other kids." "Which wasn't easy even with my money and power no one believed a kid could do what I dreamed of doing." "I won't go through the struggles I had to endure but in the end I was triumph because I never quit." "My foundation Fisi became operational when I was thirteen." "Fisi in Gaelic means visionary that's how I want my little warriors to see themselves as someone who can change the world with just a dream or a vision they don't have to wait to grow up to make a change." "Change starts with you young, old we all have the power to inspire." "My foundation is linked through out the UK to all the hospitals which randomly selects kids based on medical needs, I never know who is chosen till afterwards, once chosen I write a letter which is attached with a check for 1259 GBP [$120,000] there are no strings attached to this check the recipient is free to spend the money how they chose." "Through no fault of theirs they have been giving a raw deal in life they are forced to endure a world of pain, fear, loneliness, isolation, they are faced with a future riddled with uncertainty away from families, friends" I use to wish for a miracle, most of all I hoped for a friend to truly understand my plight."_

"_I have come to terms now that a miracle isn't always what we pictured it to be, sometimes it comes in ways we never dreamed it could come." "This money can't take away their pain, fear, it can't buy their health." "What it can give them is purpose how you chose to take this Eleanor is up to you however let me end by saying that I know your father Our King Simon is a good honorable loving man who had devoted his life to serving his people." "He knows the value of money does not out weigh the value of the human spirit." "It was his hope that Prince Robert, Prince Liam and you his dear sweet iconic Princess Eleanor continue on his legacy long after he is gone." "Robert is gone an example of how precious life is how fast it can be taken from us." "Death is the one true and constance in life it shows no prejudice old, young, black, white, when it comes for you it comes." "Robert and your dad believe in you whenever I saw them they spoke so highly of their love, devotion to you. There was always a wonder and glitter of excitement in their eyes when they spoke of you" "I know you would want to make them proud Princess Eleanor." _

"_Friendship is timeless the memories touch hearts years after the physical touch seizes to be felt." "The true miracle is in giving not receiving "Use whatever time you may have left Princess Eleanor wisely I will promise you that once you make that choice you will be happier even when everything else is crumbling around you."Thank you For reading this Eleanor and I hope you take my words to heart."_

_Sincerely Your forever friend "RAJ"_


	26. Chapter 26

**Eleanor**

My eyes scanned the letter over and over again for the hundredth time. Was this a joke? Who sent it? Who had those initials RAJ? I racked and racked my brains all day yet I couldn't come up with a single possibility. They had to be someone who knew me well, but how? What was she or he trying to say about me? Did everyone see me as a spoiled brat, as some slut who partied away her money and life? Did they understand my money wasn't even my money? How was I suppose to even start to make a difference? I couldn't even breathe on my own, no one would tell me why. Looking around I sighed trying to keep up my facade was becoming harder and harder, two weeks have passed since I woke up. Since than I had been transferred to a different hospital the press had broken in last week and ambushed me trying to get pictures and videos of me on my "death" bed. Mum had freaked out. Between them and the lack of progress I was making for recovery she declared the staff incompetent. To trick the press I was transferred to a children's hospital. I can only imagine how much they paid the hospital to take me. So here I was in St. Christopher For Children and Adolescents 20 miles outside London in room 333 in the PCICU C3 [Pediatric Cardiac Intensive Care Unit] just another boring Tuesday February 1st worried and scared still no one would tell me what was going on with me. All I knew was I was scared and sick and hurting. I was running a fever of 101.2 I was hooked to oxygen round the clock. Mum kept telling me I had pneumonia and that they were having trouble treating it." I know there's more to it though, if that was it why would she be here constantly? She hasn't left the room since I was transferred she keeps claiming it's the press, yet there's a look in her eyes. I finally got her out to get some air she didn't need to know about the letter not till I could learn more. She would only freak how did it get in here? When she was in here all the time when there were two of her security details on guard at all times. Even doctors and nurses had to be scanned to get access inside. Placing the letter inside my drawer I sighed looking around there was nothing wrong with the room. I suppose it's a typical hospital room pretty modern with bright pink, purple tiled floors the walls were a huge mural painted by kids who were previously patients. Staring straight ahead I saw one filled with stars like a night sky a sparkling fairy peeked out from one of the stars winking. The next wall was a scene from a dream a magical forest with giant bunnies chasing cats filled the wall. The room was split into two the second room had a shaggy multi colored carpet a fluffy bright orange, blue couch which pulled into a bed was against the far wall a recliner chair there's a table for eating meals four chairs, a separate bathroom and an Entertainment center with a flat screen TV and stereo system. My room had a bathroom but the rest was a standard ICU room medical equipment which stood unused since I was removed from almost everything except an Iv, catheter pulse monitor and oxygen. They were hoping to move me to a private/ normal room soon. Boredom was setting in Mum wouldn't let me watch TV, Listen to the radio I didn't know why though but it only made me fear more. Was my dad okay? Where was Liam? Why wasn't Phi here? I had to find out what she was hiding form me. Why wouldn't she talk to me? She took my phone my laptop. Sighing I tried to ease out of bed but as soon as my feet swung over an alarm rung out. Cursing I quickly tried to get back in bed but pain shot through my chest leaving me breathless. Helpless as I fell my face smashing against the wall. Within seconds my room was filled with medical personal. Strong cool hands lifted me up my face flushed from sheer embarrassment. Looking up as they settled me in I wanted to die. My nurse for the day Shelly shock her finger at me as I sighed my bangs blowing out. "_Princess Eleanor you know better do we need to restrain you?" "Your mother my queen will ring my neck if anything happens toy you!" "I somehow doubt my mum would care she's probably off screwing the prime minster." "Princess Watch your mouth you need to rest and not work yourself up." _I rolled my eyes as she tucked me in fixing my tubes, wires, monitors checking my vitals and examining me. _"your mother seems to care a great deal for you." "It's called her war paint her facade she has to show the world she's not a heartless …." Princess!" "I'm done Shelly" "Good all this stress is making your blood pressure rise, you want out of here back to your normal life than we need to get you healthy." "Am I going to be normal?" _

"_Why wouldn't you be?" "No one will even tell me what the hell is wrong with me!" _

She looked down ha she was hiding something. What the hell where they hiding from me? She listened to my heart beat checked my pulse looked at the monitor. "_Please Shelly I have a right to know it's my body how can I accept what's wrong with me how can I get better if I don't know what I am dealing with?" "__I__ understand where you are coming from I agree you have a right to know but I have orders to follow talk to your mum Eleanor." "I tried she won't talk to me!" "Princess you need to calm down, you'll make yourself sicker please." "I need to know what is the whole place keeping from me." _I was starting to freak out. She called a code white and people filled the room someone slipped an injection into my arm as I tried to fight them kicking and swinging which caused pain to rip through my chest I couldn't get my breath and felt myself blacking out.

Waking up I saw it was dark now where was I? Why couldn't I move? I was pinned down I started to feel a panic attack coming on. "_Eleanor shh my name's Keir I'm one of the night shift nurses calm down sweetie." _Nurses wait .. oh yea I was in the hospital. Slowly I felt myself calming down as she stroked my face with a wet cool cloth. "_If you stay calm babe I will talk you through this can you squeeze my hand?" _I felt her take my hand I couldn't turn my head to see her but she sounded young, kind. I squeezed her hand with as much strength that I could muster up which wasn't much. Why was I so weak? _"Squeeze my hand if you promise to remain calm and I will explain to you what happened." _ I squeezed her hand softly feeling incredibly weak and out of breath. "_You had a panic attack earlier today I know your worried and scared, your doctor will be in shortly to explain things to you." _Why bother if he is going to lie? Was my first thought but I couldn't voice it. She seemed to read my mind though she squeezed my hand back. _"Dr. Wilde Damien will talk to you honestly she is talking to your mum now trying to explain to her that keeping the truth from you is only hurting you, that's why your attached to __restraints because you pulled out your IV when you freaked out causing some major blood loss__you tore an artery. Were giving you a unit of blood now your on a vent to help your oxygen flow. We also put a neck brace on you so you wouldn't thrash around you almost fell out of bed again." "I'm going to sit here with you until Dr. Wilde comes in okay?"_ I nodded feeling sleepy again.

The next time I woke up it was light out no one was by my side but this time I knew where I was. What time was it? What day was it? That I had no clue, I knew I was tired and hungry though. Looking over I saw I had a feeding tube in me. I didn't have that yesterday did I? Wait how long had I been sleeping for? My eyes adjusted to the brightly lite room squinting I saw on the board. Today is February 12 th 2015 wait it was what day? That means I had been out almost two weeks. Mum had to be behind this she was having them drug me to keep me from the truth that bitch! She would rather me be completely lonely than have me have any control over my own damn life! Id fix her who did she think she was messing with? Flexing my fingers I pressed the call button see how she liked me now. The nurse that came in I didn't recognize probably about 32, 23 he had a pleasant smile but was definitely pretty fresh to this whole thing."_Good morning Princess Eleanor how are you feeling?" _Of course I had a tube down my throat so I couldn't answer, instead I batted my eyes he fell hook line and sinker. I made a motion like I was hot so he undid my collar and restraints. "_I'm only doing this so I can examine you once it's done they go back on." _the minute I saw him put his i-pad device down I faked a panic attack he ran from the room screaming for help so I swiped the i-pad and hide it under my blankets and pillows. Within moments he was back and I faked being asleep. A flurry of activity and questions followed as his coworkers dragged him out pulling question after question on him. Alone again I pulled out the i-pad and quickly turned it on the page was still up from when he had been on and my chart lay open for me to view.

**Patient Name: Eleanor Henstridge **

**Age:20**

**DOB: July 30th 1995 **

**Parents: Helena Henstridge, Simon Henstidge **

**Medical record # 24601333 **

**Diagnosis: Dilated Cardiomyopathy **

What the heck was that diagnosis? What did it mean? It sounded pretty grim. No one had come back yet so I clicked on the name and it brought me to a meaning of the diagnosis. Dilated Cardiomyopathy (DCM) is a condition in which the heart's ability to pump blood is decreased because the heart's main pumping chamber, the left ventricle, is enlarged and weakened. In some cases, it prevents the heart from relaxing and filling with blood as it should. Over time, it can affect the other heart chambers. Which can ultimately lead to heart failure if not treated. Heart failure symptoms include but are not limited to shortness of breath and fatigue. Swelling of the lower extremity fainting caused by conditions such as irregular heart rhythms, abnormal responses of the blood vessels during exercise. Palpitations fluttering in the chest due to abnormal heart rhythms. Dizziness or lightheartedness. Blood clots can form in the dilated left ventricle as a result of pooling of the blood. If a blood clot breaks off, it can lodge in an artery and disrupt blood flow to the brain, causing stroke, chest pain or even sudden death a blood clot can also block blood flow to the organs in the abdomen or legs. I clicked back to my chart and scowled through to see what stage I was in feeling pretty shaken up.

**Treatment: Patient has received a portable ICD implanted into her chest been placed on Angiotensin converting enzyme (ACE) inhibitors Angiotension 2 Receptor Blockers, Diuretics, Digoxin. Patient has shown little improvement has spiked a fever of 101.2 Patient ****has been combative and has failed to thrive to the expectations we had hoped. **

**Unfortunately, the disease has reached an advanced stage and heart failure has occurred ****Patient will need a heart transplant to survive****. Patient has been refereed to ****psychology for an elevation.**

I felt detached numb this couldn't be my file, this couldn't be my life! This had to be some mistake scanning the file again I checked and rechecked the name, age, date of birth parent's name. They all matched up. Swallowing I felt sickened and shaky and icy cold. Why could I stop shaking? Fear consumed my body. What did this mean for my future? Did I even have a future? Footsteps echoed in the halls. Quickly I grabbed the i-pad and set it back to the home screen tossing it on the table as I turned over closing my eyes. Tears slide down. How could she not tell me this? How could she be so selfish and keep the truth from me? It was my damn body my life my illness. I was dying and I had a right to know. She had no business keeping this from me.


	27. Chapter 27

**Eleanor**

This room was huge and too quite I wasn't use to this quite the palace was always so active and noisy. Between the staff members bustling my family, the tours there was always a high level of activity. Shelly my private nurse was sitting at the desk charting some notes as I lay there staring at the ceiling for the hundredth time. Where was my mum? Why wasn't she here? Too afraid to face me? Or just didn't give a damn as long as there was no team of doctors, no media no spectators no audience to play into than I guess it wasn't important enough. Translation I wasn't important enough. "_Eleanor dear it's time for some blood" _ My eyes went wide as Shelly came over with her basket swallowing I tried to keep my breathing calm. Why should this bother me? I did drugs for fun it wasn't like I never shot up before. This should be a piece of cake right? Except those time were volunteered this felt like I was being held captive by some blood thirsty vampire. "_As always Eleanor I will be as gentle and quick as I can" "Most of my little ones tell me they don't feel anything it's over before they even knew it begun" _I really wish I had Mum here with me or Liam, Phi. I guess it didn't matter though even if they were here I would still have to give them the blood. Some things I would have to do on my own no matter how much I didn't want to. "_Eleanor babe is everything okay with you?" "You seem very quite, are you feeling sick?" "No just sick of being lied to" "Who's lying to you?" _I knew she was only doing her job but I still glared at her as she stuck me. Another lie it did hurt tears stung but I fought them off. Turning my head gritting my teeth. How could she play so dumb? Who's lying to me? Who wasn't? I had no idea who to trust. Someone had killed my brother even though my mum swears it was suicide. My father had been stabbed. Liam had all but abounded me and Phi swore she'd be there but where the hell was she. Why wasn't she fighting for me? I mean I know she's Liam's girlfriend and not really loyal to me. Still I thought we had a nice friendship thing going. Guess it only lasted while I could give her the finer things. "_Eleanor if I maybe so bold as to give you some advice?" "Go ahead it never stops anyone else" "Princess I understand your confused" "I'm not confused Shelly I can see things more clearly now than ever before." "My mum is a liar a slut and a cheater and she'll do anything to keep her precious image alive and prospering including shipping me far away just so I could never know the truth not until she can think of some story how to spin this to the damn public" "With all due respect Princess your mum has been here everyday worried for you scared she's been fighting for you every step of the way we had two doctors quit and ten nurses ask for transfers because they didn't live up to the queens standards." "No one ever lives up to her standards Shelly especially not her kids" "Her standards are high because she cares so damn much Eleanor I see it in her eyes she may not know how to show it but by being so tough it's her way of __telling you that she wants the best for you she wants it because she knows it's what you deserve" __ "__Easy to say for someone who doesn't know what life is really like behind closed doors" "Your right Princess I don't but I know parents, I have worked with countless families as they battle illnesses" "Yea how many of them keep the truth from their kids?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about I know the truth I know I'm not here for pneumonia I'm here because I am dying and she won't talk to me about it!" "I hate this place!" "I hate not being in control" __"__Eleanor for god sakes darlin stop acting like a spoiled brat you weren't raised in a zoo, your father and I installed manners and values in you and your brothers" _My mum stood in the doorway her arms crossed eyes glaring at me. "_Than why won't you talk to me Mother?" "It's my body my life, my illness I have every right to know what is going on I'm not a child" "Do you remember what I use to tel you that when you would get mad as a kid Eleanor how you would pout and stamp your feet?" "Yeah that if I wanted to be treated as an adult than act like an adult" "So start acting like it Eleanor" __ "__Stop yelling at Shelly she's only doing her job" "You mean your job mother she's talking to me when you can't even be bothered to show up" "That's not fair Eleanor I have been very busy" "Yeah running a damn kingdom because god forbid we have one day when the queen isn't there to greet her people, never mind that her only daughter is fighting for her life." "We can't leave the people alone but we can leave Eleanor alone all day after all she's the palace shame show who would care" _

I saw my mum flinch a little as she sighed coming over. Nodding at Shelly who left us alone shutting the door behind her. Mumcame over and held my hand which I tried to pull away but she held tight. "_Eleanor I am sorry perhaps I misjudged this choice your right your old enough to handle the consequences of your actions" "You want to know the truth?" "Yes please Mum I deserve it" "fine I will call Dr. __Damien __to come talk to you sweetie in the mean time why don't you write down a list of questions you want to ask that way we can be ready when she comes in okay sound fair?" _I agreed and started thinking fear consumed me but writing always helped me so in no time I had a page full of questions. I fell asleep while waiting for Dr. Damien to show up but when I woke I found my mum sitting by me curled up in a recliner which couldn't be too comfortable since she's as tall as I am. As soon as she saw my eyes open she stretched yawing and came over taking her place by me. She got on her cell and told whoever it was that I was awake. Minutes later the door opened and a young woman in her late thirties came in she was tall elegant and thin with long brown hair curled hanging from a high ponytail. After a round of introductions she sat by my mum and got straight to asking me what questions I had for her. "_Dr. Damien what risk factors predisposed me to developing a dilated cardiomyopathy? If so, are these reversible?" "Princess there are many reasons as to why a person becomes sick with this illness sometimes we never really know" "But you do in my case don't you?" "Yes I am afraid so in this case your cocaine usage damaged your heart, I'm afraid the damage is irreversible" "__Can dilated cardiomyopathy affect my heart valves?" "Yes Princess it can and in your case it already has effected __your values causing arrhythmias which is an irregular heartbeat you also are at risk for blood clots in the heart." "Does dilated cardiomyopathy limit my exercise capacity?" "In time as your disease progresses Eleanor than yes as of right now once we get you on some medication to stabilize you and help you function outside these walls you can feel free to resume some normal activity as long as you restrain from drugs, drinking, over doing it." Take your time when doing anything strenuous we will teach you how to take your pulse pace yourself and know when your heart is beating too fast from excitement verse over working" "Eventually though yes you will become too weak too tired to do some of the things you love, you will become slower until there comes to a point you simply can't? "How often should my cardiac function be monitored because of dilated cardiomyopathy?" "__We will be meeting once a month Eleanor unless you worsen than we will meet as much or as little as you medically need" "Should I follow a special diet because of dilated cardiomyopathy? Any dietary restrictions?" "__Yes Princess there will some major lifestyle changes"_

"_We will be putting you on a Cardiac Diet which will mean a strict limit of Salt intake, Cholesterol, and fat, breaking it down this may seem overwhelming but we will have a dietitian meeting with you and your mum to help you." "This a little of what she'll tell you." "Avoid artificial____trans fat completely__**. **__They raise your "bad" "LCD" Cholesterol level. Items that may have trans fat include baked goods, snack foods (such as microwave popcorn), frozen pizza, fast food, vegetable shortenings, stick margarines, coffee creamer, refrigerated dough products (such as biscuits and cinnamon rolls, and ready-to-use frostings. Even if the label says "0 grams trans fat," they may still have a tiny bit of trans fat; so check the ingredients list on packaged foods for "partially hydrogenated oils." Those are trans fats. __Limit __saturated fat__ to no more than 7% to 10% of calories. __Check food labels to see how much __saturated fat__ is in a serving of butter, hard margarine, salad dressing, fried foods, snack foods, sweets, and desserts. __When you use added fat, use fats high in monounsaturated or polyunsaturated fats for__ example, fats found in canola, olive, and peanut oil). You still need to limit how much you use, even with "good" fats, because they are high in calories. __Eat a variety of protein foods.__ Favor fish, lean cuts of meat, poultry without the __skin__, low-fat or fat-free dairy, beans, nuts, tofu, and legumes. __Limit__ cholesterol__**.**__ Don't get more than 300 milligrams per day of cholesterol from your diet. __Cut back on salt.__ This will help control your blood pressure. Most people get too much sodium, and a lot of it comes from packaged foods."__What stages are there with this illness?" _

"_Stage A __The first stage of heart failure includes Individuals at high risk for developing heart failure with no current heart failure diagnosis or structural disorder of the heart.""Stage B Individuals who are diagnosed with heart failure but exhibit no symptoms. Medications are generally prescribed at this stage along with close monitoring of blood pressure. Common medications include ACE inhibitors and beta blockers. The NYHA classification system shows a slight limitation in physical activity that results in fatigue or heart palpitations for individuals in this stage." "Stage C__ Structural heart disorders and symptoms are present in the third stage of heart failure as well as impaired physical activity. Medications continue with the possible addition of diuretics or aldosterone antagonists, depending on the severity of the symptoms. Rapid onset of fatigue and shortness of breath are common with minimal amounts of physical activity. It is recommended not to consume alcohol, to limit salt intake and to follow strict physical activity guidelines." "Stage D The last stage of heart failure is often referred to as refractory end-stage heart failure. Despite medication and lifestyle therapies, stage D candidates must consider end-of-life medical care or drastic surgeries, such as a heart transplant or placement of ventricular devices. Physical activity is unable to be performed without discomfort, according to the NYHA classification system. Elderly individuals with several comorbidities represent the majority of individuals in this stage and thus are not good candidates for surgical interventions" "__What stage am I in now Dr. Damien?" "Eleanor you are in stage C" "What's the bottom line doctor?" "The bottom line is we need to find a donor fast Eleanor because once you enter stage D your odds of being well enough to undergo an operation decrease" "Dr. Damien Eleanor has a rare blood type is that a bad thing a good thing?" "I see she is type AB my queen and this could be good because it will put her at the top of the list as a rare candidate __which means she would get priority" "However if she gets sicker and needs a transplant and there's no donors available with this type of blood" "I'll die basically won't I doctor? _She didn't need to answer me but she did her voice steady but gentle as Mum squeezed my hand. "_Yes princess Eleanor without a heart transplant you'll die" "How long do I have Dr. Damien?" "We can never really predict Princess everyone progresses differently statistics show that since this disease is typically diagnosed late survival rates are 5-year 50%. 10-year survival 25%" "Thank you for being honest Dr. Damien I need you to always be honest with me no matter what my mother tells you I am the patient not her and I want to be in control of what little I have left to control" _Dr. Damien looked at both of us my mum sighed giving me an icy stare blushing as she looked at my doctor. "_You have to excuse my daughter she was never one to know when to shut her rude mouth" "No Queen you will have to excuse me as I tactfully disagree with you Eleanor is old enough to know what is going on with her body and she has every right, I understand you want to protect her that you love her" "No Doctor she loves money, power and her precious monarchy image she cares little for the real people behind the image" "Eleanor!" "__Look just because your upset that you got some bad news does not give you any reason to take it out on me I didn't put the damn drugs into your body Eleanor you did if you want to blame someone for getting sick look in the mirror." _My mum gasped as she covered her mouth but I smiled finally someone had said it out loud there was no one to blame for the raw deal I got except me. "_don't you get it mum I know I am to blame but how can I take it out on myself when taking everything out on myself is the whole bloody reason I am in this mess!" "Don't you understand mum I'm scared and I don't know who to turn to!" "Liam isn't around Robert's dead, My dad can't talk to me and why would he I'm nothing but a wild zoo animal a disappointment, he's ashamed of me, Phi my one friend is shutting me out and I'm just plain scared mum I need someone and you don't give a damn about me... _I tried so hard to be strong to not cry but seeing the look of horror and pain on my mum's face was too much. I broke down she backed up great just like Liam everyone who I need leaves me. Angrily I swiped at her screaming at her to get out. She looked at me her own face pale her lips shaking. Was she really going to yell at me? I guess some things in my life will never change. FML**_  
_**


	28. Chapter 28

**Helena p o v**

"_By the time you read these words it will be done I only hope in time you can forgive me" _After I sent the letter with Lucius. I was ready to tear the cork screw off every damn bottle of wine, bourbon and gin bottle we owned. Leaning back in Simon's chair; Simon the King of England my husband the man I spent twenty three years married to. The same man who's life I had stolen with one phone call. Closing my eyes I sighed would anyone ever understand what I had done? Why I had I done it? Could I even except them to? The truth was I could barely even understand it all, I knew I had crossed a line I had betrayed my dear husband. Simon is a good, kind decent man who cared not only for the kingdom who he was sovereign to but he was a loving devoted father to our children and in a past time he was a great husband. I don't know when it all started to go wrong it didn't happen over night but in moments over years. One day he didn't bring me roses anymore, than he stopped finishing my sentences, he didn't look at me the way he use to. Our kisses didn't feel so magical or maybe they never really did. Maybe it was all an illusion one my mother had implanted into me ever since I was a little girl. It was her idea for me to marry Simon. Growing up on a farm in Hertfordshire I had a simple but pleasant life, my dad owned a small but modest earing farm. Between school and working on the farm I had little time for friends, movies, entertainment. Yet I loved it I mean who needed human friends, they back-stabbed you used you and talked about you behind your back at least my so called friends did. In their eyes I was never pretty enough, thin enough, I was too smart so I was a show off, I was a tom-boy who would never measure up to their standards. No boys would go near me because they knew their rep would be damaged, they were afraid of my dad who was known as a target hitting hunter. He was very protective of me and his most treasured possessions. He had no issue shooting kids with salt guns who tried to pick his produce or corn stalks.

No animals they were loyal loving dependable companions. I enjoyed grooming them bathing them feeding them training them. I didn't enjoy butchering them but we do what we have to so we can survive. It's kill or be killed right at least that's what my dad would say. I idolized my dad growing up a hard working take no nonsense dad he wasn't big on hugs, or displays of affectation on any kind but I knew in his own way he loved me and wanted the best for me. I wanted nothing more in this world to make him proud of me so I did everything he told me and always went the extra mile. We use to go hunting together, fishing we tossed a ball occasionally. Every Saturday and Sunday we went to town to sell our homemade jams, produce, breads to the locals. We did our own growing, picking, canning. It wasn't an easy life but it was rewarding. Mum was never into any of the farm stuff while daddy and I did all the hard work to earn enough to keep the farm operational mum spent the money faster than it came. She was a cynical bossy woman who was never pleased with anything daddy did she didn't work a day in her life, yet she would yell and demand and throw things when we didn't have money to pay for the newest luxury item she couldn't afford and shouldn't be buying. She would piss me off so bad I hated hearing her and daddy fighting how she criticized him scolded him made him feel not worthy enough not good enough. When their fights got real bad I use to run away from the house into the barn, the horses the sheep they would make me feel better. I would talk to them dance for them with an old rusty guitar, I put on cute shows they were the best audience. I throughly enjoyed dancing and singing but since we never had enough money for proper lessons and no time to take them, I was reduced to preforming for my live stock. Pretty childish for a girl of almost fourteen but with no friends I did what I had to just to get through the fights, the fears. I dreamed that one day I would get out of that house move far away to Gloucestershire build up my own farm. I dreamed of raising herds of sheep, milking cows creating my own line of home made organic food. I had visions of selling them world wide. It wasn't fame I desired but helping people live healthy lives. I wanted a whole farm of animals I was never much a kids person but animals were and are so special to me. Someday maybe I would find someone to share my life with, I never thought it would happen so quickly though.

Yet it did my dad had a heart attack he survived it but was never the same after. He couldn't do what he use to and it was too much for me to take on at fourteen. He wouldn't let me quit school he said education was the road to success and he would be a damn fool if he let me give up that path. So we hired a couple of farmhands to help out one of them was twenty year old Alistair. There was something about him that just made my knees melt, he was smart, strong, handsome, funny and totally in love with me. My dad would of went ballistic if he knew I was crushing on the help so we kept it secret.

He would leave me little love notes in the horses saddles, hide little treasures all over the barn so I would spend hours finding them as I did my chores. Long after my parents were in bed we would sneak out to be alone. We discovered so many perfect hiding places all across the farm. I hated lying to my dad but I had finally found someone who liked me for me who treasured me, someone close to my age who made me feel sexy. He was so romantic setting up picnics with roses and soft music he encouraged me to sing he would reward me little kisses homemade crowns made form my favorite flowers daises. We would make love under the stars and talk about our future. Everyday we worked side by side smiling at each other when no one was watching. Despite our hard work the farm took a huge hit and kept sliding. We were losing money so fast we were scrapping by on ice, mum however never stopped racking up credit and spending money. Everything was happened so fast one day we were struggling to get by than it was over my dad called it the perfect storm. It was really three small storms that cascaded into one huge destructive tornado first came the great storm which was an extra-tropical cyclone with hurricane winds. We were left without power for over two weeks live stock died, we had no way to plow, seed the fields, losing thousand in dollars of crops. We lost tress, equipment, our road was closed due to flooding so we had no way to get out to get help, supplies. Than came Black Monday 19th of October 1987. I was seventeen years old. The stock markets around the world crashed shedding a huge value in a very short time. Than the interest rates happened honestly I was too young to understand it all at the time. What I know is that when my dad came home from the bank he wore a defeated, sad look on his face as his voice shock. I heard him tell my mum we were losing everything. I remember feeling my heart ripping into a million pieces watching my big strong proud dad tear up as he was forced to let go of his dreams, his hard work.

Just as suddenly as we lost everything though my mum stepped in and saved the farm. She pulled me aside and told me it was time for me to grow up take on some of the responsibility. She had a plan and if I went along with the plan, my dad would be forever grateful. I just had to keep it a secret. She had been having an affair with the king of england. She threatened to go public unless he did something to save the farm. So he did he gave me his first born son's hand in marriage. She had it in writing that he would provide enough money to keep the farm operational until my dad would pass. It wasn't what I wanted marrying Simon meant giving up on Alistair. In my mum's eyes love meant nothing money, power that was what made the world go around. I had no choice really that's what daughters do they obey their mum's they respect their mums. Well at leasts that's how I was raised to believe I don't know where respect stopped being a part of a generational upbringing but somehow this generation seems to have lost it all. I wasn't the only one who hated this plan either Simon hated being paired with someone not in his circle of aristocrats. Simon had his own girlfriend diamond heiress Pearl Kensington who he wanted to marry and have a life with he was a great student who enjoyed his studies biology and environmental science were his favorites. He excelled in sports rugby, football, basketball and polo he was never number one but he played with his whole heart. It wasn't enough though he was Royalty his life was mapped out since he was born. He played the part well obeyed his parents did everything he could to control his spoiled trouble making younger brother who made it clear from the time they were kids that he hated Simon. Still Simon showed Cyrus guidance love respect. He was and is a bigger man than Cyrus ever could hope to be.

Even as a kid growing up miles away from central London. I could see that Simon would be a great king one day even though I didn't know him from anything but the tabloids, Simon had this air about him that smelled of greatness. So marrying him as much as it killed me to give up Alistair it wasn't awful. Simon is a decent kind loving man and he did everything he could to keep me comfortable, he was different than Al quieter, not as silly but he in his own way was romantic. Bringing me flowers for no reason waking me with little kisses. Writing love letters and hiding them, taking me on long trips to far away places. I was thrown into royal life a lot faster than I could of predicted. Two months after marrying Simon his dad died from a heart attack. No one knows it was my mum who while the king was asleep injected him with 60 ml of air embolism she used a needle so small that no one noticed it among his other needle marks. Everyone knew the king had a pretty tabloid documented love affair with heroine. The pressure began from Simon and the palace for me to produce an heir, making love with Simon was more planned it was never because we loved making love to one another. Which is not to say the sex was horrid or un-enjoyable Simon was a decent lover. I played the part of his devoted wife, I screamed when I was called foe faked the orgasms. In time I learned to love him as he did for me. Six months later I became pregnant with Robert. Than three years later came the twins, I even surprised myself and enjoyed being a mum, To feel them kick me from inside to hold them to see their little faces as they discovered every little firsts, to ease their crying and suffering. My love was strengthened for them as they grew and over came obstacles, challenges. I found a new purpose in life they gave my life a new meaning. I wasn't just leading a nation I was shaping the future. I'm not sure where it all went wrong. Maybe as the pressure to be the perfect queen, maybe it was the love of money seeing how life changed when it came into my life. Made my dad's life richer, better, feeling the sense of power when I gave an order and everyone scrambled to get it done. Maybe it was a lifetime of giving up what I wanted for what was destined. I was never first not in my parents eyes, they needed me to be a dutiful daughter, so I became the perfect daughter. Simon needed a queen, I gave up my life to devote it to the monarchy. My kids needed a mum I gave up trying to make my marriage into a real marriage cause the kids came first, their well being their education, the royal up bringing. Raising three kids is not bloody easy either. Over time I became resentful and bitter, trying to have an affair without being caught with Alistair was taking it's toll. I resented Liam dating Phi because she was nothing more than help, she was my Al I never got to have mine and I would be damed if Liam gave up his future his birth right the very thing I had given up my life to protect. For some common whore and she's not even pretty. I was jealous of Eleanor's youth, her beauty her damn will she is more stubborn and more daring than I could of ever hoed to be. Yet there's such a beauty in her rebellion, I did what I had to so their lives would be better. Did I take it too far though? The look in her eyes I'll never recover. She's been through so much, the drugs, alcohol, the loss of her brother, her dad's stabbing everything I had ever put her through and now this. Cardiomyopathy the damn word sent chills down my spine and made me sick to my stomach. My children hate me they think I am a heartless bitch, I suppose I can't blame them. Two whole days passed before I even went to see Eleanor in the hospital. I just couldn't see my beautiful strong free willed baby girl hooked to all those machines, struggling to breathe. I could barely see Simon as he was Eleanor she's only twenty she has her whole life ahead of her she shouldn't be lying there in this hospital bed. Walking around I shock my head hundreds of years of history lived in jumping up from the past in these pictures lining this room. Our family history their legacy how could I let it all go? Simon was so sure it was the right call to abolish the monarchy he was so sure it would mean freedom, it didn't I know because I grew up poor it meant making choices that someone shouldn't have to make, cause without money you had very little choices. Money didn't solve everything or make some choices any less harder but there were some things that just had to be done. I love Alistair and always would. He may never see things the way I do or understand why I made the choice I did now. That's the thing though as a mum as a queen my life is never my life. It's a life of sacrifice and heritage. Now more than ever I needed to let him go.

"_We do what we have to do to protect the throne and to protect ourselves; this is not the end. I promise in many ways it is our beginning."_

Staring at a family photo from ten years ago, I felt a few tears behind my eyelids. Yes Eleanor Mummy will come through for you. Where did it all go wrong? How did we all get so messed up? She use to be so happy so full of life, she use to laugh so loud her whole body would shake, even as I held her in my arms her little pudgy hands would dig into my skin and my whole arm would shake from the sheer power of her laughter. She was a loving child who cared about animals, little kids she liked to volunteer at hospitals, shelters. She danced she sung her voice is so beautiful every word filled with a different emotion every dance move excruciated with grace and skill. I hadn't seen that in years now, maybe I was to blame in a way. I was hard on her, I controlled her tried to mold her into the image I wanted her to be. I was more like my mum than I wanted to admit. She'll never hear me say this of course. Like my dad I am not an emotional person I don't give hugs freely or say what I feel. It doesn't mean I am heartless though despite what my kids think. I am so proud of Eleanor she is brilliant in every way smarter than I could ever hope to be, passionate, creative, stubborn, beautiful, compassionate, sometimes too smart, too daring, it gets her in trouble. Jasper was a perfect example, she got into deep too fast. So mum saved her arse again I slept with him knowing she'd find out knowing she'd get made and get rid of him. It seems cruel but it made her tough and she has to be tough. Liam and Eleanor are the heirs to the greatest throne in the world. To be a ruling monarchy you had to be ruthless, tough, have a natural leadership, enough compassion to speak to the people to relate. Robert had it but he was gone now. Liam could have had it if given the time to grow up and mature with the training. Than Simon had to do what he did and Cyrus and I were forced to make some drastic choices. Now I was left to help my children deal with the consequences of my choices. I wouldn't lose another child to this life. Losing Robert almost killed me, he died unable to talk to us he couldn't handle the pressure. How I didn't know that he was dying inside, I don't know and I'll never forgive myself for missing the signs. My son was hurting so bad he felt death was better than living. Robert's 12 year old face grinned at me from the picture, he was smiling not just with his huge parted lips but with his twinkling eyes. One question remained it haunted me with both Robert and Eleanor.

**WHY? Why my kids?**


	29. Chapter 29

**Queen**

Looking back at Robert's life I searched and searched everyday since news of my oldest son's death reached me via my own daughter. Grief has consumed me day in day out. Even sleeping my mind was plagued with horrible nightmares. Robert was my first born our much awaited much wanted baby boy, the whole country cheered with us. He was after all our future king tears clogged my throat I could barely breathe as I thought about the life lost, the brilliance stolen from us all. Where did I go wrong? How did I fail him? Robert was the one child I was never hard on, not to say he had an easy ride but Robert just seemed to get it he didn't need me there to be riding him not like the twins do. Robert was always a good kid even as a child he knew he was destined to be great. As any little boy he loved horses the two of us always rode together every Sunday morning after church. I loved having that special time with my son. Robert took every instructions very lesson from myself and his instructors very seriously. Liam never had any interests in horses and Eleanor while she enjoyed riding had no patience for the care and time it took to ride. Robert would spend hours training, feeding, cleaning he was gentle yet firm. A natural born leader he was always talking to younger kids he wanted them to stay in school to take it seriously to stay away from drugs. He watched Eleanor slowly sink into a world of depression drugs, alcohol and he had no way to stop it. He knew she was being bullied but he had no way to know how to stop it. She wouldn't talk to us not even Liam, Robert was desperate to help her taking her to rehabs, therapists. Nothing helped her which killed him, Robert was always the type of child who couldn't let another see another life suffering. When he would see an animal hurt or sick he would bring them home nurse them back to health take them to the vets. He sponsored animals in zoo's always visiting them. He was an athletic child who loved swimming, football, rugby, tennis, track and field. He loved water always in the pool or ocean he loved to swim with dolphins. He was honestly just an easy child to love always bringing me flowers and making me homemade gifts worrying about the pressure that lay on my shoulders. Robert made friends easy taking unpopular kids under his wings mentoring them. No one would mess with them not when the Prince of England was defending them. I never told him but I was so proud of him. After all he was Royal it was expected of him but more than that he was only suppose to be seen with Aristocrats. He never saw it that way as long as you respected him treated him with kindness to him that was enough for you to be his friend. He never showed any signs of depression, anger he never used drugs rarely drank. He was loyal to his friends, family and was never without a date on the weekends. He was a kid that liked hunting and loved the military he was fantasied about guns and serving his country. Simon never wanted him to enroll but it was what was he had done what his father had done so it was only natural that Robert join the ranks of his family history.

So why my sweet Robert my loving honorable son who got along with everyone. Why is he dead? It made no sense at all. No wonder Eleanor didn't believe me Robert loved life he was a happy young man who had purpose faith and courage and a vision. I didn't believe he would do this. Robert was gone I knew that in my heart but my mind can't wrap itself around the why. He was only 23 too young to be gone. Did I miss some warning signs when he went off to training did something happen? Did he see too much? He never talked about what he saw but when I did talk to him he sounded happy excited he loved working out feeling his muscles stretch feeling new ones forming. No one would give me answers did he pull away from friends? Did he talk at all? The only time he sounded distressed was when a new story broke about Eleanor he was so worried about her partying her drug abuse and her drinking. The unprotected sex freaked him out on so many levels. He was worried she was killing herself but I always assured him it was media hype, that she wasn't any worse than any other kid her age. Yet even I knew it was a lie which I hated doing to him but he didn't need any more worry. Was it more than concern for Eleanor though all the time he tried to get her to talk was it maybe a way for him to see someone without us knowing? Was I too stubborn to see it? Swallowing I tried to control my breathing. I was suppose to put on a happy face a brave face comfort a grieving nation.

It was selfish really Robert wasn't their child the nation didn't carry him for nine months in my body, my heart my soul, they didn't raise him hold him when he was sick or scared. I was his mum and only I know how precious he was I am the only one who has the right to grieve for my son's lost life. No one can imagine my sorrow, fear, pain, anger, grief cause he wasn't "their" child he was "mine" yet I was their queen so my pain became "theirs" so I had to put on my warpaint and I had to comfort them. What I would never accept though is that Robert gave up on life. I have raised my children to be strong self Dependant to never quit to find a way to make the impossible possible. Eleanor was dying but she was still fighting even with the face of death my beautiful child held strong to her will her stubbornness. There was no way Robert gave up. So why were they calling it a suicide? I needed answers.


	30. Chapter 30

**Phi**

"_Pacing isn't going to help Phi" "I know you are worried about Eleanor but there's nothing you can do about what is happening to her." "I know it's heartbreaking" "No dad you don't understand this is ridiculous" "I have every right to see my friend__!__" "Not when she's the queen's daughter you don't, maybe if you hadn't gave consent when you had no right to give it maybe she would allow you to see her" "She was dying I had to do something Liam wasn't around and the queen didn't show up till days later" "She has no right to be mad at me I saved Eleanor's life" _ My dad stood behind his desk glaring at me why the hell was he taking her side? Shouldn't he be proud of the fact that I stood up and took charge when no one else was around? "_Why though? Why do you care so much you barely know Eleanor she's Liam's s__ister how much interaction could you really of had with her?" "She's a friend dad" _But I want so much more dad you would never understand. I wish I could tell him ask him what I should do. How could I even entertain the thought of ever having anything more with Eleanor? "_She's been good to me she's been the only one who's even tried to be my friend everyone else here is so fake or hate me they don't want me to succeed with Liam." "Forget about Eleanor Phi you'll never change the queen's mind now you crossed a line this time and I can't save you" "I don't need you to "save" me dad damn it I just need you to support me" "Well I can't Phi not when your putting my job on the line the queen has been on my arse for months now since you started dating his royal horniness now she wants me fired because of this latest stunt" "It wasn't a stunt dad she was dying and I was scared to death, I can't lose her!" "Why do you care Phi your acting like she's the love of your life stop being over dramatic" "I'm not being over dramatic dad did you see her?" "Did you take a damn look at her?" "Her heart stopped beating four times they couldn't keep doing CPR it wasn't safe they had to operate on her they had to do it fast seeing her like that was hell dad she couldn't breathe she wasn't awake holding her hand she was so limp so pale" "I won't lose her dad I don't care what either of you say" "__There's more to this Phi I can feel it but if you won't tell me than were done discussing this don't go near the princess" "What if I do? What can you do to stop me you don't control me dad I'm twenty years old I make my own choices" "You live here for free Ophelia remember who's roof this is" "Not yours dad and trust me Eleanor and Liam won't let the queen throw me out" "You think so you really think that they will go against their mum to save you?" Liam is a player a cheater he doesn't care about you your just his latest conquest, Eleanor is too sick to fight anybody now" "Don't underestimate her dad and Liam loves me" "He doesn't love you Phi he loves himself and only..._A loud knock on our door stopped us mid fight as Liam cleared his throat. I felt my face blushing as I nervously looked from him to my dad. My dad didn't say a word he just nodded towards Liam and stormed away. Pulling Liam into my room I sighed as he wrapped his arms around me. This time he smelled amazing no booze no smoke just old spice. Inhaling his smell I leaned against his chest closing my eyes letting the silence embrace me. Feeling him running his hands through my hair calmed me down, his smile aways melted me. His eyes always calmed me pushing me against the wall he kissed me. It wasn't his kisses I desired but I couldn't be with the one who I truly wanted and right now I would take any comfort I could get. This worry this stress over not knowing how Eleanor was it was killing me. My heart was breaking in two. He stopped kissing me as I fell against the wall breathing heavy staring into his eyes which held such serenity his hands braced under my jaw "_I've been a jerk Phi I know I have hurt you I don't know if I can ever make it up to you" "__It's just everything has been happening so quickly my whole life I was lead to believe I was next in line to the throne after Robert but I never thought it would come true, I never thought Robert would die, than he did and I just I wasn't prepared to take over I was thrown into it so fast. I should of grown up and I didn't I pissed it all away. I was so use to someone else fixing my mistakes, When my dad was stabbed it forced me to face reality. I stepped up I took the reigns than they swept the rug out from under me" "I don't know how to deal with this all I mean how am I suppose to take it my dad isn't my dad I am not the next in line people are talking about me but it's not in a positive way how do I respond to it all" _

The look of gut wrenching pain and confusion on his face made me tear up. I knew his pain how was I suppose to come out to my dad? He would never accept it. He would never accept me being in love with Eleanor. Someone once told me that love sets you free, they lied love is a trap it gets you in it's grip and it squeezes the life right out of you."_You let go Liam you let me help you wasn't it you that once told me we were in this together, it wasn't you against the world it's not me against the world it's us against the world." _He smiled and laughed as he kissed me hard lifting my arms pulling off my shirt, I wanted Eleanor but I couldn't have her not yet. I wanted to ask him about how she was if he had seen her. Right now though he seemed to need me and as much as he owed me for saving her life, when he was off getting drunk off his arse. It wasn't the time or place I was his girlfriend and I was here to provide all the support her needed. _"I need you Phi I need you to make me forget to comfort me" _Most girls would probably melt at this request but it wasn't what I wanted to hear still I lifted my neck allowing him access to my lower half. His hands caressed my back and stomach pulling off my jeans as I worked at his shirt. Feet and legs tangled as he lifted me carrying me to the bed. Where we made love because it was what he needed. Not what he wanted not what I wanted but he asked I gave into his demands because that's what the girlfriend of a prince does. I faked the moans and the orgasm but I felt nothing even as my body reacted giving him the results he wanted.

Afterwards he held me kissing my body I laid my head down on his chest. Hearing his stomach rumble I giggled. _"Damn Phi see what you do to me I need a fest after that workout?" "I can't help it if I'm that good" "Good no baby you are amazing" _He kissed me rolling me over on my back climbing on top of me again _"But food can wait a man needs to please his woman first and I don't think I did it with the first round" "I wasn't complaining Liam" "But you weren't screaming either Phi when I please a woman I like her to scream" _So he wanted me to scream okay I could do this he seemed to have a new life inside of him because he thursted inside of me so hard, I didn't have to fake any screams my whole body conversed tighten as I gripped him wrapping my legs around his waist allowing him deeper access. Moaning as a feeling I never experienced before filled me up my body heated up as I felt my whole body being pulled up he buried his mouth into my breasts, pulling my hair back. I trusted him with my body, it was my heart I was having trouble putting in his hands. His kisses lingered over my nipples his tongue licked my whole breast slowly stimulating every part of my tender flesh. His hand cupped my breast underneath his mouth now engulfing my breast. I gasped as his fingers worked my tender but fully awake G-Spot slowly he hit it over and over before he entered me again lifting my arms he lowered me till my elbows were resting behind my back and I was balanced on only my elbows. He pushed my legs apart lowering himself inside my thighs slow and steady he entered me hitting that spot my moans became real and fast my chest tight from unreleased pressure each stroke rubbed against my front wall which trembled each time than he picked up speed gripping the bedsheets I gasped feeling this intense pleasure and wetness fill me up. His mouth never stopped sucking and licking my breasts the combination together was more than I could take, I screamed his name tears falling as I felt everything explode.

Laying together I was breathless as he kissed me my face my body felt over heated like I was going to pass out. For just a few hours I had forgotten everything that was happening and I was overcome with a euphoria. I would always be grateful for Liam for that. Kissing him running my fingers over his chest I smiled down at him as he slept. Slowly I drifted off to sleep the happiness however was fleeting and all I could think about was Eleanor how was she? Was she hurting? Scared had her fever broken? Was she awake or still unconscious? I just needed to see her hold her hand, hear her sweet voice. Eventually sleep came but not without nightmares. I could see Eleanor in her hospital bed I could hear the screaming of the monitors, I kept reaching out to her but she was always just out of reach.

Every time I got near her I was so close to touching her, her eyes called to me begging me to save her. Her voice was small and weak crying as she called my name reaching for me than a gust of wind would come along blowing me away as a horrible screech filled the air as I looked up I was blinded by the falling feathers of a huge black raven who's claws lifted Eleanor up yanking her from her bed. She screamed and cried but her screams fell on death ears as she was pulled into the oblivion of the night air. I sat up sweating and crying out waking Liam with my cries he pulled me to him as I shock tears falling he rubbed my back as I told him about the dream. _"I'm having similar nightmares Phi it's horrible I can't help her I don't know what to do except in my dreams I see her in a club surrounded by stage lights people dancing around her as she's shooting up. I can't reach her every time I try I am shoved back by a tall muscle dude, I'm trying to yell to her but as she looks up I can see in her eyes she's already so far gone there's no light in her eyes their dead and she puts that needle to her vein.. she just drops and I can't even catch her body …._His pain is so parable so evident there was no denying it, it killed me slowly I kissed him climbing on top of him. Together we made love again and again each of us trying to forget to feel anything except the helplessness and fear.

After we had showered and fooled around in the shower Liam had the idea to bring food to Eleanor I was shocked to know she had been brought home earlier in the day as soon as the doctors saw it fit for her to be moved. We sneaked out the window Liam holding me gently as he took the lead holding my hand. Looking out for the guards which seemed to not be around were we really that lucky? The whole time I held my breath as we sneaked around the palace grounds entering in a hidden spot sneaking through the tunnels. He knew them like the back of his hand every so often we stopped to catch our breath or to kiss. Coming out just a few inches from her door I was shocked there was no guard there. Liam motioned for me to wait with the basket behind the door as he went to her room in case the queen was there but when he gave me the notice it was clear I sighed in relief going inside. Eleanor was sitting up in bed looking bored. Her face filled with delight as she cried out opening her arms to both of us. After a round of hugs and me checking her out to make sure it was really true she was here breathing on her own with just a portable oxygen machine a fresh wave of tears. We sneaked her outside through the tunnels. Liam picked a beautiful spot on a hill carrying her half way the other half she insisted on walking. It was far enough from the palace yet not out of sight for us. The evening was fast approaching the sun behind the clouds stars coming out to play which was so pretty. Feeding each other grapes and low salted turkey on wheat bread sandwiches. We lay together watching the stars naming them we didn't discuss what she had been through we talked about the latest celebrity breakups, the hottest songs. Where she wanted to go for vacations, she laid her head on my chest as we talked about what movies were coming out. After we ate Liam went for a walk and she turned to me grinning. "_So how was it Phi?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about this.. _She motioned to my face I felt myself blushing pushing my hair behind my ear I tried to look away. "_Don't try to hide it Phi __I know you and Liam did it" "Did what I don't know what your talking about, I'm talking about you and my brother being together, I think it's adorable" "Than why do your eyes say something else Len?" _She ran her fingers through my hair in that instant I saw her nails were blue and so were her lips under the pink lipstick. _"They don't babe it's probably the lack of oxygen" "Not funny Len what's wrong?" "Oh beside the fact that I am dying? Nothing than I guess I'm just peachy" "Your not dying Len will find a heart for you you'll be okay" "This isn't about me Phi I'm worried about you" "Me why? Your not happy I mean you are now I can see that after sex glow all over you I mean damn I knew my brother was good but" "Ew Len did you hear what you just said?" "Um yeah now that you said that ew is right" _We both laughed as she laid her head on my shoulder I laid down against the blanket as the night sky took over casting an eerie glow down on us. _"There's something your not saying Phi and I want you to know you can always talk to me is there someone else? I won't judge lord knows I can't pass judgment look at where my behavior has gotten me" "Yea there is but it can never happen and I won't hurt Liam" If your not happy Phi than screw Liam" _

"_I love him he's my brother but I love you to" _Did she just say she loved me? She did didn't she? Calm yourself Phi she means as a friend, nothing more. Sighing I tried to calm my racing heart just hearing her say those words her voice so sexy with that cute British accent just sent waves of happiness surging through me._"You deserve to be happy and how do you know it won't work out?" "They don't feel the same as I do Len" "Have you asked?" "No" "Than how do you know?" "How do you know anything about any mystery Len" "You don't but you can't use that excuse as a way to stop yourself from trying" _She looked at me as I looked up at the stars I couldn't make sense of the things. Maybe my destiny had yet to be written or maybe it was already planned out written in the stars above. No matter what I was drawn to Len to her world and if it meant being with Liam just to be near her that happiness be dammed. It's easy to say of course but when I am alone I feel small and removed from it all like the moon did now hidden away by the stars terrified of the sky of the sheer radiant brilliance of all those small but powerful stars. Yet there was a beauty in the way the sky held those stars just like Eleanor when she smiled the simple yet small act sent waves of pleasure coursing through me and I knew I would endure anything to be near her.


	31. Chapter 31

**Queen**

Walking down the hall I took a deep breath looking at the pictures of Simon's family through the generations. I came across the picture of Eleanor on her sixteenth birthday in her gorgeous pink and white ball gown sitting proper as they took her photographer while she sat on the throne. She looked radiant her smile her eyes all shone. She played the part well like she was destined to be queen yet I knew deep inside she hated every second of it all. If her moans and constant screams of how much she hated it didn't tell me so her eyes and there murderous glares would tell me. I would kill to hear those moans now. Picking up her picture I couldn't believe how rosy her checks were filled with brilliant color life, a stark comparison to now how she looked now so pale. If only I had listened to Simon to Robert stopped her sooner. Confronted her the moment I found that stash in her room she was so young than only 15 but I chalked it up to teenage rebellion. Now my worst fear was coming to life, Eleanor was sick. Sick enough to die the guilt was enough to level me. I had failed her, I failed my only daughter. It was my job to protect her guide her shelter her listen to her. I didn't take the time to see how bad she was hurting I shoved her aside in my quest to be the best queen. I snapped out of it feeling Ted wrap his arm around my shoulders. My breathing was rapid he pulled me aside helping me to sit down, I felt sick and dizzy weak. I failed Robert he was gone now I was losing my only daughter. This couldn't be happening. He handed me some water taking deep breaths I tried to control myself no way would I lose control over my emotions not in front of staff. Ted of all people it was his damn daughter that allowed my daughter to be wheeled into surgery taking a deep breath I stood up adjusting my gown. "_With all due respect queen Princess Eleanor is alive her heart is beating she has time you both have time" "We almost didn't have time because of your daughter Ted honestly can't you even control your own kid?" "Queen I say this with all the respect in the world but my daughter is the only reason your daughter is alive, Eleanor would be dead from her own choices in life if it wasn't for my kid stepping up and giving consent when you couldn't even be bothered to show up and your son was too busy getting drunk in a pub to be with his sister" "Walk away Ted before I fire your arse straight on the spot" "So fire me queen or face the truth either way at the end of the day the truth will remain it's just a matter of how soon you are willing to face facts and move on" "The sooner you face them the sooner you can heal" _ I was left shaken as Ted backed away taking a deep breath I felt my clenched up hand shaking, my face flaming as he left. What was he talking about? Face what truth? The fact that I failed Eleanor and Robert? I already faced it there was little left I could do now about it. Going down the hall I went to Eleanor's room even sick she was still a handful going round to round with me. I couldn't stand seeing her attached to monitors. She hated being helpless and she was helpless against this damn illness taking every breath out of her. Yet even worse she hated being bored right now she was helpless and bored the combination was fit to kill me. It made her even more irritable with every question I asked I received a moan or a grunt or a sarcastic comment. Reminding her to take her medication, to follow her diet which she hated this diet, not that I could blame her it was pretty bland. Reminding her not to overdue it with her physical activity but to get some exercise. When I came in earlier to ask her to take a walk with me she threw a lamp at me. One last deep breath before I entered her room unguarded thanks to Cyrus, I was shocked to see her bed empty panic filled me up as I swung around calling for her. Where was she? Where did she go? How long was she gone for? She was too weak to be on her own for long. Ted had been with me, Rachael barely tolerated Eleanor she would never move her without an order from me. I ran to Liam's room but it was also empty, so was the bathroom. Where the hell was. Than I heard her laughter as I rounded the corner smacking straight into Eleanor who was draped over Ophelia's shoulders their heads bent in laughter. "_Eleanor what the hell were you thinking?" "Relax Mother I was just getting that exercise you were so frantic about earlier" "Eleanor you know you are not suppose to go out on your own it's far too dangerous" "I wasn't alone Mum I was with Phi" "Who's not suppose to be around you" Eleanor get in your room I'll deal with you in a minute" _

"_No mother you can deal with me now or not at all and do not attack Phi she did nothing wrong" _ _"__Nothing wrong?__Are you serious? She sneaked you outside your home without telling anyone! Your sick Eleanor you shouldn't be outside for more than an hour at the most and never without a trained adult" "Save it mother I will not live as a prisoner I can move I have my oxygen and I can take care of myself I took my meds and I can monitor my own heartbeat I know when too much is too much" "Eleanor I will not argue with you get in your room now!" "You get out of my sight before I have you thrown out of my house "Try it queen you can't stop me from being friends with Eleanor" "How dare you talk to me like that I am your queen" "No your not as you like to say I am American therefor you are nothing but an over polished Barbie with no real power" _I stood in shock as Eleanor laughed pulling Phi into her room slamming the door. Did that bitch really just say that to me?


	32. Chapter 32

**Eleanor**

The plane descended as the night sky twinkled Phi's gentle breaths came out in cute sounds as her head rested on my shoulder. Mum was going to flip out but I didn't care after the day I had I needed to get away. Everything came rushing back as I looked at the night sky. Sometimes life sucks if I'm being honest sometimes it just feels like I am all alone even in a palace surrounded by people I feel like there's no one I can trust no one who understands what I am going through and I'm not just talking since I have gotten sick. I mean my whole life I have felt like an outsider. I shouldn't have to feel this way. Here I have a beautiful girl willing to shower me with love acceptance and friendship and Mum wants to yank it all away. I know I can never have anything more with Phi than friendship, if I ever had any doubts seeing that afterglow on her face when she took me for the picnic confirmed it. I know there's something going on with her, she's not totally happy and I have a feeling it has to do with Liam. Maybe he's cheating on her, maybe he's not giving her the attention she deserves. I can't figure out what it is but I know it's something and I am determined to give her some attention and love. Even if I have to whisk her away to do it. She is the one person who has given me acceptance who understands me even better than I understand myself. Even if she never tells me she loves me or tells me that I am beautiful. I know she'll have the memories to hold onto she'll know I loved her more than I loved myself. She's bright, she's talented she has dreams she needs to be pushed to go after her dreams. Just like she supported me in finding out some hard but needed truths last night. Now I am helping her even if she doesn't know it yet.

Thinking back to yesterday I know she was scared holding my hand as we stood on the edge of the bridge. "_Marcus should be here for backup Len" "No he said to come alone" "__Trust no one"_Pain ripped through my chest as we huddled together against the cold harsh London winds. We shouldn't of been out there but I had to know what happened to my brother. I couldn't shake this feeling that there's something more. It's like he's with me every night I have these dreams but there so vibrant it's more like memories. Robert is standing on what appears to be white clouds he's trying to tell me something but I can't hear him I can't reach him. This has been going on for weeks now each night a little more appears in my dreams nothing eases my feelings of fear, nausea, I have so many questions and no closure. Talking to Liam did nothing he was distracted and didn't seem to be at all invested in finding out why Robert was gone. He just seemed to want to forget and I couldn't forget. My dad was the only one who I could talk to. Which is why I went so often till Cyrus banned me I was so angry I wanted to kill him even attacking him did nothing to stop him, he just laughed shoving me down. Still I tried to sneak into my dad's room but he wasn't there. Panic filled me till the nurse told me he had been moved back to the palace. I was barely in the elevator when I was grabbed by the hooded guy. He told me he had killed my brother and he would tell me everything I just had to go to the bridge alone. Even I knew I couldn't go alone the last few weeks had been sapping my strength. Every breath was becoming harder I needed more oxygen. More trips to the doctors. Still I needed answers the ones I had were adding up. Someone had killed Robert I was sure of it. Mum or Cyrus, Lucius someone was to blame for why my brother was dead and they would pay. "_You have to trust someone sometime Len" "Not easy to do when someone is behind your brothers death" "We all have our own demons our own struggles Len sometimes so ugly they scare us but if you don't try you'll never know" "What could you possibly be struggling with Phi whatever it is you can tell me" "Who's she?" _We both jumped as Brandon came up glaring at Phi who's arms wrapped around me. "_She's the only one more screwed up than you she's with me" "You said you killed my brother why?" "Cause where I come from a little money is a lot of money" "So you killed him for money?" "They said it was a military accident?" "Of course they did you have to ask yourself who they are" "Who are they?" "I don't know, I was asked to take control of a man aircraft I was offered a sum of money to do it I took the money I sabotaged the aircraft __your brother was the pilot" "What about the king?" _

"_I don't know about that all I know the major contacted me I expect to be next" "Before I go the least I can do is try to clear my conscious I'll take that into account when I get to hell" "They won't" _My heart sank as I thought about my sweet brother how afraid he must have been when he knew that his plane was going down and that he wouldn't survive the landing. What were his last thoughts? Did he think about everything he wanted to do and wouldn't get the chance to? Did he have time to think? "_One last thing my major use to get calls from the palace we called it oz so you might want to look close to home" "Why did you do this?" "I told you for the money" "No this tell me all this?" "They left a note called it a suicide it's not fair to him or to you or anyone left behind what kind of sociopath does that?"_

Taking her hand I helped her out of the plane into the awaiting car happy there were no paparazzi weren't there. I could see in her face she had no clue as to where we were. Once the car was rolling I leaned my head back feeling tired and out of breath. She kept turning to look outside as we rolled into the city that never sleeps it's lights brilliantly shining in a kaleidescope of colors. It was only a little past eight at night yet the city was sparkling so bright. She gasped as we pulled up to the New York City Ballet squealing throwing her arms around me. "_Len I can't believe you did this!" "Why not Phi your worth it, I know how much you love dance and no one does dance like New Yorkers this place is phenomenal I saw them several times growing up you have to see them to truly call yourself a dancer" "I always wanted to but I could never afford it" "Well I can and the money can't buy me a heart but it can provide you with some happiness" "Are you okay though Len?" "No but I will be Phi as long as your happy now let's go" _Taking her hand I slowly climbed out of the limo. Her whole body lit up with excitement as she took it all in the lights, the huge marques the sheer mass of people. Everything just impressed her she cuddled closer to me. I felt my whole body become energized with happiness and love. She never stopped being transfixed by it the entire ballet she clutched my hand squealing her eyes wide at every pirouette every jette. I smiled watching her this is all I wanted.

After the performance we were both starving so we went to a Mexican restaurant to grab dinner. We split our orders. Even though this wasn't on my diet I didn't care. Phi talked about the ballet all through out dinner. With every hand jester every wide eyed expression every cute squeak I fell more in love with her. Even as my energy drained and I found it hard to eat from the rising nausea I still smiled and tried to eat just so she wouldn't worry. Sweating finding it hard to breathe from all the smoke and heat inside I struggled to keep my war paint up as mum would say. I didn't want to think about how scared and angry my mum would be all I wanted was to focus on Phi. Who was smiling at me as she dipped a chip in salsa. Once we finished she took my hand hurrying me out of the restaurant she must of known I was struggling but once we were outside I inhaled the air along with my trusty friend Oxide aka as my oxygen tank. Our next stop was a friend of mines engagement party. We rode to the Greenwich village in silence. The party was in full swing when we got there so we grabbed a drink and sat to watch the couples dance, listen to some awesome music. I saw her check her phone while her face filled with worry. I knew her dad must be calling her like crazy I'm sure my mum was blowing up my phone which is why I had shut it off and not bothered to turn it on. Quickly I grabbed hers dunked it orange juice as she gasped than grabbed her hand and pulled her up to the dance floor. My legs were shaking as I started dancing phi grabbed me so tight I knew she was scared I would faint but I wasn't going to let this illness control me any longer. So I took a big gulp of oxygen and moved with the music our feet in sync her heart beat strong and steady as she nestled against me. The room was beautifully decorated a long oval shaped table with a crystal chandelier hanging down in the middle sparkling with rainbow colors. The center piece was made of glass with beautiful roses of all colors. Every light that hung from the ceiling had one of the gay flag colors shining down. Casting the room in a peaceful loving accepting vibe. I held her close my left hand on her elbow my right sliding down to grasp her hand.

Twirling I looked into her eyes as she smiled up at me. This moment was everything I could dream of and more. The sound of my friend's voice broke into our moment uh I could kill him but I needed him. Clearing his throat Trent Hammerstein smiled as I stopped dancing Phi rubbed my back as Trent introduced himself and hugged me kissing each other checks. Trent use to work as a palace guard up to four months ago when he quit to come to NYC to pursue his dream of being an artist/dancer. The two of us went outside taking seats on the fire escape all around us life went on people hurried along the sidewalks talking on cells or to each other. Trent smiled at me. _"So Eleanor I understand you have questions" "Yea a lot like why the hell did you leave me alone there you know how much I hate it, you were the only one I trusted with my secret Trent __you understood me" "I'm sorry Eleanor but if there's one thing I have learned in the past year is that you have to live life to the fullest everyday because there really is no day but today" "You couldn't do that in London?" "No not with everything that happened" "What happened?" _He took a deep breath looking down at his clasped folded hands. _"You know my home life was difficult at best__" "__Yea I know babe it's one of the many things we connected on" _ Trent grew up in London with his mum who is a strict Catholic his dad who drank most of his day away and took out frustrations on Trent. "_You know I always wanted to get out of London Len" "Yea so did I we use to talk about that all the time" "That's why I took the job as the king's guards to earn enough money" "there's no way you had enough money you only worked for us for two years" _He looked down there was something he wasn't saying I was sure of it grabbing his hand I felt him jump. "_Relax your not on guard any more I'm not your princess just your friend" "I know Eleanor but if I tell you what you want my life could be ended" "__What could be that bad?" "You left on good terms" _He looked away moving closer I ignored the pain shooting through my chest taking deep breaths I wrapped my arm over her shoulders. "_That's the thing Princess I didn't leave on good terms I was fired and ordered to get out of the country or he would kill me" "Who?" "Who ordered you who threatened you?"_ "_Your uncle Cyrus" _Pain seared through my chest as I swallowed trying to take in what he had just said. "_Princess are you alright?" "Stop calling me Princess I'm fine why did my uncle order you out of the country?" "Because I heard a conversation he didn't want repeated Len you have to be careful you can't trust anyone there" "Why does everyone keep saying that?" "Because it's the truth I heard Cyrus talking to someone saying he could never have this secret outed or it would be the end of him" I started digging around I discovered he's gay and he's with some guy named Holloway" "Yea I know him he's a m__ember of Parliament he's married so I can see why my uncle doesn't want it out, there's more though isn't there?" "Yea there is Len are you sure you want to hear this?" "Yes I need to hear this" "Fine but I warned you babe, I started digging around as I said carefully talking to people in and around the palace following leads I discovered Cyrus has been doing this for years with different members of parliament __scheming to take down the king paying people to poison the kings food slowly over time not enough to kill him just enough to confuse him make him start to question his sanity __and Robert had figured it out __which pissed Cyrus off they went around this for weeks Robert threatened to have it revealed if he didn't stop with his plan to take down the king" Robert also discovered that your mum was having an affair for years" "I knew it bitch how could she?" "Doesn't she have any clue how amazing dad treated her?" "Maybe it's not our job to judge Len we don't know the whole story" "What's to know?" "Maybe you should try talking to her" "So what did my brother do?" "Well he left for training before he could do anything except tell me he left me in charge of figuring out the rest" "I was confused I mean I was only Sixteen my dad had thrown me out when I came out as gay so I was homeless and needed money bad" "Robert offered me plenty of money to get the rest of the information he needed to confront your dad" "So I planted a bug in his cell phone with Marcus's help I got the information Cyrus talking to Holloway he confessed to it all as well as his plan to have Robert murdered" "I tried to warn Robert I called and called I even went to the military base but I was caught trying to sneak on and Cyrus confronted me at the palace he made it clear I get the hell out of England or he would have my mum and I both killed" "So your saying Cyrus had my brother murdered?" "Yes princess he must be the one who stabbed my dad than" _

"_In a way yes" "What do you mean in a way?" "Cyrus ordered the hit on your dad but it was Alistair who carried it out" "Who's Alistair?" "Your mum's secret lover" "Princess you need to be careful if Cyrus suspects you know" "I'm dead right?" "Yes Princess" "__Trent I'm dead either way" "Don't say that Len there's hope your alive on meds there will be a heart for you just don't give up" "Enough about me Trent how are you what have you been up to?" "I'm great now when I first left I was scared shit-less Cyrus gave me no time to pack no money just a plane ticket out of London so I came here penniless with no high school diploma. I slept on the streets stole from garbage cans I had to sell myself just to get any money. I was so scared hurting never had enough money to eat, every night I was handed over to someone else's hands for their pleasure, Len I was so ashamed I am still ashamed I didn't think I would ever get free I was afraid I would die alone on the cold streets" "They took away my self worth my self confidence if I disobeyed them I was beaten raped" _My heart broke for Trent as I squeezed his arm the look of self blame of pain on his face made my heart squeeze in disgust and anger. I pulled him towards me holding him rubbing his arm. "_As afraid as I was though Len I never stopped praying for a miracle" "How did you escape?" "Fate Len as I was working one night I was arrested the cops charged me but than they gave me help they got a court appointed attorney who got me off with the condition that I seek help get my diploma and set up a legit life" "He found a shelter for me called Solonomore House it's for homeless and runaway youth, it wasn't the safest place lots of fighting jealousy. __There weren't many kids that identified as LGBTQ or at least opened to it. I saw why pretty early on because I was beat up for being open about it. I left there pretty quickly but I was lucky because I went to get a job at a McDonalds and I was honest to the manger about being homeless he hooked me up with another shelter this one was called Haven Home it was for kids who identified as LGBTQ and they helped me get enrolled in school find a job go to counseling." "I started attending a group for LGBTQ teens which is where I met Brent he was a peer counselor a few years older a lot wiser than me" "We've been together for just over a month but he has opened my heart and I know he is the one Len I've finally come to terms with who I am and I love it" "I'm not even asking how you knew because I get it you just do, I'm so sorry my uncle did this to you did my mum know?" "no Eleanor I honestly don't think she knew about Robert but I know she had something to do with your dad's stabbing I don't think she knows who did it just that Cyrus hired someone" "Thank You Trent so much I promise you'll be protected I won't let him hurt you" "I know Eleanor I'm glad to help you, I know this has been tearing you up inside you deserve peace, Len you have to learn to forgive or it will tear you up you have to learn accept who you are and be proud of it" _Trent took my hand and walked me back inside I was exhausted and confused. Phi and I left early going back to our hotel which I used a secret name to book. After showers we laid down on the bed. After filling her in I laid there filled with more questions more concerns. Sleep came but not without my normal nightmares.

The next day we met up with Trent and Brent at Haven Home I was thankful they helped Trent and wanted to donate as well as meet the people who helped Trent and so many kids. We were greeted by Grace the director who welcomed us with open arms. She took us on a tour of the over crowded home which could only fit thirty youth but was currently housing almost 60 kids doubling rooms and beds. She showed us the staff offices also over crowded the game room filled with laughing squealing kids, the intake room where kids are brought in examined and elevated. Coughing as I struggled to get up the steps I could only go part way but Phi went upstairs with her while I went outside to get air. Overwhelmed at how much time and energy went into operating this place with so little funding I couldn't catch my breath I felt dizzy as I lowered my head to my knees. "_You okay honey?" _I looked up to see a young man sitting down by me he was tall skinny with buzzed hair and a smile as bright as his blond hair._"It gets easier honey it's always hardest the first day but their really cool here supportive and decent._

_I mean I ain't gonna lie they tough you have to do as they say or they won't help you yet they don't give up on you I mean I left twice cuz I couldn't deal with some of these rules, than I wised up and said you know what homes the only dumb one here is you living like a bum when you have the opportunity to really make something of yourself so suck it up fool and let them help you" "I can't tell you what to do sweetie pie but I can tell you that when I made that decision it was the first time in my whole life that I felt like a grown up. Don't get me wrong I've been acting grown for a long time my mom wasn't around she was too busy getting high or drunk, cuz drugs were more important than her own kid, my dad he was cool till I came out than I was scum I was a sinner he kicked me out when I was 15 so I took to the streets." _I had no idea why this young man was telling me his story but I felt myself blushing when it dawned on me that he thought I was a homeless kid. The thought also scared the shit out of me because I realized that if I ever came out my mum might kick me out. _"I didn't know where to go so I couch hopped living with whatever friends would offer me support, My family turned their back it's not acceptable with the __Puerto Rican/ Dominican community to be gay or transgender. I would rather be alone than depend on people who hated me for just being who I am for loving who I can't help but love" ''I'm proud to be me cause me is pretty fabulous" "So this place helped you?" "Hell yea gurl if it wasn't for Grace, Eliana, Jerry, Markie, Brent and all the amazing staff here I would be dead" "Now I am getting straight A's in school I am the president of my school's LGBTQ club I organize trips to gay pride parades, I fight for lgtbq rights. I'm working on becoming a social worker so I can help kids like me who feel hopeless and desperate." "Everyone has the right to feel secure loved and valued" "No matter where you come from who you are or what you have done" _He patted my back as I looked up there was no sign that he knew who I was relief flooded through me. Getting up I followed him inside feeling exhausted. Trent took me into an office that had a cough so I could lay down on. Giving me a bottle of water I sighed as he told me to rest he would find Phi. Laying down I swallowed the cool refreshing water as I closed my eyes feeling so much anger, how could Cyrus kill Robert? How could anyone throw out such an amazing young man like wait what was his name? So much cruelty in this fucking world. How could anyone still have hope with such evil such unfairness? Shaking I curled up with the blanket coughing long painful gasps sweating. How scared these kids must be with no parent to hold them tell them their loved and wanted. Even right now as confused as I am with everything I learned, I was more scared with my health not being able to breath my chest hurting. I honestly just wanted my mum. But would she even want me if she knew I was gay? Tears over whelmed me as I coughed trying to get some sleep.


	33. Chapter 33

**Phi p o v**

The New York weather was brilliant as I walked along the streets to clear my head so many thoughts were filling my mind. Like how mad my dad was going to be probably already is, how scared not knowing if I was alive or well. The abuse he must be receiving from the queen who must be going out of her mind with worry fear shock and anger. Passing by a park filled with a mixture of teens and kids I couldn't help but smile and picture what my future kid or kids would look like. There was an intense basketball game going on between six preteen boys. There were about twelve or fourteen girls doing double scotch and hand jives. Bringing me back to my childhood when I would gather with all my girlfriends at the local park in my hometown Cambridge a little but beautiful town In Nebraska. "_Mommy Mommy watch me on the swings I can fly!" _I felt my breath intake as I watched a little girl around five years old with the sweetest smile jet black hair down to her shoulders. She looked so much like a younger version of Eleanor. It was uncanny I watched while her mom scooped her up giggling. Would that be how our kids looked like? Sighing I sat on a bench would we ever really have that? Would I ever be able to tell Lenny how I really feel? Everything made me wonder how did she feel about me? I've had plenty of friends in my past but no one ever did anything like this for me in my past even my rich friends. Lenny extended a hand to me and went beyond friendship but did she mean more or was just so use to living lavishly that it didn't seem anything but normal to her. Taking off in the blink of an eye to location unknown without telling anyone. It seemed crazy but it's what she lived for the look in her eyes the feeling of being alive and in control. It's one of the many things I loved about her. Sometimes I swear she looked at me and there was more in her eyes but maybe it was me being paranoid. Sighing I got up and headed back to the shelter she should be waking up soon. Stopping at a cart I grabbed a hot dog and soda. Nothing beats a NY dog taking in the city I smiled I could see myself living here. Amongst all the artist and thespians, a city so full of life dreams all around me life was bustling. Spinning around I breathed it all in the sunshine the slight wind against the tall buildings the hustle and bustle of city folks rushing off to jobs business men in suits heading to wallstreet women dressed for success heading to their own business, to offices tv studios college kids scurrying to grab food, subs. The city was filled with so many different personalties. Squeezing in between the bodies that packed the streets I dipped and dived making my way through the tight crowds. Music blared out from several shops making my steps quicken with each pace. So many different shops surf shops, night clubs I could see Lenny loving these. Sex shops gross, parking garages, costume shops, starbucks, yum I had to get a grande moca latte deli's, clothing stores, forever 21, deb, regal cinemas amc theaters McDonald, Broadway champs. Now where was Haven Home again? Shit I should of paid better attention. Stopping inside starbucks I sighed there was a huge line. Oh well times square NYC what did I except? Listening to the chatter among the crowds I felt apart of something much bigger than me. College kids talking about their classes how hard their exams were how expensive school was. Parents talking about their kids achievements or misadventures. Finally I got my coffee and cinnamon bun yea I would defiantly need to work out to burn all this off. Grabbing my phone I typed in Haven Home in my maps and within seconds I had a location. Heading out I saw darkness had fallen the neon lights were on in full effect. All around I saw people milling around waiting for shows to start the streets were jammed packed now. Someone screamed as I saw a kid run past her grabbing her purse, people scattered to protect their valuables but the kid was already gone. Where did he or she go? I hurried along to follow catching up to them as they struck again this time another teenager. I watched as the kid took off. My feet burned as I hurried to keep up. Suddenly the ground met me as I felt someone rush me but I wasn't the head of security's daughter for nothing as I started falling I kicked out tripping the person who attacked me and landed on my hands flipping over in time to grab the kid who wiggled and squirmed trying to break free. His friends scattered as I held him tight body slamming him to the nearest wall. "_Who are you and why are you stealing from me and these other hard working people?" "I don't owe you anything bitch" _

"_Oh you owe me a lot cause if you don't start talking I'm calling the cops you know what they do with little punks like you?" "You can't be any older than 12 but robbery will get you quite a bit of time being a runaway that'll add on some years" "I'm not a runaway" "Than why aren't you at home?" "Do you know how worried your parents would be?" "They don't give a damn about me they threw me out" "I'm not 12 either I'm 15!" "I'm sorry okay but I'm starving and I need money" "So get a job your old enough" "No one will hire a throw away I have no address no legal paper work no form of id I have nothing" _The kid stopped moving so I let him go but kept a close contact so he couldn't move. "_Have you ever tried getting help?" "There's no help out here for kids like me" "How do you know did you ever look?" _He looked down tears falling from his eyes "_I stayed at a few shelters but their not safe their all full of people who try to use you or they all kicked me out as soon as they figured out who I am" "Look your hungry right?" "Yea I haven't eaten in weeks" "I'll make you a deal return the purses you stole and I'll buy you and your friends dinner all I ask is that you talk with me and give me a chance to help." "What's the catch?" "Who's your daddy?" M_y dad what did he have to do with this? How would they know him? He's all the way over in England. Did they go to the media? Did they think we ran away? Oh shit what if they thought we were kidnapped? I never thought about that. "_She means who do you work for?" _One of her friends spoke up wait this kid was a girl? Shit now it dawned on me they thought I was recruiting for some low life pimp. Well they were as far off as one could get with guesses. I almost chuckled but the look of fear on their faces told me this was no joke. Slowly her friends started coming back. _"Do we have a deal?" "Yea sure but how do we know you won't flake?" _

"_I won't look I can tell your not bad kids your scared homeless and just want basic needs that should be provided to every kid" "I'm a lady of my word you deliver the stolen items back and we will grab dinner wherever you want" "What if we can't find the people?" "Than you give it to me and I give it to the cops" _We made our way back to the theater district where I spotted one of the ladies quickly the kid went over and handed it back to the lady apologizing before taking off. I know cops were her main fear, her friends went to work doing the same. Once they had done what I had asked I let them chose the restaurant. Settling in ordering could see they were skeptical. "_Why do you care what happens to us lady?" "Well first off my name is Ophelia and second I care because I have a friend who made some really poor choices in life chose drugs, alcohol as a way to deal with her pain and loneliness now she's paying a heavy price for it" I don't want what's happened to her to happen to any other youths" "Well thanks Ophelia it's very sweet of you but what will happen to us after this?" "That choice is up to you I can take you somewhere to help you or you can chose the streets again, if you let me I have a place that helps youth who are left on the streets" "What's it called? Where is it? How do you know it's safe?" "It's called Haven home it's on 44__th__ street and yes it's safe because I know the owners it's for LGBTQ youth but if your straight they will help find you a safe shelter to stay at" _I saw them exchange looks as one cleared his throat and another raised her hand. "_I'm Sandra and I'm a Lesbian that's why my parents threw me out two years ago" "Sandra I am so sorry to hear that" _I squeezed her hand as our food arrived. We ate and started walking towards the shelter, "_I've been bouncing from __city to city I'm from Vegas originally but Vegas is a hard place to make it on the streets especially as a kid so I hooked up with a traveling magician she's six years older than I am she paid me to be an assistant but we ended up having a sexual relationship. I was able to travel with her to cities all over until we got here and we were arrested for preforming on the streets without a permit they got her on child endangerment and sexual misconducted with a child, I escaped along with Callie _Another young girl dressed in baggy cargo pants and a baggy black fades t-shirt covered in dirt and god knows what raised her hand. How old were they? I couldn't tell. _"We met up with Jordan and Sam in Brooklyn we've been traveling all over nyc for over a year bounced from shelter to shelter they've all offered promises but never came through I mean their over crowded under staffed __sometimes it's a relief from the cold wet streets I mean we never knew where we were going to sleep or find our next meal from but sometimes it's more of a burden cause there we never knew if we were going to be jumped beaten have our things stolen it's more stressful than living on the street__" _

"_Well I can see why you fall through the cracks but this place will not fail" "All you have to do is make the commitment to make change in yourself for your future __listen to their advice__" "Can you do that?" _Sandra looked at Callie, Jordan, Sam and the girl who had assaulted me. _"__It has to be better than what were dealing with now what do you think Larkin?" _The girl who had tried to rob me seemed to be the leader she looked to Callie. "_Are you sure about this?" "Your safer on the streets they can't find you if you keep bouncing around but if you stay in one spot they can find you" "Who's they?" _Callie shifted in her shoes looking around she was scared of something of someone. _"Whatever it is that is scaring you I promise you we will protect you" "You can't protect me from them their too powerful" "Who are they?" "Callie we can't help if you don't let us I know your parents hurt you but I am not going to let anyone hurt you again you have to trust someone sometime" "My parent's didn't hurt me they love me their probably scared to death" "So wait your parents didn't throw you out?" "No my parents love me I was taken from home when my girlfriend and I were sneaking out to go to a club we were robbed and left with no money we were scared our parents would find out and get mad so we tried to hitch hike but we chose the wrong car the man knocked us out and transported us across country we were sold into child sex trafficking this was three years ago. I was arrested last year and like Sandra said we escaped I want to go home but my parents would be so ashamed" _I reached over and hugged her as we approached Haven Home "_No one will be ashamed of you cause you did nothing wrong sweetie you were innocent you are innocent the only ones who should be ashamed are the pigs who did this to you" "Where is home anyway?" "Ireland and I miss it_" "_Well let's get you home hey Brent could you do me a favor and show these awesome young men and woman to Grace's office?" "Sure Phi welcome guys and girls" _Everyone except Larkin followed him talking excitedly Larkin sitting on the stoop. Feeling tired I followed suit wondering why she was so quite. _"I know it seems like it's too good to be true but sometimes you just have to let your guard down and do that trust" "The last time I trusted someone I got burned I trusted my parents to protect me to love me, I trusted my teachers to teach me to guide me, they threw me out of school because being gay is not the Christian thing to be it's a sin I am a sinner they told me to repent to god and I would be saved but I won't apologize for being who I am it's not easy. I grew u__p__ feeling different isolated from the other boys I never liked GI Joe's, I didn't like sports. I liked Broadway, I liked Barbie's. I liked dance and singing. I use to steal my older sister's clothes and play dress up pretend I was the biggest star __till the day my older brother Garrett caught me and ratted me out to our parents, they dragged me to church told me I had to confess my sins" "I couldn't because to me it's not a sin it's who I am" "It's confusing though I mean I was born a boy but felt like I was a girl __was__ it was some kind of a curse that god was doing to me I felt like a girl but had boy parts and I was attracted to girls" So what did that make me?" "How was I suppose to get people to understand and accept if I couldn't understand?" "I don't know it's the question I ask myself all the time" "Why?" "__H__ow would you know?" "Because I'm gay as well and I am in love with my boyfriends sister" "Ophelia did I just hear you correctly?" _I stood up spinning around shocked seeing Lenny standing there in shock herself. "_So your in love with me?" "Wo__r__d this just got awkward excuse me now" _Larkin ran inside as Lenny came down closer to me shit she heard it all, her face didn't give away what she was feeling though. Was she mad? Disgusted my heart was beating so fast I couldn't swallow I started to feel dizzy. She didn't say a word god she must hate me. "_Lenny say something I don't want you to hate me I never wanted you to find out, I don't want to hurt Liam I don't want you to feel. _She grabbed me scooping me up kissing me passionately. Suddenly there was applause ringing out but nothing was louder than the fireworks going on inside my mouth, my chest and my brain.


	34. Chapter 34

**Eleanor P o v**

Holding hands with Phi as we sat on the porch watching the sunrise two days later her hand over my back as I rested my head on her chest. I couldn't believe she had just admitted that she was in love with me. "_My little Phi always helping people I can't believe you risked yourself to save those kids my hero" 'I'm not a hero I just don't want to see any kid suffer for something they can't help" '"Are you okay Lenny?" "Yea tired but I'm cool lets go explore this amazing city" "Are you sure your up for this?" "Yes I am I want to spend time with my girl, to see this awesome place lets take some of the kids with us" _I squeezed her hand as she smiled and leaned over kissing me her lips so soft tasting like blueberries and peaches. I still couldn't quite grasp the fact that she was in love with me all this time and didn't say anything, If only one of us had the courage to speak up sooner maybe I wouldn't be sick maybe I wouldn't of made the same choices. I guess I can't swell on that now though the past is the past and we have to move on. Once we had a few kids with us we went out to explore. Holding hands Phi and I settled inside the plush car I wish I could walk but my strength was failing rapidly. We visited the 911 memorial the empire state building radio city music hall, central park went on a horse drawn carriage ride which was beautiful cozying up to her kissing her. I was a little freaked out watching for paparazzi but for the most park I just relaxed in her arms. We went to Rockefeller center metropolitan museum of art. Strolling through the museum hand in hand we paused at different paintings, structures she knew the history of most of these works. I was beyond impressed "_Who knew I nailed the smartest girl in the class" "Well technically you haven't nailed me yet" "Well miss that can be arranged" _Before she could protest I pushed her into a closet locking the door our lips her tiny moans only made me more hornier she pushed me against the wall our clothes came off fast as our lips moved over each others bodies. Breathing was getting harder but I wasn't stopping her mouth moved to my lower area shock imploded as I felt myself passing out but not from pain or lack of oxygen but pure bliss as her tongue worked her way inside of me.

Cuddling close to her as we watched all the kids in the indoor swimming pool everyone was swimming and ducking each other playing marko polo tossing a beach ball. Except Callie she sat behind us reading as I leaned against Phi while her hands rubbed my back. Could she tell how poorly I was feeling? I was worried about Callie she recently told us that she was transgender assigned male at birth her parents named her Lee but she knew since she was around two that she was meant to be a girl she started transitioning when she was five growing her hair long wearing dresses she moved on to hormone suppressions and Estrogen injections when she was 11 I learned she was 14 now. "_You alright Callie?" "Yea it's just harder for me swimming I mean I can't fully cover up my lower area without it bulging no matter what suit I buy." "You haven't tried shopping with me Phi will stay here and watch the kids lets go" _Phi laughed loving that I volunteered her taking Callie's hand we went out she seemed in shock that I would do this. I felt tears come to my eyes as I helped her pick out suits her eyes going wide as she saw herself in several, she smiled at me when I gave her advice and fixed different suits on her would this be like if I ever had a daughter? I felt sad knowing I might never get to have a kid. Memories of shopping with my own mum filled me up she was never encouraging as a teen with me always telling me I was too fat for this suit, I was too flat chested for this one. Turning her around I smiled and tickled her feeling my heart squeeze. I couldn't tell if it was from exhausting or sickness or excitement.

Two hours later she had three new suits she was feeling great and diving in the pool. After the kids were exhausted we went back to the home so they could shower, I laid down for awhile while Phi helped the staff/ kids get dinner ready. Sitting on the roof with Phi we watched the fireworks I think we were both feeling guilty over Liam but we tried pushing that away as we kissed her kisses had me feeling lightheaded and flushed.

"L_enny Lenny" _I heard her calling my name but I felt too weak from her kisses to respond. Suddenly everything spun out of control I felt her arms engulfing me along with the night sky. 


	35. Chapter 35

**Liam p o v**

"_Just grip my waist tight and you'll be fine Liam" "I don't think their will be a problem with that" _Her smile was brilliant as she turned around facing me on the big stallion who's hooves pounded the grass on the way back to the stables. Leaning closer to her my check resting on the back of her shoulder. So glad to feel the wind rushing through my hair. My butt bouncing up and down coming down on the hard saddle. Not pleasant yet I could live with it though since I got a great view of her amazing breasts bouncing up and down. "_Feeling m__ore__ relaxed now Liam?" "Yes defiantly thank you so much for suggesting this" __"__Of course I know what it's like feeling worried and scared about someone you love when their sick_ _any word yet on Eleanor?"__ "__No my mum's going insane she keeps spinning it to the press that Lenny's on an extended holiday she's pretending like nothings wrong to the world__but inside she's dying she's so mad, yesterday she tried to fire Ted the only reason he managed to keep his job was that he's as invested as her in finding them but he'll probably end up fired if they come back" "What do you mean if Liam" "I'm starting to wonder if Lenny took off so she could die without us watching worrying" _Saying it out loud sounded so horrible but honestly it was my main fear and part of me was so angry at her for being so selfish. She didn't take into account how this would make us all feel how worried scared and confused we were how maybe we needed more time with her. Than there was a part of me that was relieved I didn't have to watch her suffer try to make small talk and act like it was all okay when I knew it wasn't. "_I mean it's a good theory if she was a cat dude but she's human and honestly I think Lenny is just trying to live as much as she can while she can before this disease takes over her" "What I don't get is why did she take Phi with her"__ "__They've never been that close before now it's like their glued at the hips" _We dismounted and went to the stables I looked around as she took the saddle off and rubbed the horse down stroking it's mane and talking to him calmly and evenly. This place was amazing it's one of the things I use to love as a kid is riding mum use to take us kids all the time when we were really young she traveled with us to Gloucestershire I never told her how much I enjoyed it but I acutely did. I was always distracted by the cool bugs, tress and everything nature had to offer plus I knew Lenny really liked spending time with mum. It seemed to be the only time mum would let her guard down allowing them time to bond. Walking down the trail I found myself watching everything as we got in the golf cart. Ever since she told me about this place I was enchanted.Riding through the path I saw tennis courts, basketball, baseball fields, soccer, winding trails for walking and jogging. A huge swimming pool. What was this place? She hadn't told me anything about it so far I had only seen the stables and the huge archers of fields. Now she drove up a stone lined path the gardens here were immaculately kept. Three gardens were trimming and primping stopping at the parking lot. I got out stretching my legs staring at an older looking castle which was defiantly modernized I whistled. The sound of her giggles made me blush and my heart skip a beat damn she was so adorable. Taking my hand she took me inside. Which looked amazing totally redecorated a vaulted beam sky high ceilings with big bay glass windows. Polished dark cheery oak wood floors gleaming in the light streaming from the windows. The room was an array of brilliant splashes of colors. A comfy living room like area filled with couches bean bags and recliner chairs. In front of a wall of solid river stone with a mammoth fireplace. Above it was an amazing picture of five young adults over looking a river one young man was about 17 or 18 with spiky blond hair his bangs hanging over his brilliant green eyes dressed in total punk/ Gothic clothes holding a bass guitar. Another young man who I think was in his mid twenties had wavy blond hair that looked like it was blowing in the breeze like a commercial. His hazel eyes seemed to be laughing as he spun a portable keyboard a tin whistle was around his neck, he was average height shorter than the other male but both built and thin. Three girls surrounded them one had flowing red hair and greenish/blue eyes she was around 5'6 thin but with the richest milkiest skin I had ever seen a splash of freckles lined her checks and nose. Her breasts looked amazing they had to be a D cup. She was holding a Guitar her right leg resting on a rock her head slightly turned to the blond wavy haired boy their eyes connecting sharing an inside joke.

The next girl was taller thinner with richer skin long flowing black hair green eyes she was dressed in all black and purple leathers. My eyes landed on her bosom at least a DD cup she was grinning but her grin seemed darker, the youngest girl stood next to her even taller around 5'9 with curly blond the same eyes green/blue so bright but filled with what seemed to be a sadness. "_Liam darling I just have to pee have a seat I'll be right back" "Okay babe" _I sat down next to a young man who looked younger than me; Smiling he nodded at me. "_Hey sup?" "Nothing mate what about you?" "Same just chillin on break so you thinking about working here or volunteering?" "I'm just visiting my friend, _Damn I wish she would tell me her name this was so awkward. "_Oh Kylie Yea she's cool man I've known her for about four years she works her arse off pretty cute arse to huh?"_ Kylie so that was this beauty's name wow I loved it it seemed right cute like her. Grinning I nodded at the young man who held his hand out for me to shake. "_I'm Nate Richards man nice to meet you" "__Same here I'm Liam Henstridge" "How long have you been here?" "I was a camper since I was 12 and I started being a junior cit when I was 15 now I'm a full counselor but I wanted to come up for a few weeks before camp starts in two months just to relax and have some alone time" "I hear ya there man so how long has Kylie been here?" "Liam _I jumped as she came up grinning I felt myself blushing as I was caught snooping. She sat on my lap as I pulled her to me. Kissing her deeply as she rubbed my back. "_Anything I can answer for you about me baby?" "Yea I want to know everything about you babe" "Okay well I've been coming here since I was 10 started being a cit at 16 and now I am a full time counselor plus I am the assistant camp activity advisor" "What camp is this?" "It's called Fisis Aisling it's built exclusively for kids who have had or have life threating or terminal illness it's the only camp in all of the uk that accepts kids of all illness and isn't limited to a certain illness" "So to be here you have to be sick?" "Yea or be a brother or sister to a kid who's sick" "That's why I know so much about how Lenny is feeling until three years ago I was also on the transplant waiting list except for lungs" _I was blown away you could never tell she was sick or had been sick she was beautiful happy glowing. Yet she was sick enough to die only three years ago. I didn't want to press her for details and she didn't seem to want to offer any more. So I pulled her close and kissed her. Alone now she smiled and cuddled close to me sliding next to me on the couch. _"Liam this is sweet but what about Phi I don't like feeling like the other woman" "I know babe it's not fair to you either but until she gets back there's not much I can do" "when she does get back than what?" "Than I promise I'll break it up with her and we can be together" "do you think your mum will ever accept me?" "Who gives a damn about my mum?" "Um she is my queen so I kind of do" "Well don't she doesn't control my life I do" _And there was no way I was breaking up with Phi why would I do something as crazy as that? She was gorgeous smart and sassy and frigging amazing in bed. Plus she got under my mums skin and kept her occupied so she had little time to focus on what I was doing outside of the palace. As long as she thought I was with Phi she would never have me followed leaving me free to be with Kylie. Looking at this beautiful woman in my arms I know I should feel guilty but I didn't. Maybe I was more like Mum than I care to admit, I could only hope my dad wouldn't be ashamed or disappointed in me. Thinking about them made me realize I hadn't thought about home in three days until today since I've been gone staying at Kylie's making love to her kissing her cooking for her and riding horses with her. I wondered if there was any word on Lenny or Phi. Swallowing I had to admit I was worried it wasn't like her not to keep in touch with me. I hope she was truly okay and just being wild like Kylie suggested. "_I think it's time for me to go as awesome as today was duty calls" "Don't be gone long babe" "Will I be rewarded with these kisses if I hurry back?" "Maybe" _She smiled seductively as I blushed lowering her to the couch tickling her she squealed as I attacked her with kisses. 


	36. Chapter 36

**Eleanor p o v**

Time it's funny I've begun to learn it's not endless as it use to seem in school when your staring at the clock just praying for three o'clock. Those 40 minutes always dragged on and on now I see the reality is we can never have enough time to do all the things we dream about. We will never have enough time to say the things we feel cause the reality is none of us ever know how much time we are alloted here on earth. Right now laying in bed hooked to oxygen unable to move now time seemed endless. I was so damn bored I couldn't use my bong I couldn't drink. I was even too tired to sleep anymore it seems that's all I do anymore is sleep, I wasn't even sure what day it was. It's been two weeks since I have been home. I couldn't believe we pulled it off after I collapsed in front of Phi she rushed me to the hospital where they put me on stronger oxygen readjusted my medications than released me. I came up with the idea to talk to Grace. There was no way anyone here could know we were in NYC so I figured if we took Callie back to Ireland to meet up with her parents we could fly from Ireland to London no one would be the wiser. Callie was super stoked to see her parents and her family were ecstatic to have their daughter back. Phi and I decided to stay over night explore Ireland a little except I collapsed again. This time nothing worked at the hospital I was admitted with fluid in my lungs, legs, ankles, stomach. Mum was called and was she ever mad. This was probably the first time that it dawned on me how serious this illness was though, medication wasn't helping diet wasn't doing it I was bed ridden on round the clock oxygen 24/ 7. Every breath was harder more painful even with oxygen my breathing was slower now than it had been in the past. Boredom was even worse though I hadn't had a single visitor since I have been home. I was so worried about Liam and Phi no one seems to know where he's at. Mum confiscated my phone so I haven't been ale to call him and I know Phi is in so much trouble. Mum was so mad the first thing she did at the hospital was slap Phi across her face over and over until Security had to calm her down. She banned Phi from seeing me had her escorted out of the hospital I felt helpless and so angry. I was too weak to even speak up never mind fight Mum. Since being back home I hadn't heard a word from her. I could only pray she was safe somewhere. No one would tell me anything. I hadn't been able to get Ted in here to talk to him. The only one who came into see me was mum and usually to yell at me about how selfish, stupid, immature, reckless I was. Or worse to hover over me when she thought I was asleep. I slept a lot but still every time I woke up I felt exhausted like now the blinds were closed. I couldn't tell if it was day or night what time it was. The clock was too far away sweat dripped down off my body. I just couldn't catch my breath I normally loved my room dark and gloomy but for some reason this time it sent me into a panic attack. I felt enclosed like I was in a tomb. I started breathing heavy gasping, I fumbled for the panic button but it was too far away I was staring to get dizzy. Every movement sent pain ripping through my chest which caused me to gasp and cry out. Just as I thought I would pass out my mum came rushing inside her eyes wide her own breathing fast paced. "_Eleanor what's wrong?" _I couldn't answer but she flew over opening the blinds how did she know? Sunlight streamed through the windows so it was daytime okay great now what day was it? What time? She came over helping me to sit up adjusting my oxygen than poured me some water helping me to sit up and sip it slowly holding my mask away for a few seconds than putting it on for a minute or two before lifting it so I could drink again. I managed a few sips only before it was too much. Helping me lay down she adjusted the covers stroking my face using a wet washcloth. Her voice seemed softer less stern when she started talking to me. It was like she was reading my mind telling me everything I wanted to know. "_It's Tuesday 1:20 babe 22nd of March" _Why was she being so sweet to me? My dad he wasn't was he? He couldn't be? I shot up but her hands gently pushed me down. _"Your dad is fine sweetheart" I'll take you to see him later tonight after you rest some more" _I was sick of resting! That's all I do but even as my brain fought against it my body seemed all for another lay down. Okay so I would have to wait to see my dad but I wasn't happy I had so many questions I really needed to see Liam where the hell was he? I looked at my mum motioning to his picture she smiled stroking my head as she called him again.

Once again no answer damn it where was he? Sleep overcame me before I could nod my thanks to her. Two hours later I woke up with a full bladder mum was there instantly before I could grab the call bell she had set up helping me to sit up position me into the wheelchair to wheel me down the hall. I was so weak anymore I couldn't even sit up on the toilet anymore she had to hold me than hold me while I cleaned myself. This was beyond embarrassing. I wanted to die. She didn't make any snide remarks even complain. She just helped me silently and got me back to my room. Staying with me till I fell asleep again. It's funny how little things suddenly start to matter when you can't do them anymore. Growing up is suppose to be a time of independence spreading your wings getting away from home learning to stand on your own two feet without mum and dad's help. I wish I had known a few months ago a year ago what I know now. I would of made different choices but now I have to take a step back and instead of growing up I'm forced to grow down. Depending on Mum again for the things I had stopped depending on her years ago. It wasn't just me that this was effecting though because I swear as I closed my eyes I saw a tear fall down her face she quickly swiped at it but I saw it. Well I always prided myself on being a cold hearted bitch and I guess I lived up to it I made the war painted cold calculated queen of England cry. Where's the wine when I need it? This calls for a drink, funny though cause that's what got me into this. Yup it's funny how this life thing works. When you think your done learning it knocks you back down on your arse tells you to sit it back down cause it ain't finishing teaching you yet.


	37. Chapter 37

**Eleanor p o v**

"_Princess Eleanor what the hell are you doing out of bed?" _I was sprawled out in the elevator sweating panting and dizzy. What the hell had I been thinking sneaking out of my room to sneak to the elevator to see Phi? Love man it makes you do crazy things and stupid things. I could feel my heart pounding so hard I was on the verge of passing out when Ted's voice called out to me. Looking up all I could do was shrug how would I explain this to him? I couldn't. In a blur I saw him and another guard Jake rush towards me scooping me up helping me to the couch which I gratefully sank into. _"Princess what on earth has gotten into you?" "God damn it your mum is going to have my bloody arse on a platter!" "I'm sorry Ted I really am about all of it but I had to see you I have to know about "Raj" please don't be mad my mum I just can't let her know about this yet" "Lenny!" _I turned seeing Phi running out eyes filed with worry but before she could get out of her room another guard held her back. "_Let me go you big buffoons!" "Sorry we have our orders Ophelia" "From my father who's right here dad please I have to see her" "Ophelia stay put you can see her from where your at" _Ted brought over a blanket as he called my mum. Covering me up he took my temperature as I heard my mum screaming through the phone which he held away from his ears. I watched while he walked away grunting than I heard a yelp as Phi kicked one of the guards in his shin and took off grabbing me as she buried herself in my chest. "_Ophelia for gods sake can't you for once listen to what I say?" _The guards took a few steps towards her but Ted signaled for them to stop. "_She's already out from under your grasps so let her stay if it keeps her frigging quite" _He grunted as he turned his back on us Phi took that moment to kiss my lips passion filled, deep. Savoring her kiss I let myself be carried away by her intoxication. My breath seemed to stop as I felt my whole body relax. Was this really happening was she defining her dad to be with me? Was she really with me? Kissing me so tenderly I could cry no one has ever held me with such love. Yet I felt horrible for Liam he's my brother my twin I should be honoring him not betraying him. Ted came back causing her to jump off of me but she took my hand holding it. I could tell he was still getting chewed out making me feel worse he was a good man who loved his daughter who devoted his life to this family. Even sacrificing his marriage and his wife's life. Something I know still haunts him but he's a true badass and he didn't deserve this. It's one thing I can chalk up on my list of transgressions. _"Phi you've had enough time you've seen her now get back to your room and don't pull that crap again" "That's not fair I've barely gotten to say hello" "not my problem next time don't be so damn reckless with England's Princess" "Dad your not being..." "Enough get to your room or the next stop will be the military" _She screamed out but got up storming into her room, my heart broke for her I hated seeing her unhappy fighting with her dad. Ted took my hands which were shaking I saw him watching my fingernails which were a dark blue as well as my lips a sure sign I didn't have enough oxygen. His eyes filled with worry as I laid my head back suddenly feeling exhausted. "_Princess I understand your anxious to find out who this mysterious benefactor is but you can't take chances with your health this is serious business Princess" _He pulled me close to him holding me against his chest the way my dad always did when I was a kid and I was sick. "_I wish I could give you better answers I researched in every possible way with all my contacts and sources all I can tell you is that it is legit their a real organization, they do hand out checks here I'll show you some tweets with the hashtag. _He pulled up his ipad and held it for me to see._ LilyPad32 _#Fisi_ Thanks to #Raj I can now take my dream vacation to Disney World my whole family is going mamma papa sissy my cousins I haven't seen since I was four my aunties and uncles I am so happy!" Cancerwarrior4eva1 #Fisi Dreams are just visions our minds see for our future thanks to this money my dream is now my present Ireland here I come!" LocalBoyFight TY #Fisi because of your generous gift I took my whole family skiing in aspen #besttimeever" CaptainLuca "Dream day complete thanks to #Fisi I got to fly with delta_airway just like a real pilot" _With many of these tweets there were pictures this one had a smiling eight year old boy missing a tooth holding up a certificate standing with two Delta crew members.

_ Notyourchickbitch "I'm not old enough to even play the lotto but thanks to #Fisi I won the jackpot!" _So this was true but who was this chick? Why did she go handing out checks to kids she never met? Seems pretty crazy How did she know Robert? It sounded like they were close were they in the military together? Did she know how he died? Were they intimate? Ted was watching me as I laid my head down in his arms. I felt him stroking my hair luring me into a sleep. _"I know it hurts Princess but sometimes life is full of mystery and were not always meant to find out the answers if Raj wanted her or his identity revealed they wouldn't be so secretive" "However maybe they make some good points if you feel that some changes need to be made than make them you have time your alive" "Princess I know your an amazing young woman capable of incredible things in life use your brains and talent to do good and you'll find happiness and love and success" _He lowered me to the couch and pillows rubbing my shoulder. _"Your mum asked me to keep you here till she gets back to the palace rest Princess" _I nodded hating to be told what to do but sleep was already overcoming me. 


	38. Chapter 38

**Eleanor**

Ted finally let Phi come back out for a few minutes as quick as lighting she was crawling on the couch with me wrapping her arms around me. His eyes were on us constantly so we couldn't even try to kiss but being in her arms was magical just the same. We watched a movie about two best friends who fall in love but one is diagnosed with leukemia. Phi was crying as the dying girl said some cheesy line I felt her squeeze my waits so much harder as her tears hit my chest. "_This is so unfair Lenny this shouldn't be happening to you" "Yea well sometimes life just sucks Phi but I'm sure a heart transplant will be available soon I've only been sick for a few months" "That's too long Lenny way too long" "Not when you compare it to people who have been sick for years" _Phi's eyes overflowed I hated seeing her cry. Gently I wiped her face I know Ted's eyes were on us the whole time so I treaded very carefully. _"I'll be okay don't cry babe" "__You have to Len We have so much to explore so many dreams left untouched I know I love you Lenny but I don't know how you really feel about me? Is this a fling? Or the real thing?" _That was so easy I was madly head over heals in love with her but her dad was still watching us so I couldn't kiss her. So instead I sang to her softly slowly it was as fast as I could go. "_I knew from the moment I first laid eyes on you that you would be my one my true forever love; I can't breathe without you by my side when I am without you my heart is just not the same I'm thinking about you I miss you like a puppy misses their mum but girl this ain't no puppy love" _Phi's tears turned to a full smile as she cuddled her head next to mine. So we both knew how we felt towards each other but I still felt crappy Liam is still my brother what kind of awful sister was I? I kissed his girlfriend I slept with her and I was seeing her behind his back. He hated betrayal he is so hurt by everything that has happened in this family. He was a straight up mess what would this do to him? I would rather die that hurt him. My heart was pounding so hard I felt short of breath sick to my stomach. Guilt will kill you faster than Cardiomyopathy. How was this fair to him? To her she had to play both sides, I know she didn't want to hurt Liam either. Even if I passed the psychological suitability not everyone is capable of handling a new organ so they screen every candidate on the waiting list. In the UK alone more than 10,000 people are waiting transplants. Last year 4,656 were saved 1 out of 3 people waiting pass away before an organ could be found. It's scary living on an invisible death row. I know what needs to happen my doctors are waiting to preform their god like skills. Normal routine for them all they need is a donor that's the part that scares me. For me to live someone around my age, height and weight has to die. Someone young filed with dreams hope love and potential. Someone who could change the world not someone like me who has done nothing to take advantage of all the privileges she's been blessed with. I maybe the princess but I'm starting to see I'm no one special. So why should I be given an organ before anyone else? There was so many good honest hard working people out here who did so much to contribute to society. What would saving my life do to help me or anyone else? I know my mum was demanding I be moved up to the head of the list she threatened everyone's jobs, lives, families it got her no where. They told her need was the most critical and at the time I was on medication doing well. Now I was bedridden even though I refused to stay laying down. I was moved up the list but I still wasn't at the top. It was tricky to be moved up on the list you had to be sick enough that you would die without a transplant to even make it on the list. The list is divided into several different Statuses. **S******tatus****** 1 A. **These patients are at the top of the waiting list. They usually include patients in the intensive care unit, on life support and/or high-dose intravenous (IV)medications to support their heart function. Or, they have had a ventricular assist device (VAD) or extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO) to support their heart function. **Status****1 B **These patients have end-stage heart failure and are at home on a ventricular assist device (VAD) or continuous IV heart medications (inotrope medication) that makes the heart beat stronger. **Status 2** These patients do not meet the criteria for** Status 1 A or 1 B.** Most often, these patients are waiting at home for a donor heart and are taking oral heart failure medication.

****Status 7******.** These patients are temporarily inactive on the heart transplant waiting list.

This might include patients who develop an infection and cannot undergo transplant surgery until the infection has cleared, have left the area and cannot return within two hours, insurance has changed and need a new authorization or loss of insurance coverage. Currently I was Status 2 but if there was any new type of emergency I could be moved up to Status 1 B because of the device inside of me. There were other issues though my rare blood type which could be a plus and move me up quicker or make me ineligible if a heart became available but had a type that didn't cross match. How did I even stand a chance? I don't know if I can deal with the fact that someone else has to die for me to live. Phi's hands ran up and down my arms was I selfish thinking about myself? She was risking so much and she honestly loved me so much she was willing to go against my mum to stand by me. So shouldn't I start to fight more if not for me than for her? How though? 


	39. Chapter 39

**Liam p o v**

Watching Lenny as we waited for her appointment to start was heart wrenching to me. She could barely stay awake thanks to these stupid drugs she was so exhausted they had on a strong cocktail of drugs which were causing fatigue, diarrhea, Stomach cramping, vomiting, some nights she had trouble sleeping, some nights she slept so long we were scared she wouldn't wake up. Why was she having to go through this? I know she messed up did some things she shouldn't of but under it all she is an amazing person. Maybe this therapist could answer me this question. Sighing I stretched out I can't believe I'm here. I hate talking to people about my feelings. Yet I would do anything for my sister and this was a required part of being approved for a transplant. Lenny has been having weekly sessions for a few months now Mum has been meeting with her for about the same time they both have private sessions than a duo session. They've been trying to get me to come for weeks but I hate talking. I wouldn't be here if this doctor didn't put it as a requirement. With Len being as weak as she has been for the past few weeks we've been having sessions at home but Dr. Tia was worried that she was becoming too depressed. So here we were Len strapped into her wheelchair so she wouldn't hunch over she was so weak now she couldn't sit up for long periods of time. Her oxygen attached to the back of her chair, Mum was stroking her arm as Len dozed on and off. I saw how annoyed Mum was getting she hates waiting for anything and there was about a dozen people waiting to be seen. Sitting next to me was a young man I would say around maybe 17, 19 listening to his ipod flipping through Rugby weekly. He didn't look sick his color was awesome he seemed to have energy no signs of being ill, than again sometimes you can't tell how a person is feeling on the inside. Across from me was an elderly lady with yellowish skin tone who must need a liver transplant. There were a mixture of people young and old some with families or friends some alone. Some looked really sick some slightly some showed no signs. Going over I wiped Lenny's mouth and wrapped a blanket around her, mum was half asleep sitting in the uncomfortable chair. I know she doesn't sleep much anymore she is by Lenny's side day and night. In the corner sat a little girl on the floor playing with a Barbie doll nosily along with who I assumed must be her brothers three boys one looked about 9 one maybe 5 and the other three or so. Her eyes were bright as she clapped happily while her mum talked to her in Gaelic the middle boy rammed trucks together making explosion noises as his mum tried to calm him down. A baby slept in her arms which she rocked ever so gently. "_Prince Liam!" _Suddenly the little girl ran over crying out as she spotted me. I shock my head oh yea I was the prince I was getting use to not having a tittle anymore uncle Cyrus made me aware of it every time he saw me. I was no longer the prince. In this girls eyes though I was still her prince. How did you explain to her that a fairytale was not a fairytale. She curtsied to me. Than she threw her arms around me I watched as mum woke up while I lifted the girl up she squealed her mum smiled as I tickled the girl who's face flushed as she laughed and laughed and laughed. Placing her down closer to my mum her eyes lite up as she called out "_Princess Eleanor Queen Helena!" "Oh my god I love you!" _Before I could stop her she was climbing in Lenny's lap I saw Len wake up slowly her eyes groggy as she looked around. Her mum jumped up apologizing as she tried to rush over but Mum smiled waving her away saying we were fine. She helped the little girl sit in Lenny's lap calmly talking softly to the child. Lenny wrapped her arms around the girl who buried her head in Lenny's bosom crying out "_Told ya m__a__w-ma if you just believe if you pray hard enough than god will see to it that all our dreams come true" "I prayed I would find my real life angel and see here she is he sent me a real princess" "__Yes baby I see that we will have to thank god in your prayers tonight I am so sorry my queen about my little fireball here she's a handful on a bad day on a good day whew" "No apologize needed ma'am I know what it's like raising three kids so close in age_ _she's adorable reminds me of when these two were little treasure these times hey go by before you know it you blink and their teenagers cursing you out" _I gave mum a look which I'm sure she saw it but chose to ignore the lady laughednodding

"_Oh yes I know I have twin thirteen year olds boy and a girl" "__I__ can only hope my lil peanut lives long enough to get to be a teen, I will relish any cursing but she's so easy going for her to get up at 4 am and deal with helping me get her brothers, sisters ready just so we can make the bus to London from Jaywick" _I think I visited Jaywick before it's a war of lendering district county in northeastern Essex. It's one of the poorest in England. Yet none of them dressed poorly she had a pants suit on with a purple blouse her long brown hair was tied back into a French braid her makeup was done modest yet elegantly. The kids had on jeans and slacks and polo's this little lady was wearing a flowery sundress and a cute headband."_Plus we wait here for hours before being seen before making the almost two hour trip home she loves being social but I know this must exhaust her out yet she's so upbeat and playful she never complains even though I know she must hurt physically as well emotionally" _I watched my mum put an arm on her wrist as Lenny tickled the girl talking to her about rainbows leprechauns and cupcakes. It's insane for a little girl to endure all that I wondered how long she has been enduring it but didn't want to ask. "_I guess it's because she knows no other way sometimes I think it's a curse for her to never know what it's like to breathe without having to think about it and sometimes I think well she doesn't know what it was like to have it ripped away after having been able to do it on her own so she's adjusted because she knew no other way" "I really don't know I mean she sees her brothers and sisters not having any issues they don't require oxygen or appointments every week they can go to school she can't she watches them run around the fields and streets for hours never tiring she can't even make it to the end of the block without her heart going crazy" "No matter what age it happens at or how it happens they adjust kids are resilient it's the parents that have to learn a whole new way of life" "Eleanor no!" _Mum freaked when Lenny went to lift the girl in an airplane mode I saw Lenny roll her eyes amazed she suddenly had a burst of raw energy. Mum's face was flushed as both ladies dove for the girl but Lenny just lifted her up spun her around as she squealed and laughed arms flapping. "_I'm an angel I'm flying yay! Watch me god watch me fly!" _Than Lenny lowered her gently tickling her as both woman almost had heart attacks uh parents they needed to learn to chill was right. "_Princess Eleanor?" Were ready for you" _I saw Lenny say something to the nurse who nodded the next thing I heard was "_Brigit Spears please follow me were ready for you" _The young lady and her mum looked up in chock tears of gratitude slide past the mum's eyes as she leaned down and kissed Lenny's head saying thank you. Lenny just smiled and nodded. Mum seemed almost proud of her as she helped her to get comfortable. 


	40. Chapter 40

**Eleanor**

"_Eleanor how would you describe your family relationship?" _ Was she kidding me? She was right? I mean she had to be I wasn't really suppose to answer this was I? Mum was looking at both Liam and I than looking to Dr. Tia Wills perhaps afraid of what I would say. Dr. Wills was writing down everything we said every reaction we had. All of it would be used to judge if I was a good enough candidate to receive a transplant. I was suppose to be truthful but how could I be? If I told the truth Mum would know I didn't trust anyone at the palace and she would know I was in love with Phi. If I lied Dr. Wills would know wouldn't she? She was a professional if she knew I was lying I would fail the evolution. I couldn't fail failing meant well there was no real choice I had to be honest. "_Eleanor I am sure I don't need to remind you what is at stakes here do I?" "__No Dr. Wills I remember with every breath I can't take" "Well I see your humor is still intact that's a good sign" "Queen Helena why don't you step outside for a bit and allow me to talk to the twins alone" "I don't think so Dr. Wills I don't feel comfortable leaving my daughter she's far too weak" "Queen I beg your pardon but I am excellent at my job and my job is too get your daughter cleared for a place on the transplant list the only way to do that is to be honest to get her feelings out there are a lot of people waiting for transplants and we have a big job trying to decide who gets a transplant and who doesn't being that Princess Eleanor's __illness is related to her drinking and drug use one of the conditions is that she is off drugs, alcohol for six months, she needs to be emotionally stable to handle having a new organ. What we need to get to the bottom of is what is driving Eleanor to be so depressed and on edge that she feels burying her pain and anger with these substances is the only answer if we can get her to talk we can help her heal which will help her stay sober." "Teenagers young adults don't always feel comfortable talking in front of parents, I know you love Eleanor I can tell even if you haven't said it out loud I can tell so let me help your daughter" _ I was confused was this the same woman who called me a bitch who told me I was worthless I was nothing and always would be? She was fussing over me fixing my hair my oxygen mask placing the blanket around my body which was getting thinner and thinner every passing day. Was this the woman who put my dad in a coma? Who conspired to have Robert killed? She looked at us both sighing before she got up kissed my forehead nodded at Liam and walked out. "_Eleanor she's gone now so you can feel free to talk whatever you two say in here stays in here patient confidentially" "Liam do you have anything to say?" "Our family's fucked up doctor and I don't think there's anyway to come back from it, I think there's too much damage" "Eleanor what do you think about what Liam said?" _I lowered the mask coughing but replied. "_I think he's right fame has sucked our family straight into a dark hole the money the power it's overshadowed what the monarchy is all about it's taken a hold of our mother__fame can take you so high but with fame comes a price there comes a time where you have to ask yourself are you famous for something good or something bad?" "Where's the line?" "I don't think my mum can even see where the line is now she's crossed it so long ago She's the one who gave birth to me the one who I should be able to trust the one I need the most right now is the one person I can't trust she's lied to me she's deceived me" "How does that make you feel though?" "Scared confused angry I've always felt this way since I was a kid like no matter what I did I was never good enough never pretty enough or strong enough" "__That's why I did the drugs I was sick of feeling I just wanted to be numb there was no one to talk to no one who understood except one person and she turned out to be bad for me she introduced me to these pills, this excessive drinking than she left and I just felt empty worthless like no one cared for me" "Liam how does that make you feel hearing your sister say no one cared for her" "Like a failure it's my job to protect her and I didn't do it" _I slipped the mask back on feeling lightheaded sinking into the couch I saw the hurt in his eyes and felt guilty maybe I said too much but than he took my hand and squeezed it. Taking deep breaths it took a few minutes to get my energy back. Liam fluffed my pillows placing some under my legs so I was sitting up properly. Dr. Wills took my pulse and placed her stethoscope against my chest. My breathing was rough raspy but I felt pretty good getting this stuff out.

"_You said you met someone who was bad for you sometimes you can take them and make yourself stronger, have you met anyone who encourages you to be a better person who makes you feel high without getting high?" _I looked at Liam how could I tell the truth on this one? It would destroy him yet if I didn't it would ruin my chances of getting on the list. "_Lenny I would anything to make you happy if there was anyone who could love you for who you are please tell me I would give my last breath to bring them to you" "There is someone who makes me feel like it's okay to be myself he gets me he listens to me supports me I don't even think about drugs or drinking when were together" "She sounds pretty awesome to me what about you Liam?" "Yes who is she" "How do you know it's a she I said he?" "Because were twins Len and I know you the way your smiling the way your eyes are shining they never did that with a guy only with a girl" "Okay you got me he is a she but I feel guilty" "Guilt can be good it allows you to understand that something is wrong and it can allow you the chance to fix the wrong but at the same time guilt can lead to stress and that's not good for the heart" "__I know" _ Tears welled up Liam scooted closer to me and put his arms around me. _"I hate seeing you this upset sis just tell me what it is and I'll fix it" "You can't Liam it's my mess" "Your my sister Len whatever it is were in this together I was the only one you trusted with your secret and I kept it didn't I?" "Yes you did that's why this feels so crappy" "Why? What does me being a good brother have to do with making you feel crappy?" "Cause I'm a horrible sister you' ll never forgive me if you knew the betrayal" "Len there's nothing that you can do that would ever make me leave your side" _I took a deep breath and looked him in his eyes sucking in oxygen again he ran his hand over my sweaty face. His eyes filled with tears as he kissed my hand I could see the pain etched in his face. "_Len we've always been close we shared our mum's fifthly overused womb we survived her up bringing now were almost adults and I need to know you'll be by my side as we get older I want my kids to know their epic cool auntie so we need to work together so you can get better talk to me I promise I will be by you" "Don't make promises you can't keep Liam" "I don't I am a man of my word or at least I am trying to be just like our dad so please be honest with me" "I'm in love with a girl alright Liam, I'm in love with Phi we've been seeing each other behind your back I am so sorry I never wanted to hurt you I just I ..._Without warning Liam wrapped his arms around me and held me so tightly I lost it and started bawling. So he accepted me he was okay with me being with his girlfriend? I mean did anyone ever have someone who loved them so deeply so purely? I didn't deserve it. Did I?


	41. Chapter 41

**Eleanor**

"_Mum I'm gay" _I felt like I was being locked into a panic room walls enclosing around me with the enemy fast approaching. I could hear them banging trying to get inside but I was fighting them. Three weeks had passed three sessions later Liam and I had hammered out so many details we had worked up how to tell Mum but did I really have the courage to do it? I guess I did but what would she say? I felt like I was going to pass out I was so stressed so light headed. She would hate me wouldn't she? I was prepared for her to walk out her eyes flickered to Liam than to Phi she had to be wondering why Phi was here. She sat clutching my hands which were cupped together mum did exactly what I feared she said nothing just got up. So it was true she hated me she would never accept me being who I am. My body was shaking as I closed my eyes feeling Phi and Liam wrap their arms around me. How could my own mother hate me so much just because I liked girls? My heart felt like it was breaking I couldn't help who I loved who my heart chose to beat for how could she hate me. What would happen to me? Where would I live would she kick me out? I sunk into the arms surrounding me as my tears wouldn't stop I always knew she would never accept me but there was always some hope in the back of my mind that maybe she would love me enough to get over her own feelings. Now that was shut down I coughed feeling tight chested hands rubbed my back as I tried to calm myself down sniffing as I smelled the familiar scent of chanel slowly I looked up seeing my mum's beautiful face her arms wrapped around me tears streaming down her face. "_Eleanor your my daughter and I love you our family's always been unique what's one more thing to set us apart?" "Your unique you are who you are and you don't care what anyone thinks about you?" "It's what makes me comforted knowing I have done my job I've raised a strong beautiful independent daughter" "If being with Phi makes you happy than you have my blessing but you. _She looked at Phi staring her straight in her eyes I saw Phi sit up straighter staring Mum straight into her eyes. _"Better never hurt my daughter she has already been through hell she needs love support and acceptance" "That's all I have ever wanted queen is to make Eleanor feel like the princess she was born to be" _Mum handed me a drink and whipped the tears from my eyes rubbing my back. "_Eleanor you are doing so well I am so proud of you your this close to getting on the transplant list it's what we all want right?" _I didn't answer _"Princess Eleanor what's stopping you from saying yes?" "Because for me to live someone else has to die" "I know that it feels wrong Eleanor but it's the last gift someone can leave behind after their gone it's what Robert wanted done so it was what your father and I had done" "Robert was a donor?" "Yes so are your father and I" _I never knew that so a part of my brother lived on in someone else. I wondered who got his organs where were they how were they? Mum helped me sit up as she kissed my head. _"It wasn't an easy choice to donate my son's organs to know he would be cut up" _I held onto her as she rubbed my hair which was so frizzy how long had it been since I washed it? The days all seemed to blur together I couldn't remember kind of gross. Mum didn't even say anything which was funny she was all about image. _"The reality hit me hard it's still hitting me my son my first born is gone I can never understand why Robert I can never accept it" _She seemed so genuine in her shock her anger and her sadness maybe she couldn't have had made those orders for him to die. Maybe to her it was a suicide. She looked broken lost confused she looked older. "_Losing a child it's a pain no mum should ever have to endure but his greatest wish was to help people his heart was always so generous so full of love and the need to help, I knew Robert was gone he wasn't breathing he had no brain activity, he had no need for his organs anymore but somewhere out there someone perhaps another child was in need of them and I couldn't allow another mum to feel this devastation this anguish Roberts death is a terrible loss __but from his loss can spark new beautiful life" "This is what Robert stood for baby girl he was the boy who walk across the hot pavement in the scorching sun to help someone he never met he would give his last breath to help, but part of it for me is knowing my son is never gone" "Do we know who got his organs Mum?" "No baby and we probably never will and that's okay" "We never put it to press we wanted it done in secrecy" _

For the first time I had no comeback she had done something that could of shed some positive light on the monarchy and yet chose to keep it as a secret. Never thought I would see the day when I saw my Mum as just a mum who was truly heartbroken and not as the queen.


	42. Chapter 42

**Eleanor**

"_Being famous is a full time job you can't your face off when you leave the job because at the end of the day it's your face that is your job." "Your job is to be rich, seductive to make that image rivet off the pages of the magazine." "What people don't see is that fame is evanescent were not famous for our talents or hard work at least not at first were famous for our family name, our legacy our heritage and history." "It's a tall order to live up to, the truth is we can never live up to it because to try is automatic failure: It will kill us, unless we can make their history and plans for us and twist them into our own desire and passions._

I reread the letter again as I sat in the limo with Liam and Phi waiting for our mum what did Raj mean by making our own history? How was I suppose to change a goddamn thing? I was stuck in this wheelchair held prisoner by this illness. I couldn't even breathe on my own how was I suppose to change the world?

"_Eleanor you and I have been giving a unique position even if we didn't have a choice or even want to be put in this position we are now we have a choice use our money and power to influence young people in two ways." "We can show them how to self destruct by filling our bodies, minds, souls with poisons like drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex and self harm." "Or we can show them that we can be sexy strong independent and smart we can make choices that help not only our selves but serve humanity well." _

Mum swept inside the limo waving to the public how did they know we were here? Why were there so many people out today? Usually it was pretty calm in this section of the town laying my head back I put away the letter and sucked on my oxygen as Mum rubbed my leg closing the door Rachael and Lucius were with us today why was beyond me. Thankfully they didn't come into therapy but waited in the waiting room. _"Darling we got amazing news" _Mum was smiling from ear to ear what could make her so happy? Liam and Phi sat up "_Mum what is it?" "Calm down Liam begging is not becoming of a young man just because you lay down with dogs does not mean you have to be one" _Liam's face went red as he bawled his fist I saw Phi's face scrunch up her face flushing as red as his. My own temper rose why did she always have to insult Phi? "_I am not a dog and I will not listen to you insult me you of all people who treat her kids like pets that can be trained to do whatever you say" "Excuse me I am the goddamn queen of England if your going to be rude enough not to curtsy to me you will at least show me some respect you ungrateful little slut" "Sleeping with my son using him just to get to my daughter and waiting till she's too sick to know the difference between.. _I cut her off grabbing her arm as Rachael smirked arching her eyebrow. _"Mum stop please Phi didn't take advantage of me not at all so please just stop fighting I really can't take it" _I started a coughing fit gasping for air. All three panicked rushing to my aid as one rubbed my back one pushed my hair back and one adjusted my oxygen. I almost felt bad for faking it but damn their fighting was unreal. Once it passed I laid my head back seeing Mum exchange a nasty look with Phi and disgust with Liam. Finally the limo started moving in a different direction than normal. "_Why is it so damn crowded here today?" "__Don't you pay attention to the news Commoner it's the London Marathon today" _Phi sucked in her comment directed back at Lucius turning her eyes towards me I offered a weak smile proud of the fact she didn't say something sarcastic back it would of just set Mum off more. Slowly we crawled through the busy traffic. The streets and the sidewalks were just as busy people taking pictures posing for selfies biking rushing on their own feet to and from work, interviews, school, lunch to watch the race. Sighing I watched as the streets turned from very touristy views to more urban settings graffiti lined the walls people were sitting on stoops playing in the streets, glass bottles were broken laying on the streets on the sidewalks buildings were breaking apart some completely destroyed yet still inhabited.

One bridge was so old it was not safe to even walk over yet it was still in use it's black and white paint chipping away. What did all this graffiti mean? I knew there were a lot of gang symbols but some just looked like art work did these kids have no outlet at home or in school to express their creativity? I remember having so many amazing art classes in school was I just privileged? Didn't every school have these advantages? Wire fences broken wooden fences lined the streets each corner had people a lot of them kids curled up sleeping in them with just the little clothes they had on their backs the smells of the murky water on our right side made me sick as it rose from the warming sun all around me were so many sights and sounds that I had never really taken noticed of before. Street vender's yelling at kids to stay away calling them thieves and vagabonds. People holding up signs with all different sayings, will work for food, homeless only ten please help, Iraq veteran homeless need food, kilburn unemployed global billionaire gobble up London's housing, no eviction, gay and proud parents kicked me out. Sirens rang out as police tried to get through I saw whole families sleeping on benches in allies which brought tears to my eyes. Groups of teens and young kids huddled together how could their parents just kick them out? How could whole families lose their homes? _"Darling are you okay?" _Mum's question startled me but I didn't answer how could I? Was I really okay? I mean I couldn't breathe I felt sick and tired yet I had a home even though I still wasn't sure if I was safe there did that make me not okay? Her eyes seemed to follow mine as she wrapped an arm around me pulling me close. _"__H__ow could their parents just __abandon __them I mean I just don't understand it" "__I don't either darling how anyone could give up on their child no matter what they put them through, oh dear Eleanor is this what you were afraid of?" "Is this why you were afraid to tell me your gay?" _Rachael choked on her latte good bitch I hope you burned your throat my mum shot her a shut up or get beheaded look and she got the message instantly saying not a word. He gave me a nasty look which earned him a kick from Liam who covered his mouth. "_Oops sorry there mate just stretching" _I nodded at my mum who was speechless pulling me into a hug. "_Baby girl you will always be my daughter who you love doesn't change that it doesn't change who you are inside" _I closed my eyes as she rubbed my back as we were stopped at a traffic jam I saw people lined up at the housing project there had to be at least a five hour wait children were playing jumping form pole to pole some using chalk on the sidewalk. _"Darling I get that it's sad to see these young kids without anywhere to go but it's not our problem" "No mum that's where your wrong it is our problem we are the royal family we have the power to help we should be doing more to help our people" "Who cares about them they don't matter princess their kids, the adults are the ones who matter" "No Lucius your wrong as usual the kids will be our future and if we don't help them now to get clean clothes, warm bedding decent education what kind of future are we setting them up for what kind of hope are we giving them?" "This is the time in their lives that matter the most and were failing them that's what they will remember in ten or fifteen years from now when they are old enough to vote on a referendum" "Eleanor is right Lucius and for once she's thinking beyond herself so what can we do to help them darling?" "A fund-raiser I think we could all use a good party couldn't we?" "No mum we need to do more than party Rachael can you do me a favor and look __up local homeless shelters for lgbt youth?" _She looked at my mum who gave her a nod "_Well do as your princess says Rachael" "Yes your majesty" _Seriously bitch you couldn't even listen to me? Laying my head down on her shoulder I felt tired but I wasn't about to let her know this or she would panic and make us a go home. Within a few minutes Rachael listed off three shelters. "_Mum can we visit them?" "Sure baby when would you like to go?" "Like now" "Darling you know we prearrange visits for many reasons" _I gave her a pleading look making sad puppy eyes towards my oxygen making a show of sucking it in sighing my mum turned to Phi. "_Call your bloody father I'm sure Ted will be beyond thrilled to have a security detail sent out just remind him he is still on my radar and will respond accordingly" "Yes your highness" _Phi spat the words out earing her a look from my mum sighing I prayed they wouldn't fight.

"_Oh and the public doesn't need to know about this little in desecration between the three of you as far as the world knows Liam your happy with this little hussy so present yourself as the proper girlfriend to the Prince will you Phi?" "Eleanor for god-sakes try to look alive" "Mum what the bloody hell" _she grabbed my face taking out her makeup I tried to squirm out of her grasp but damn she's strong. Soon she had me caked in that shit and my hair crimped pulled up into a high ponytail. I had to admit it felt pretty good though. Looking at her I could see Mum was gone now and the queen was back in business. This outta to be fun. 

While we waited Mum insisted we have lunch at a little cafe for once I had a bit of an appetite "_tonight darlings we celebrate" "Why mum?" "I'm glad you asked son bringing me back to the good news I was trying to talk to you all earlier about why I was late getting to the car Dr. Wills has declared Eleanor fit to be put on the transplant list"_Liam clapped Phi squealed squeezing my hand careful to display too many emotions in public there were always people around. Mum was smiling I get this was good news in a way yet in another I was struck by the fact everyone was cheering that I was sick enough to be put on a transplant list. Rachael clapped politely but I could see it in her eyes the hate the contempt for me. Lucius over did it grabbing my mum's hands. "_Oh that is wonderful news my queen I am so happy for the princess" "Yes in deed we must celebrate" _Oh please. Finally the extra detail arrived and we were on our way. Rachael had called to set up a visit to each and when we arrived at the first stop they were there to greet us. Of course it took time to get my wheelchair set up to transfer me from the limo to the chair Liam helped me carrying me from the car to the chair which was embarrassing as all hell. Mum set up the oxygen as the two people from the shelter stood waiting patiently looking speechless. Was it because I was royalty or because I was sick? I didn't know either way I hated their stares and looks of pity. When we were ready one lady came forward she must be in her forties or early fifties the years had not been good to her yet she was smiling. "_Prince Liam Princess Eleanor your majesty __I am Ellen__" _She curtsied towards us as she lead us around, "_Welcome to __Stonewell housing we are a 40 bed unit that is dedicated to helping lgbt youth across London find safe secure housing" "So what happens when a youth comes in here?' "How do they know about this place?" "Many ways usually through arrests or word on the streets sometimes schools when they get here?" "Well once they get here we provide them with counseling and we talk with them to see what their story is some have homes they can go back to that maybe they left because of a disagreement with a family member or fears of what may happen if they told their parents that they were gay or bisexual or trans -gender. If we can reunite a child and parent that is our main goal but sometimes it just can't happen maybe their was abuse or abandonment in that case we work with them helping them to get jobs if their old enough, finish school if their between ages 16 and 25 we work with them to find them housing if their under 16 we get them into a foster care system" "Is there an age limit?" "Well we generally don't take in kids under ten or over 25" _My mum and I were both in shock so they just left them on the streets if they were under ten. She lead us into one of the rooms which were lined with beds four rows of twenty beds with pink blankets this must be where the girls slept the room was pretty trashed bugs crawling food on the floor. The next room was where the boys slept the beds were so close there was no space between them. The next room was a dinning room which was filled with kids only seven tables were there all were packed. It was dismal at best the kids looked miserable. "_Can I talk to some of the kids?" "I don't know if that would be for the best Princess most are shy and private" "Can she at least ask? They can choose to do so or not we won't force them"_ The woman looked nervous mum asked the next question that I was starting to wonder myself. "_Is there something your hiding ma'am?" Cause I see no harm in my daughter talking to a youth as you can see she is clearly in no medical condition to be of any harm" _Quickly the woman changed her mind calling over two young people one boy around 14 and a girl close in age both looked skeptical of all of this but came over grudgingly. Leading us to a balcony where he took a seat on some cracked old moldy steps next to Phi Liam sat on the ground his bum resting on his heals as his toes provided the support. Mum stood by me the young boy wearing a dark grey hoodie jeans that were ripped and dirty stared at me as his lite up a fag damn the smell made me reminisce but I didn't miss it. Coughing I tried not to make a big deal of the fact he just lite up in front of me but Mum leaped up and snatched the thing out of his hand, "_With all due respect young man my daughter is on oxygen that shit could kill us all" "Sorry queen I didn't think" "So what is this some kid of political shit befriend a poor homeless kid and get sympathy from the people to reelect you?" "No son first of were Royalty born into this life not elected" _ Great mum make us sound snobby Liam and I exchanged a look as he rose to shake the hands of both kids. "_Liam Henstridge nice to meet you thank you for taking the time to talk to us" "You are?" _

"_Eliot Birdsong I'm 13"_ "_Ty'Eisha Demons 15" "Thank you Elliot Ty'Eisha were here today because my sister cares she wants to make a difference but we can't do that without knowing what we need to change" "Well first off I think all of you people need to come down from your palace gates your high horses and see what our lives are really like walk in our shoes feel our pain fear frustrations" "thank you Ty'Eisha Elliot what do you think?" "Well first off I still think this is whack but sure I'll humor you I think you need to listen to us sit down and really hear what were saying this generation my generation your future leaders are being thrown out by the thousands why because were simply tired of living our lives as a lie were sick of having to hide who we are to make you comfortable" "__What do you mean hide who you are?" "Easy lady I mean queen sorry" _He didn't sound sorry as he sneered at her glaring which made me kind of mad I mean she was the queen of england she deserved some respect only Liam and I could sneer at her. I mean she's our mum that's what were suppose to do. Mum looked genuinely shocked and hurt. "_I mean that were proud of who we are so what so I love boys that makes me a bad person that fact alone means I don't deserve good food, a warm bed parents who love me an education I can be proud of?" "Well I guess it does cause here I am here we all are and yet you sit up your throne in your fancy palace and do nothing" "While we lay in the streets afraid for our safety" _Ty'Eisha held her hand up "_Son shut your mouth these people ain't got time for your smart ass lets them hear the damn facts did you know that there are currently 69,460 homeless children here in England alone 24 percent of them of lgbt youth who have been thrown out of our homes left to die on the streets, do you know what happens to youth left to fend for themselves?" _Phi and I exchanged a look but shock our heads. "_Well let me tell you they get caught up by pimps, drug dealers, gangs, predators, were forced to have sex, steal, were abused we have to hurt people just so we can stop hurting" "We go without food clean clothes, education sleep" "We don't even have a pot to pee in" "Did you know that h__omeless LGBT youth are also much more likely than their heterosexual counterparts to participate in substance abuse and fall prey to sexual exploitation on the streets." "__Bet you never cared enough to do the research but if you did you would find 69 per cent of homeless LGBT youth were forced out of their homes by their families. 69 per cent also said that mental, emotional or sexual abuse from a family member played a part in their homelessness, while another 62 per cent said that they had experienced aggression or physical violence at home."__ "__Yet the funding for us keeps dropping it's down eleven percent from two years ago" "How is that even possible?" "I mean gay marriage is now legal there's so much being done in LGBT rights" "Yea Princess for the adults not for us no one cares when your too little to vote drive or make a difference" _

I was left down founded we visited two more shelters and a few hostels finding the same type of environments dirty broken never enough beds staff volunteers one was so bad the kids were fighting with each other. Police were there so often they dubbed it the "juvie shelter" I felt sick to my stomach watching as they pulled a transgender teen girl from the floor where she lay broken and bloody from her attackers three teen boys who tried to kill her. Mum didn't let us stay there long but after we we got to the headquarters for the youth housing projects. She demanded we have a meeting with the head of housing.

The staff scurried to provide us with this my energy was seeping fast but I kept repeating in my head a phrase from the letter. "_Because You as busy as you are took the time out of your day just to make me smile." "Emily inspired me to start thinking outside my normal go beyond my comfort zone and focus on someone else beside me." _I tried to listen as mum was talking to the lady who introduced herself as Antonia DePaula she had a strong Italian/ British accent she seemed sweet but nervous she looked relatively young but she greeted Liam mum and I professionally asking us if we needed anything. Liam took a water and mum a tea but I declined. Mum asked her why the shelters were in such disgrace which Antonia gave the standard answer not enough staff money time. I could see mum's face was not happy by her answer. Antonia told us that they turned over 20 kids away each night from each shelter for lack of space. Which killed me inside thinking of all these kids left out on their own. "_Let me tell you about Jai come in here darling" _A young man about 18 or so came in he had a sweet smile his checks were full of color and his eyes seemed to smile as he took my hand and mum's hand kissing them shaking Liam's and kissing Phi's checks. Okay Romeo enough. "_Jai came to us three years ago _

_he's a citizen, from the Turks and Caicos Islands._ _He wanted to continue his studies and to work. A few months in, he'd run out of funds and wasn't able to find a job that paid well enough to sustain the cost of living in London. There was no family to fall back on they kicked him out after he came out as gay." _

Jai nodded as he took over telling his story his voice soft but full of strength. _"The first night [sleeping rough] it rained," he recalls. "It got wet in my sleeping bag. I was freezing cold. I was putting cardboard boxes on top of me but they got wet too. By 8am I was soaked. I felt terrible and sick."_

Antonia looked into my mum's eyes as she talked to her mum squeezed my hand.

_After three nights on the streets, Jai was arrested for stealing from Mcdonalds he was thrown into Juvie for two months with no family to provide legal counsel he was left in the system until they got around to him. Once he went to court and told his story he was turned over to us, he was given a meal by a volunteer and could then settle down in safety for the night in their spare room. In the morning he would make his bed leave go to look for work and night time he would be back gave him time to work with us to secure permanent, safe accommodation. Now Jai is our lead scout going out to schools shelters streets trying to find young people in danger he is enrolled in Cambridge to get his social workers degree, he has a steady job at McDonalds where he started a program to help at risk kids" _

My Mum asked what I was thinking "_But why Antonia are so many more young people now needing an urgent bed for the night?"_

"_The reasons for young people leaving home abruptly – or being thrown out Queen – aren't changing, but the economic and emotional pressures on hard-pressed families are ramping up fast. When they boil over, it's often young people who bear the brunt._

"_The route into safety when you felt you couldn't stay at home had traditionally been eased by youth workers who spotted something going wrong and could then intervene early," he explains. "Now, those workers aren't there. Those organizations are going to the wall."_

_When we were founded 25 years ago, we used to be a service for one night only, with no expectation that a young person might need to stay on, now it's more likely that will be asked if they can provide refuge for a few days or more at a time._

"_It's harder now to move young people on," "There are fewer options for them after Shelters. Hostels "are a bear-pit for young people," and very far from ideal, even in an emergency._

"_They contain people of all ages, with complex levels of need, with sexual offenses convictions, people who are active substance misuser, people with significant untreated mental health conditions … you are putting a young person in an environment where the chances of them emerging safe from that experience are not good."_

Once we got home Liam went to shower and Phi went to see her dad I sat at the Piano and started playing. Mum watched me from a far tears coming down her eyes she didn't think I saw but I did which only made me play harder. I thought of those kids and the bleak days that lay ahead of them and I knew with every ounce in me that I was meant to do something for them. Slowly I penned my feelings into a song. That night at dinner Uncle Cyrus sneered at me while his grotesque daughters tried to see who could kill him first I wished them both luck. Mum went on and on about me not eating but the food was so bland no salt no season nothing. "_Uncle Cyrus" "Yes dear niece of mine?" "did you ever think of getting your two dimwitted daughters committed?" "Eleanor there's not enough money in all of the uk that I could pay some poor institution to take on these two" "Perhaps you could give some of your drugs to them to dull their mouths I mean your dying so you won't be using them" "CYRUS!" "What queen? I only speak the truth Eleanor is old enough to understand right or did the drugs dumb your brain like they screwed up your heart?" "Well at least we know she has a heart now" _I glared at Penelope and growled she yelped diving under the table as I coughed. Maribel got so scared her fork went flying and knocked over Cyrus's glass of red wine straight into his pants which sent all of us into a laughing fit as he threw down his napkin stalking off. "_Don't worry dear uncle I'm sure one of the wait staff would be happy to clean it off of you" "Screw you Eleanor" _I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Mum stared at me so hard I thought I had snot coming out of my nose. Checking myself in the mirror I couldn't understand what she was staring at_. "'What Mum? Why are you staring?" "__I don't know Eleanor I can't explain it but there's something different about you tonight" "A good different" "Mum do you remember back to a few months ago when you told me I was good at nothing except ingesting other people's drugs being young and some what attractive for now which by the way mother ouch jealous much cause we both know I am fucking drop dead gorgeous" "Yes darling I do" _she looked down at her plate which barely had anything left on it was she slightly embarrassed? Oh perfect I smiled as I toyed with her. "_Than I believe you said I do nothing I contribute nothing and __when__ all this goes away I will be nothing __oh and I won't be fine which yes I understand you were applying I would probably end up dead on the streets strung out on some poor man's drug like heroine or meth" "Eleanor let me explain I was mad at that little stunt I was..."You were right mother" _She choked on her wine this time Liam dropped his fork which clattered to the ground as one of the servants scurried to pick it up. Phi stared at me than the queen who shock her head. "_Excuse me?" "Really mum you want me to repeat myself I can barely breathe" "Eleanor I'm sorry but did you say?" "Yes mum I said you were right I was a mess a selfish mess I wasn't fine and it's pretty clear to all of us how bad I screwed up but your wrong to I'm not nothing I have other talents and if it takes every last breath in me I will prove to all of us that I have what it takes to make a difference no matter how young or sick I am" "I will build a shelter that far surpasses anything anyone has ever seen I will make a difference in the youth of London."_ _"__Robert called me Iconic I won't prove him wrong" __Friendship is timeless the memories touch hearts years after the physical touch seizes to be felt." "The true miracle is in giving not receiving "__I plan to u__se whatever time __I__ may have left wisely. __Someone once __promise__d__me__ that once __I __ma__d__e that choice __I would __be happier even when everything else is crumbling around __me they were right__. __So that dear mum is the difference you see in me" Now if you excuse me I'm very tired think I will retire early"_


	43. Chapter 43

**Queen Helena**

Watching Eleanor as she thrashed around lingering between an awake state and an unconscious state was hell. Worse in many ways than burying Robert at least I knew he was out of pain he was by far in a better place. Eleanor was in such pain moaning crying out her eyes would shot up as she would gasp for air which she couldn't get even attached to all these machines. She was confused scared one minute burning up throwing the covers off the next shivering unable to get warm. She was mumbling about her dad wanting to see him. One minute she'd be awake and able to talk a few minutes laster she'd be incoherent passed out. I wanted to help her but there was nothing I could do to ease her pain her fear. I was scared to leave her side even to pee so I held it as long s I could until Liam or even Phi would make me pulling me up forcing me to the bathroom the only place I could safety break down crying. I slept every night with her not that I acutely closed my eyes or slept but I laid by her held her kissed her tried to ease her. Every waking minute in the day I was calling doctors pleading to get her moved up the list trying to get favors nothing worked. The days she was coherent she was asking for Rachael to find places where she could build this shelter she called in designers to help draw up a vision of what she wanted she researched what a shelter needed made lists. I could see Rachael's face was one of disbelieving and even annoyance which was starting to piss me off. My daughter was finally making a positive change for herself and for our nation and no one would disrespect her. I would have to speak to her about that. I loved spending time with her on those days we had tea ate meals together I helped her to the bathroom went on walks in the garden together well her in her chair me walking besides her but those days were far and few in between now each day she grew weaker and the days she spent attached to machines gasping for air sick with fever were growing more frequent. Days like today where nothing helped her. Still I was grateful for each day that came and found her alive it meant she had another day another chance to get help. She was fighting the way I had never seen Eleanor fight before. Even asleep she looked like she was in pain couldn't she ever get any rest any peace? "_Mum Mum" _She cried out moaning I took her hand tears welling up my baby my sweet baby I stoked her sweat soaked face trying to wash it down with a cold compression. "_Daddy Daddy I'm sorry please forgive me" S_ome of her words were so muffled I could barely make them out. Hearing her so distressed ripped me in two I tried everything to calm her down nothing worked. Her eyes opened I swear I could see into her soul fear gripped me what the hell was happening? She was gasping so hard her eyes would roll back oxygen didn't help. "_Eleanor Eleanor what's going on? Talk to me darling what do you need?" Daddy I need to see daddy and Liam hurry I need...I have to please" _"_Eleanor your too weak to go see your father tomorrow if your stronger" NO! Tonight I need to see… Eleanor I will go get Liam but you will not see your father not like this...Mum I need..._She passed out going limp again my heart squeezed as I rushed out to go find Liam and call Dr. Damien why was there such an urgency in her voice almost a panic. 


	44. Chapter 44

**Liam**

Phi was crying as she sat on her bed while I paced around this discussion was long over due but we hadn't had time to have it. We had both pushed it off ever since Lenny had told me in therapy about her and Phi cheating on me behind my back. I couldn't be mad at my sister I mean I should be she had betrayed me slept with my girlfriend. _"How could you Phi?" My sister I mean to sleep with anyone is beyond cruel I have done nothing but shower you with attention love I went against my mum I let my father down he's laying in a hospital bed here in the palace with a stab wound through his chest because I wasn't there for him why!" "Because you were with me Liam I know I'm sorry Liam if there was anything I could of done I would I love you Liam I do it's just not the kind of love that I should feel I can't help it I didn't know what to do I fell in love with Lenny and you were the only one I could be with who could get me access you were so sweet so charming" "So you used me to get to my sister real fucking sweet Ophelia your just like all the other sluts out there their do anything to get what they want from me money, free trips, press, as long as I sleep with them shower them with gifts their satisfied until I figure it out and dump their ass" _Phi was now standing by me her face full of anger._"Liam no it's not like that I do care I never wanted to hurt you neither of us did" "Liar!" "If you gave a damn you would of trusted me" "It wasn't just my decision Lenny didn't want your mum to know she didn't want to hurt you" _She reached for me but I turned around pulling her hands off pushing her away not hard but with enough force to make her stumble. _"don't blame this on my sister I know you did your part you had a choice you could of told me You had a right to tell me YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND and YOU were screwing my sister I had a right to fucking know Ophelia!" "And I had a right to know who the bitch is screwing my boyfriend but YOU chose to keep that a secret to and you used me to rub me in your mums face so I could be your scapegoat and deal with the queen while you sneaked off and screwed whatever hoe crawled under your dick don't act like your innocent Liam cause your no victim in this we both played our parts the difference is I own my transgressions" _She hit my arms as I stood in shock wait she knew about Kylie and she said nothing? How? When? Before I could ask her Mum busted through the door her face red as she breathlessly told me to get to my sisters room. I glanced at Phi who stood tear stained shaken closed fists mum looked between both of us but I took off not bothering to explain. Let them deal with each other they deserved each other.

Hurrying to my sisters room my heart raced almost faster than my feet could carry me. Why was there such a rush? Why did my mum come to find me and not just call my cell? Barging into her room I saw her laying flat in her bed eyes wide open breathing rapid as she struggled to keep awake. Her smile lite up weakly but it still covered her whole face. "_Older brother by four minutes I need you to listen to me please" _I swallowed what was she about to tell me she seemed so seriously. Taking a seat next to her I grabbed her hand which felt cold yet calmly. She didn't waste time lunching into a story about a guy named Brandon who had grabbed her in the elevator how she and Phi went to met this guy under the bridge the information he told them their trip to NY. The whole time I sat in shock so our mum was she innocent? I still wasn't sure she told me about Trent what he had discovered. "_It doesn't make any sense Liam everybody loved Robert I keep racking my brain as to who could of done this and I keep coming up empty. I just don't know could it be someone who hates the monarchy?" "It could be Lenny but it could also be someone who could benefit from his death" "Like who Liam?' "I have an idea Len you said the calls were made from inside the palace?" "Yes but who could?" "It has to be Cyrus!" "Liam what if it's not?" "It's not he's got this coming anyway" _I kissed her forehead telling her to rest before taking off.

**Eleanor's p o v**

Liam abrupt departure left me breathless literally closing my eyes I prayed he would be okay and not do something stupid reckless. What if it wasn't Cyrus? I mean he's a slimy weasel a desperate reprehensible failure but a murderer? I mean could he really kill his own nephew? Just to get the crown and what about his brother? I heard the door open but didn't open my eyes I felt so weak every breath hurt my chest which was plagued with coughing fits. "_You just couldn't keep your damn nose out of it could you Princess snoop?" _My eyes flew open as I heard his voice. Cyrus stood there with anger in his eyes as he rubbed his fist together. I gasped as he rushed forward covering my mouth with his hand before I could yell. _"If only you had learned to mind your own damn business but you never could even as a kid could you Eleanor?" "Always so curious even at age ten you just had to look into my room and find those drugs" "Well I protected you than told you they were bad news and to stay away I even gave you candy and played with you anything to keep you safe I mean after all you were the future heir, but now your not are you?" "No your just a loud mouth no good busy body commoner who couldn't mind her own p's and q's done is done Eleanor and you can't take it back so we have to deal with what we have left" _ I tried pushing him off but he was too powerful and with one flick he shut off my oxygen his eyes gleaming as I gasped and gasped pain exploding inside my chest as the icd shocked me he watched as my chest shock. "_It's a shame all the time energy those doctors spent on saving your worthless pathetic useless life cause in just a few seconds it will all be over and their sweat blood and tears will be for nothing" _I felt myself starting to pass out I swung at him my nails digging into his checks but nothing worked within minutes he was on top of me chocking me everything became blurry as I felt my chest being shocked over and over. "_You were such a fool thinking you could out smart me Eleanor you failed you incompetent fool don't worry about Liam Princess I'll take care of him I'll make sure he knows that this is all his fault I mean he was the future heir and he blew it he can make all the excuses he wants but excuses are just tools of incompetence used to build monuments of nothingness and those who specialize in the uses seldom achieve anything perfect fit for the party twins" _I felt my eyes burning my body started shaking as I felt all the air leave me. I was so scared I didn't want to die why was he doing this? Why wasn't anyone around? Blood rushed to my ears my eyes became fussy. Please don't let my mum find me like this she couldn't handle it. Will I go to heaven? What if I wasn't forgiven yet? I haven't made a difference yet could god know I am a good person? Will I go to hell? "_It's no use fighting anymore Eleanor your going to die might as well go quietly stop the struggle it's useless" "__C-__a-n y-o-u h-e-a-r m-e U-n-c-l-e C-y-r-u-s N-e_v-e-r __y__-o-u __b__astard go to hell" "I'll see you there Princess" _He blew me a kiss with one hand as I felt the last few gulps of air my eyes rolling in the back of my head_ "I'm innocent I didn't kill anyone God loves me" "No one loves you princess no one your disillusion it's the lack of oxygen but it'll only be a few more minutes goodnight sleep eternally Princess"_

Everything went black as I passed out.


	45. Chapter 45

**Helena**

Phi was distraught as Liam flew out of the room what had he said to her? I mean I didn't like the hussy but I had raised my son better than to ever disrespect women still he was young in love and in a lot of pain. Plus he was drinking like crazy not a good mixture. "_Listen up Ophelia we have little time I need you to pull yourself together Eleanor is very sick and I'm afraid we don't have long left" _She didn't even look up her body was shaking sighing I went over and put my arm around her shoulders she finally looked up her face covered in tears. "_Cut the tears out Phi you brought this on yourself sleeping with both my children what did you think would happen?" "I know Ophelia you didn't think you would get caught you thought your in love your young invisible your on top of the world" "Well guess what your wrong you made a mistake counted your chickens before they hatched now we need to deal with the eggs that were laid" "Eleanor needs us all to be strong for her so you will suck your goddamn tears up swallow your pride forget your dignity which is somewhere on the bottom of my son's bed and go in there smile like your the happiest person in this world take whatever words my son who's heart you shattered throws at you and hold my daughters hands you understand the magnitude of this just as you saw the significance when Liam was almost sworn in as Prince reign so I'll ask you to take a step back and ask yourself where your place is in all of this don't do it because I am asking you do it for Eleanor she needs someone strong enough to stand by her now" "Now suck it up put on whatever your warpaint is and go in there I have something I need to do" "__If you can't suck it up Phi and you hurt my daughter the way you hurt my son I promise you there will be hells fury on you and your father"_

I left her standing there shocked in tears as I went down the hall carefully towards Simon's room which was guarded by two palace guards. Going inside I sighed seeing my husband attached to machines feeling shaky unsure if I could do what I knew I had to do. My daughter was dying I was sure of it and I was the only one who could help her but nothing about this felt right. Simon lay sleeping on the bed I took his hand and kissed it remembering all the amazing times we had when we were younger. "_We were quite a match weren't we Simon? We both made choices some bad some not so bad we all have to live with the consequences of those choices" "There was a time when I truly loved you Simon and I never would of thought of doing what I have done now but that was before we had kids it's true what they say kids change your life for the better and the worse" "I don't know what this will mean for England Simon but I know what this will mean for our daughter yes Simon our beautiful young stubborn minded brilliant vibrant daughter ours and no one else's" "I won't apologize Simon all I can say is Gods speed my king someday I will face my judgment" _

Taking a deep breath I reached over and turned off the life support machine switching one of the dials leaving on the actual screen on than left quickly before the loud bleep started.


	46. Chapter 46

**Ophelia**

"_Friendship is timeless it's touch reaches the heart long after the physical touch seizes to exist" _

The minute I entered her room I knew something bad had happened Lenny was convulsion eyes rolled back blood shot her body suddenly went limp no one was around. Where the hell was everyone. I screamed running over to her. She was motionless now not breathing her face pale lips blue. Without wasting a minute I lowered her bed throwing off the pillows and jumped on her bed. Lifting her neck checking her mouth to see there was nothing inside choking her. I started thirty chest compressions than covered my mouth over hers breathing into her. I checked for her pulse nothing quickly I called 999 and restarted compressions my mind filled with fear as I breathed in to her again. Repeating this over and over repositioning her head each time. Please Eleanor you have to be okay please respond.

I was never so relieved to see the queen rush inside her room her face fell as soon as she saw Eleanor's state.

Now I was at the hospital laying on her bed holding her I don't know why the queen and Liam weren't there yet but I wouldn't argue with some alone time. Unless you count the nurse that was in her room at the time Jessica who was keeping her distance just doing what needed to be done allowing me to cuddle Lenny touch her chest feeling her heartbeat not even wanting to image not being able to hold her kiss her touch her make love to her lay next to her. The steady beeping of the monitor maintaining her life. The hiss of oxygen lured me to sleep.

_**[Dream Sequence] **_

"I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my mouth as Len stepped onto the dance floor. A vision of beauty in her long flowing gorgeous designer gown of black satin with a rainbow Vail clinging to her back her perfect body looked just fantastic in this gown. She glided forwarded smiling as the lights dimmed she stepped next to me on the dance floor as the DJ announced "_lease welcome to the dance floor for their first dance as wife and wife Mrs. Ophelia and Eleanor Henstridge" _Lenny smiled taking my hands into hers my eyes looked up filling with tears of happiness. I could barely swallow as I felt my hands glided over her amazing thin but perfect body. Her breasts rubbed against mine as our bodies pressed against each other. We started our first dance as our family and friends cheered us on she slipped her jewelery cladded wrist over my shoulders resting her head against mine. Our bodies moved in sync to the song we had chosen. I felt her strong steady heartbeat the rise of her chest in normal rhythm. "_This is a better than a dream Phi cause it's real life, this is our life honey I couldn't be happier Phi thank you for doing the honor of being my wife and choosing me to be your wife" _ She placed her hand over my heart I smiled kissing her hand I saw my dad standing by her mum both smiling my dad beaming with joy her mum well who the hell knows was she playing a part or was she really happy? You never knew what the queen was up to. People were throwing out multi colored rose petals Liam dancing with Gemma. As we span around I stopped in shock for a minute there was my mom in her blue pants suit the one she was buried in she was smiling blowing kisses to me. She was standing next to Lenny's dad wait why was? Lenny's voice pulled me back. "_T__hose who truly love have roots that grow towards each other __under ground and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from the branches they find the one true not two your my one true root Phi let me be yours I promise you'll never regret it" _I looked at my mom and Simon holding hands blowing kisses to us she made a heart shape in the air as he wiped away tears watching Lenny. Didn't Len see them? I looked at her she smiled leaning closer as our lips touched pressing together."


	47. Chapter 47

**Phi p o v**

One look into Liam's eyes and Lenny just knew what had happened the look of soul crushing pain in her eyes was enough to make my knees weakened. She had become so hysterical they had to give her drugs to calm her down. Holding her hand which was cold and sweaty I prayed silently for her to get stronger. Dr. Damien came inside as Lenny stared out the window her mum had just come in from greeting the public. She was uncharacteristically quite arms folded across her chest pacing the room. "_Dr. Damien what's going on with my daughter?" "Ms. Henstridge unfortunately Eleanor has taken a turn for the worse she's being moved from Status B1 to Status A1 on the transplant list. I won't menace words Eleanor your a very sick young woman you need a transplant soon or I'm afraid there won't be much time left." "Ideally the best match would be a blood relative" "Doctor isn't there anything else that could be done?" "I'm afraid not Liam we've tried all the drugs the icd is doing all it can but her heart is simply to weak" "So the only hope is a transplant?" "Yes your highness" "Than it's time mother" _I watched as the queen shock her head it was like she wasn't even listening to anything being said she was just standing there by the bed holding Eleanor's hand. "_What are you talking about Liam?" "I'm talking about this lie that you and Cyrus have been forcing us all to live it's time to cut it out" "Cut what out? What lies are you referring to?" "The bloody lie that were not Simon's children" _ I saw the doctor hurry out as Liam went face to face with his mum his eyes blazing his mum sighed rolling her eyes as she straightened herself out squeezing Lenny's hand I could see the confusion in Lenny's eyes as she darted back between them trying to sit up gently I helped her even that simple movement drained so much energy she had to lay her head back and suck deeply on the oxygen coming from the mask. _"Liam we simply don't have time for your outrageous theories and delusional bullshit" "I'm not delusional mother in fact I've never felt clearer I made a promise to my dad on his deathbed and I intend to keep it" "Now tell us the truth Mum it's just us no paparazzi no public just us your children and if you have ever loved us than tell us the truth." "Simon is our dad and his heart could go to Eleanor" _I watched as Lenny recoiled just thinking about what Liam was saying. "_I know it sounds gruesome Lenny but think about it if you got dad's heart you would always have apart of him with you I know if you had his heart you would take such great care of it you'd never use drugs or alcohol and what better way to make dad proud of you" _Lenny seemed to really warm to what Liam was saying I saw the queen getting angrier as she stepped to Liam without warning slapped Liam. "_You want to make your father proud Liam than grow up stop living in a fantasy world face the truth your dad is not your dad not in the way that it counts" "Eleanor I am so sorry your brother got your hopes up sweetheart but I had Simon's heart tested and he isn't a match for you, Eleanor you won't be getting a transplant from him not today but I don't want you to lose hope I am working with the top cardiologists in this field and we will find you a match" "__I am not giving up Eleanor and you must not either" _My heart skipped a beat as I saw Liam's eyes fall his fists clenched still caked in blood I could feel Lenny's anger at her mum watching Liam her body tensed with worry. Her eyes begging me to go check on him so for her sake I went over to him but he whirled around shooting me a death glare and ran out kicking the door. "_Liam" _Lenny called out which lead to a coughing fit her mum rushed to her side.

"_Mum please just look me in the eyes and I'll believe you no Liam here just you and I I won't judge you I just need to know, I trust you mum I know you won't lie to me not when my life is on the line" "What is it baby?" "Is dad really my dad? "Eleanor I promise you I am telling the truth Simon is not your dad his heart can not help you your father was a brave man named Henry who died in the war" _Eleanor swallowed taking a few minutes to process this news before sinking back down squeezing her mum's hand. I think they forget I was in the room so I left quietly to give them a moment. Tears falling down from my eyes my heart broke for her as the reality of it all hit her.

Her dad was dead and her heart was failing at such a rapid rate that without a transplant she would die. For a moment Liam had given her hope but her mum had looked her right in her eyes and squashed that hope for the first time I believed what she said there was no way a mother could look her dying child in her eyes and lie to her. Even the ice queen couldn't be that cold and calculated could she?


	48. Chapter 48

**Eleanor**

I heard voices as I slowly woke up Mum was by my side soothing my hair down as hands lifted me what was going on? I couldn't understand but it all happened so fast I was placed on a stretcher a blanket wrapped around me as I was wheeled down the hall. Looking around I tried to find my mum ask them where I was going? Why was I going there? What time was it? What day? Was I okay? Was something bad happening? I was wheeled down for tests than wheeled up to a OR prep area. Confusion filling me my chest felt so tight my head stuffy. "_Eleanor baby please try to stay calm we have amazing news a donor heart has been found it's flying in as we speak your being prepped for surgery were just waiting on some test results and for the heart to be examined" "stay strong baby girl I'll be here waiting when you wake up with a strong new heart" _Mum kissed my hand as is aw a new doctor come over smiling holding up a needle. _"Princess Eleanor I am Hans O'Donnell I'm the Anesthesiologist were ready for you I'm going to ask you to count backwards from ten and I bet you won't make it to 8." _I looked to Mum she was trying so hard not to show her fear but I sensed it along with something else that I couldn't put my finger on it. "_Ready Princess?" _I wanted to scream_ "NO!" _but I couldn't swallow never mind speak my throat was clogged from fear and nerves. I was scared what was going on? Who died? Who's heart was I getting? I felt my heart squeeze for the person who passed for their family and friends their pain must be so overwhelming. I wished I could talk to my dad he would know what to say but the only way I could do that was if I died. "_Start counting Eleanor" "10.._i watched my mum go as much as I wished she could stay my heart tightened seeing her retreating form she looked so sad so defeated. I hated seeing my mum like this but she couldn't help me this next part whatever lay ahead was a journey only I could go on. _"9_..._ 8_ Everything became blurry as I felt myself drift off.


	49. Chapter 49

**Eleanor**

The first thing I noticed upon awakening was the incredible sensation of no pain anywhere. How could that be? Slowly my vision cleared I could see the white fluffy clouds where was I? _"Eleanor" _I heard his voice as soon as I awoke "_Daddy" "Yes my Lenny come here give me a hug I've missed you" _Tears welled up as I ran to my father and Robert standing there smiling sadly staring at me. Wait was I running? Was I really free no wires no pain, I could move, run jump and laugh without getting short of breath. I took advantage of it running fast and free twirling. Dad waited with open arms tears welled up starting to over flow. _"No tears in heaven darlin'' _One Touch from him tears turned to laughter as he tickled me. Robert scooped me up spinning me around which only made me laugh harder. When I calmed down I saw Robert was standing next to someone she was young and beautiful with curly blond hair to her lower shoulders the palest yet richest skin the color of ivy her eyes were the most brilliant color of Emerald green with icy coral blue. Beside her was another lady my breath sucked in when I saw who she was Mrs. Pyrce. She curtsied towards me as I went over and hugged her she held me tight I didn't want to let go there was no way for me to ever thank her enough for giving birth to the most amazing beautiful young woman. _""Next to Mrs. Pryce is Miss. Daughtry" S_he couldn't be more than 16 maybe 17 at the most. _ "Pleasure to meet you again my Princess" _Her voice was lyrical every word seemed to come out like a song. "_We met before?" "Oh why yes Ma'am a few times" "I'm sorry but I don't remember ever meeting you" _Why don't I remember meeting her? Everything was growing fussy now. "_Lenny listen to me" "Yes daddy?" "Do better Lenny I can see the change your trying to make and I am so proud of you I know you can be the iconic light Robert and I always knew you would be, there's not much time left though Lenny listen carefully Len your time on earth is limited now you mustn't waste a minute you are destined for greatness don't ever be afraid to fight and fight hard fight for who you are what you want, believe in __no matter what Len you'll never be alone you must be the queen you were meant to be you have to fight and be strong when others can't or won't" _ Robert turned me towards him stroking my face. _"Len you can't let what happened to me cloud your brain or fill your days with worry those who hurt me shall pay for their sins but it is not your job to make them pay forgive and you shall find peace no matter what you find" "What are you talking about?" _Dad held me tighter as he kissed my head. "_Len you will find things out about your mum good and bad but in the end you must remember she''s always going to be your mum your one and only mum and she loves you" "Dad do you forgive her?" "Yes Eleanor I do and I wish her nothing but happiness after everything we have been through Helena's heart was in the right place while her actions were misguided she is paying the consequences for her actions silently internally everyday" _Heaven looked so peacefully I didn't want to leave. I couldn't shake this feeling that I've been here before. "_Will meet again someday soon my princess" _I turned to the young woman her eyes looked so wise and warm. Looking into them I felt my heart race as Mrs. Pyrce turned to me. "_You've made my daughter so happy Princess I couldn't be happier you have my blessing I wish you would be able to tell Phi this for me she's so conflicted she's hurting she won't tell you but she's desperate for acceptance pls tell her I love her and I want nothing but happiness for you two" "I wi-_ I felt myself growing fussy my vision was growing blurry white was turning into bright light making my head hurt I couldn't speak something was in my throat choking me. Pain so much pain but I had to know who was she? Her eyes they were like magic. "_You know me Princess think hard will always be forever friends"_

Forever friends? God pain blinding pain someone make the pain stop it was exploding from everywhere my chest my stomach my head. Light the light was burning my eyes air I needed air Raj the name came to me. Who had said those words before? The letter. "_Eleanor!" "Lenny!" _Mum and Phi I heard their voices as pain over took me noise so much noise someone turn that damn light out! Mum was touching me there was a piercing into my arm than I was floating. 


	50. Chapter 50

**Phi**

"_I'm scared dad why isn't she waking up?"_My dad who was on official duty smiled weakly at me as he stood in the doorway arms folded in front of him. I could see he wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around me but he couldn't or maybe just wouldn't. He was still pretty angry at me for everything that has happened. I hung my head down as tears fell freely while my fingers gently ran the length of Lenny's hand. There wasn't another sound in the room just the hiss and hums of the machines breathing for Len who remained unconscious eyes taped shut tube down her throat. This was driving me insane I hated seeing her so sick. I know I wasn't the only one either, I watched while the queen stood motionless at the big bay window her eyes glued to whatever scene was going on down below in the playground. My dad didn't make any moves or utter one word of encouragement to me. Anger seeped through my veins why was he being so childish? Didn't he get it I needed him. He's my only parent I need some love guidance even if he couldn't promise me she'd wake up even just an I believe in Eleanor I'll be here for you something. Yet he said nothing. Now I understand how Lenny felt when her dad was stabbed and her mum never offered her any encouragement for his recovery. Turns out she was right to her dad never regained consciousness could his silent be his way of sparing me any lies or false hope? Did he know something I didn't? Sighing I got up going over to the window standing by the queen. Her eyes were filled with moisture wait could this wretched bitch be crying? I saw what she was looking at a little boy and girl were running around a swing seat. They were laughing and tickling each other. The boy had blond hair while his sister I suppose she was had darker hair both were adorable and well dressed. When I looked at her I saw an unspeakable sorrow. "_I miss them being this little __it was so easy when they were kids__I could protect them nothing could get past me to harm them, now there's nothing I can do to protect either one of them everything I try fails I must be the worlds worst mother" _Normally I could less about the queen's feelings never would I have ever felt sorry for her but now standing here watching her shoulders heavy with heaviness seeing the devastation on her face. Something stirred inside of me she walked stiffly over to Len's bedside taking her pale motionless hand which had a needle stuck through it. She brushed her hair back talking to her softly, Lenny was once again laying in a coma on the ECHMO machine with a catcher,, colostomy bag, Iv's EKG. Liam's words still echoed in my head from two weeks ago. "_It's over!" "What is Liam?' "The surgery it's done wait it's only been an hour Liam how is that possible?" it was suppose to be 4-5 hours what happened?" "Their not doing surgery Phi!" _Liam was shaking his face bright red as he punched the wall. My heart squeezed as I jumped from the wall splitting open. A hundred questions flooded through my head. "_Lenny has antibodies in her blood they said she has an infection she won't be getting a transplant" _I looked at Liam hard in the eyes there was an anger that was burning in his eyes. "_It's a fucking lotto Phi Lenny's in for the race of her life she's waiting at the edge of her chair watching as they call all the numbers on the screen anxious scared hopeful they call all the numbers perfect until the end, it's the end number that matters the most" _My whole body went numb that number would change her life. "_Don't you get it Phi?" "No Liam I'm sorry I don't I get that she won't be getting a transplant today she's sick with an infection" "Not just any infection Phi she has pneumonia and the flu her lungs are failing her left ones already collapsed Lenny isn't going to be the winner Phi her number was called but she was one number short" "She's out of time Phi my sister is dying even if she wakes up from this her heart and lungs are both failing" _Liam ran from the room I haven't seen him in two weeks. Since than Lenny has had serve diarrhea, she's lost blood had to have two units she's lost twenty pounds she's been having night sweats. She vomited for three days straight till they put a tube down her throat her kidneys started shutting down. Still I was hopeful hope was always here as long as she was alive I would always hope. Hope wasn't lacking what we lacked was time, time for her to heal time for her to get stronger time to await a transplant. I seemed to be the only one though her mum hadn't said one word until a few minutes ago. She didn't even snip at me when I forced my way into her room she didn't kick me out. She just accepted it and left me alone.

The two of us were huddled by her bedside my dad at the door with Marcus looking up at her mum I saw her eyes were bloodshot mine must look pretty rough to with all the crying I've been doing. Lenny's face was so pale her checks sunken in black dark circles under her eyes. The doctors already told us she couldn't feel anything but I wondered how true it was. "_I miss you Lenny I love you so much baby" _The giant lump in my throat prevented me from saying any more. The queen took over though squeezing my hand I jumped at her touch but when I looked up I didn't see any hate or negativity just pain. "_You mean so much to all of us Lenny now and forever darlin always remember that" _The beep of the machines were our only answer. Leaning down I kissed her forehead wondering where Liam was he should be here. 


	51. Chapter 51

**Liam**

The soothing sound of the splash of rain splattered down against the barn roof as I tried to settle the nerves of the twenty horses all pacing in their stalls. I made my way to each stall drying the horses off brushing their manes till they were shiny feeding them oats and carrots making sure there was water and hay. Than I started cleaning out the stalls the smells had gotten to me at first but now I was use to it. Sighing I petted one of the horses a big black stallion named Wildefire she was beautiful strong independent so far she wasn't able to be used for campers too wild and stubborn but Kylie was working to train her. She reminded me of Lenny hot tears burned my eyes stinging my chest. I knew she was alive I kept updates through Marcus but I couldn't bring myself to see her like this. I was suppose to protect her I am her big brother even if it's only by four minutes. I know I am being selfish but I didn't care I just couldn't take it watching mum pretend to care while Lenny lay helpless and seeing Phi with her it was all too much the little lying bitch had betrayed me. How was I suppose to sit by her comfort her when she broke my heart. Maybe I was being hypocritical since I as technically a cheater as well but honestly I didn't care. Stop thinking about her Liam she doesn't love you she used you so get over her. Not so easy though because unlike every other girl I had slept with I really started to love Ophelia I thought she was different she listened to me she seemed to care she didn't want my world, she wanted me that's what she told me but it was just another lie just like everything in my life. All she wanted was my sister. She had planned it all out she stalked me just to get to Lenny the whole thing freaked me out.

How was I suppose to trust anyone? Even my own sister had betrayed me I know she didn't mean to hurt me but she did and I was having a really hard time accepting it. "_Liam are you alright?" _Kylie's voice rung out startling me. She looked stressed but beautiful I knew camp was starting in less than a month so there was a lot to prepare for it. _"I'm good babe how was the meeting?" "The same as usual so much to be done so little time thanks for taking such awesome care of the horses that storm hit so suddenly" "Yea tell me about it I know all about storms and their impact" "So anything I can do to help with preparations for camp?" _she bit her lip I knew she was taking a risk hiding me out here allowing me on the property if there was anything I could do to help I would. "_I don't know Liam Rad is pretty strict about who she lets on her camp she likes it to be exclusively for kids with illness I mean once in awhile she lets in brothers or sisters but it's not as common""I bet I could sweet talk her" "Doubtful she's not one for sweet talk but I guess it couldn't hurt to try I know she's stressed sure why not" _We walked up to the main building thankfully the storm had subsided this time the lobby was empty she lead me past the desk where a young man was answering phones and working on a laptop. Leading me down a quite beautifully decorated hall which was lined with offices music came out of one office which is where we stopped. Knocking softly she opened the door slightly "_Rad, Lark?" _opening the door I saw two young ladies sitting inside one behind the desk one in front both working on their laptops and cell phones. "Kylie_ come on in sweetie"_ The young lady in front of the desk spoke she was beautiful long black hair to her lower back crimped and curled amazing green eyes dressed sharply in blue jeans a short sleeved white blouse and Grey blazer. She looked like she was in her mid twenties, while the other girl turned around in her seat I could see she was on her blue tooth. I gasped now as I recognized them from the picture in the lobby. The girl sitting in the chair was the youngest in the picture with the curly blond hair to her lower shoulders, she looked slightly older now but not by much also dressed sharply in a black mini shirt and purple blouse with pink trim she smiled ending the phone conversation. "_Come on in Kylie please close the door" _Kylie seemed nervous why though? This girl looked so young how could she be any harm? _"I'm so sorry to interrupt I know your busy but I came to ask a favor this is my friend Liam" "You mean Prince Liam Kylie?" "Well yes he doesn't really want to be refereed to as prince though" "Very well come on in have a seat guys, Liam this is my sister and CFO of my camp Lark Raven Daughtry" "Pleased to meet you Lark" _I shock hands with Lark who smiled and nodded at me. "_Liam I am Radha Jarlath Daughtry CEO Founder and creator of Fisi" _

"_Hello nice to meet you your camp is amazing Kylie gave me a short tour it's so clean and thought out" "Thank you I have tried to think of every detail and I always believe first impressions count if you pull up and see garbage and dirt all over who would want to send their kid there?" "Very true" _We shock hands as she stood up coming over to shut off the stereo and offer us something to drink or eat. We declined but sat down as she went back to her chair, I was surprised to see how tall she was almost 6'0 but rail thin. _"It's an honor to meet you again Liam and to have you grace my camp" "We meet before?" "Yes we did when I was six my cousin married your dad's cousin __I was the one who sang the wedding song as they danced their first dance" _I gasped as memories poured back I was 10 than bored as hell at the wedding and reception Lenny and I spent the whole time sulking in our seats being scolded by our parents but when this little girl came up to dance Lenny had pulled me to my feet and begged me to dance. I was never a great dancer that was always her field but there was something special about this little girl's voice so powerful so rich every lyric was magical when it came from her mouth. Even at that young age she was a great dancer and Lenny had no trouble finding her rhythm as we spun on the floor. I never saw her so happy than when she was on the floor twirling to the music she even made me look good. I can still hear her voice as she sang.

"_Hope she's a beautiful word her spirit never dies_,

F_orever we cling forever we promise _

_Funny cause __no one is promised forever __yet_

_W__e can we cling to our dreams _

_E__veryone dreams of Love that is everlasting, to be our partners light when their strength is weary _

_L__ife isn't easy but in this moment we look in each others eyes with words of promises in vows __of __forever __T__o love in sickness in health in riches for poor it doesn't matter if lighting strikes. _

_T__his is our first step in independence to start our new lives we are brave we are strong we are free we __H__ave our chance to make wrongs right_

_D__amn anyone who tries to hold us back_

_We have Hope _

_Hope she's our light in the dark guiding our ship to shore_

_She's our wings when our legs are weak_

_An angel sent to carry us through the dark_

_Hope dear hope she's our lover our friend _

_We fight her but in the darkest moments we surrender to her fire_

_On this day two souls become one_

_I knew from the moment I first saw you that you were my destiny_

_Two ships lost at sea we find our way through the darkest storms_

_I fought it off but you remained loyal to the fight_

_Like a beacon a ray of light you had me with three simple words_

_Footprints left on my heart I can't stop my heart from falling_

_Tried not to let you see I had to be strong _

_No one could conquer my song_

_I am one and I don't need anyone _

_Funny how one year later I stand here _

_Proud I can't wait to show the world_

_That you are my one my only true love"_

Shaking my head I tried to clear my thoughts she wasn't a little girl anymore now she was a beautiful young woman and she had accomplished so much. We had heard about her achievements our whole lives. Mum loved to rub it all in Lenny's face. Rad was signed to a recording contract by the time she was six she made her first album at age eight she went on to star in movies and TV series she did many guest spot appearances. Winning awards left and right. She has contributed a lot to charities she even created a show where kids get their wishes fulfilled by celebrities and all the profits from the show went to a charity for sick kids. Since her first album she's released ten every one went to number one she's gone on countless tours. Five years ago she joined forces with Lark, their brothers Kian and Aodh sister Keavy to form a family band all three albums went to number one they've won awards and preformed all over the world. It was no shocker in reality their parents are both famous their mum and grandmum Emmy and Oscar winning actresses from Ireland. Their dad a member of parliament. Mum always liked her inviting her over when she was little for play-dates with Lenny but Lenny never had any desire to take part in these arranged dates. Than Rad got sick when she was 12 and suddenly she stopped coming around. Mum stopped talking about her. Our cousins are still married but we never really see our dad's cousin Colleen. "_Liam I am sorry to hear about all your troubles but I have to ask what brings you here?" "I'm dating Kylie and I'm really touched by this amazing camp I would love to help" "Thank you Liam but really this camp isn't for outsiders" "Rad I'm sorry I don't wan to be rude but Liam understands what it's like to be touched by sickness I don't know if you've heard but princess Eleanor is really sick" _I told her about Lenny's illness how she didn't know is beyond me it was all over the press. After she heard my story she agreed to let me stay on and help putting me in charge of the teen support group for drugs/alcohol. I was grateful she agreed Kylie showed me where I could stay closing the door I smiled pulling her to me kissing her holding her giggling she threw her head back snuggling against me. "_Thank you Kylie it's a relief to have a roof over my head without having to sneak around" ""Liam you have a home you know no one has kicked you out" "Yea I know but I can't stay there not with Ophelia there and my sister so sick I just need time away" _Kylie grinned and tapped my lips before moving me to the bed. "_This bed looks comfy I think we need to test it out" "I'm all for that" _Laying with her afterwards while she slept I took a deep breath so far it was all going to plan. I hated being away from Lenny but I needed space from all the drama plus this was the only way I could get a chance to find a lead on whatever was going down at the palace. I know Rad is still in contact with her cousin Vincent through him I maybe able to get to Colleen maybe she could give some insight.

The next few days I helped Berti a certified drugs and alcohol counselor to get things set up for opening day there was a lot to do yet but the time passed fast. She was helpful and I could tell very passionate about her work, very chatty and knowledge. I went through classes on drug and alcohol with her to help understand why teens make the choices they do with their lives how they end up with addictions. What our role is here and how to talk to them. Lunch time is when I started snooping around I got to know Rad's schedule so I knew she would be out from 12-3 no one was around as I sneaked into her office and went through her desk. Where would someone hide their family numbers? I tried her drawers no luck than her laptop. No luck with the numbers but I got her password easily my heart was beating so hard as I scanned her files bingo I got an email from Vincent quickly I put his email address into my phone set to close it I couldn't help what caught my eye.

"_Rad I want you to be careful with this little project of yours I know your sending letters to Princess Eleanor. You know I am always proud of you for everything you have done you never take credit for any of this. This time though it maybe going to far there's some shaddy chiz going down at the palace Colleen won't say much but she suspects her cousin was the victim of foul play. Please be careful. I know you want to help Eleanor but she may not want the help and frankly from what I hear she doesn't have much time left."_

Voices caught my attention quickly I shut down and slipped through the side door. When I was far enough away I sent her cousin an email asking for Colleen's number. I was shocked when ten minutes later I got a reply with the number shaking I dialed it as I slipped outside.

"_Hello?" "Colleen?" "Yes is this really you Liam?" "Yes hi I know this seems strange since we haven't talked in years" "No it's great to hear from you how are you I am so sorry for your loss I know how much you love your dad and believe me my cousin loves you so much I don't care what the biology is he was your father" "I know listen that's what I want to talk to you about did my dad ever mention to you that there was even a slight possibility that he might not be our dad?" "No Liam I never heard my cousin mention anything about it but he did know your mum was cheating on him so I guess anything is possible" "Do you know who she was sleeping with?" Liam I honestly think you should stay out of this" "Colleen I can't my sister needs a heart transplant if our dad isn't our dad she may have family out there who can help" "Help how?" "I don't know but Lenny deserves to know her family and if my dad was in fact my dad and my mum lied to her than that bitch just cost Lenny her only chance at life" "Liam if I tell you you have to promise me you won't do anything crazy" "I can't make that promise my sisters life is on the line" "Fine than I'm going with you" "Colleen you don't have to I can handle this on my own" "No Liam you can't I won't let anything happen to you your my cousins son I would never forgive myself if something happened to you" "Where are you?" _I told her the address and we agreed to meet tomorrow.

All night I was restless so I gave up sleep and walked downstairs each day a few more staff members were arriving and most had issues sleeping or just didn't want to. That night there was a mini party going on down by the pool so I stripped down and jumped in the water was amazing and so refreshing. After a few minutes I went back to the patio grabbing a beer sitting down next to a few lads. One was named Peter, another Jeff, Blake and Stone laying back on the lawn chair I listened to their stories. Peter was 17 from Leads and had ALL since he was 14, he was a football fanatic and a math genius. Jeff is 18 and from Wales he had diabetes and had a pancreas transplant when he was 16. Blake lost his right leg when he was 13 to bone cancer. He's been cancer free for six years now and is enrolled in university to be a doctor. Kylie came and sat by me cuddling with me all my nerves were on high alert but with a few more beers and some cuddles I started loosening up. All these young men were amazing to me. I found myself invested in them and wanting to know more anything I could do to help them.

Colleen hadn't changed much in all the years since I've seen her it's rare we got to see each other I mean at family events but we never really talked much. Standing outside the house of the man who could possibly be my dad I was a nervous wreck. It's now or never Kylie squeezed my hand as we waited while I knocked. Colleen stood behind us looking around whoever lived here kept it neat but you could tell a guy lived here alone. No one answered my anger mounted there was a car in the driveway so I knew someone had to be home I swore I even heard noise inside. "_Liam stay calm" "Forget calm" _I kicked the door down and went inside clutching the gun I stole on my way out of the palace thanks uncle asshole. "_Hello!" "Anybody here?" _Kylie screamed as we came inside seeing blood splattered all over the floor the place was destroyed. Bullet holes lined the entire room my body shock as I looked around. "_Freeze!" _We sun around as we saw a man jump out of a hidden door pointing a M4 with a 203 grenade at us. "_Drop the gun kid" "Don't shoot please!" "Give me one good reason to not blow your brain out kid" "Your Alastair Lacey right?" "Who wants to know kid?" "Not kid sir your son Liam"_


	52. Chapter 52

**Liam**

"_In the case of paternity it is 99.99% that Simon Henstridge is in fact the father of twins Liam and Eleanor Henstridge" _

I stared at the sheet of paper in my hand shaking as the man my mum had been having an affair with for all these years stood behind me. "_I'm sorry your mum has put you and your sister through this, when Helena and I started this affair I never thought it would get this messy or complicated" "She's changed from the teenager I met Liam if you let me I'll tell you everything" "Yes someone needs to give me answers" "Not here lets get away" "Fine by me"_

I had a few days off anyway so I took it and went with this man who I didn't know we traveled out to the country side not far from camp really. He showed me the farm where Mum grew up which was now thriving by a new family. Telling me stories of when mum was young and they first met. He told me about her struggles to chase her own dreams yet being caught up with her parents needs and demands. I couldn't imagine mum as a kid never mind riding horses. Still this man was baring his soul for me we went for a pint he told me about the men Lucius sent to have him killed which had Cyrus scent all over it. "_Do you think my mum knew who our dad really is?" "Yes I think she knows all along it was Simon this whole thing was set up by her and Cyrus just to keep you from being king" "Why though?" "That was Cyrus's plan he wanted that throne so bad when your father went to have the referendum they had to have him stopped so they ordered the hit on your dad __Helena told me everything I even gave her the name of a hit man which I deeply regret now but love makes you do stupid things__, they didn't think you were ready to be king so they faked the paternity test I was kept in the dark about if I was your father. I knew there was a possibility but she was never honest with me, __until she made that speech on TV than I knew there was no way I was your father" "How did you know?"__ "__Her eyes I can always tell in Helena's eyes" "The way her voice became soft she loves you two even if she doesn't show it and this was killing her to do it but she is brain washed now with the monarchy Lucius and Cyrus have it planted in her head she is the monarchy" "So what was her plan after Cyrus became king?" "She is working Nigel to have it signed into parliament that when something happens to Cyrus she is officially the queen, than I will marry her" Somewhere though Cyrus betrayed her and tried to take me out he's getting more dangerous Liam I think Helena is in trouble" "Do you think he would hurt my mum?" "Yes I think it's a real possibility" "__I have to stop him" "She's distracted with your sisters illness she's not thinking clearly don't let your guard down" "Whatever you do don't mention me to her she made her choice and it clearly wasn't me if Cyrus finds out I am alive" "You won't be for much longer your secret is safe with me thanks" _

As we stood both of us nervous I wondered should I hug this man that was this close to being my father he risked his life to tell me this stuff. Yet he also helped contribute to my dad's murder he had knowledge of it. He did nothing sure maybe now he regrets it maybe it's eating him up inside or maybe it was just losing his one true love. Either way he looked sickened and alone no one should be alone. I held out my hand he nodded to me holding it firm. His eyes held such sadness suck it up Liam your dad always taught you to be the bigger man. I pulled him in for a hug. I felt my throat clog up I would never hold my real dad ever again. Soon I may not be able to hold my sister. You have to see her put aside your differences and feelings go see her before it's too late. Coming out of the hug I nodded at him and turned to walk away we waved at the door and seconds later I heard screeching followed by the sound of bullets being shot. People screamed running as I felt myself thrown to the ground as Alistair pushed me.

Wetness soaked me as I looked down and saw blood seeping through the concrete. His body went limp.


	53. Chapter 53

**Eleanor**

Four weeks so far since I was admitted to the hospital two weeks I was in a coma now I was moved from PCICU to PCU. Mum was doing everything she could to get me to move from my bed but I was depressed and there was nothing that could get me to feel better. I loved spending time in bed it was the only place I felt like I could be me. That's why I was currently buried under my covers head buried under the pillows, curled up in a tiny ball like a kitten, the curtains were drawn shut the lights were off it was pitch black darkness and I never loved it more. I never fit in with people I couldn't use drugs fuck I couldn't even drink. What was the point in getting out of bed? Ted wasn't letting Phi back now that I was awake and mum was hovering to the point where death was starting to look pretty damn good. I wanted to talk to my dad but that was never going to happen was it? Why did he have to die? He was such an amazing man compassionate, loyal, smart, he had dreams he accepted people at face value without judgment. He wanted to change the nation why? Why would someone want him gone? Didn't they give a damn about how much he was needed? How loved he was? Did he even know how much I loved him? "_Eleanor sweetheart I know your devastated but this mopping around isn't good for you babe you need to get out see the world make some friends" "Fuck friends every time I make them you destroy them get rid of them or their parents forbid them from seeing me why the fuck should I put myself through it?" "Eleanor I'm sorry Ted won't let you see Phi I will try to talk to him" "Why mum you hate her" "But you love her babe and that's what's important to me" "Since when?" "Since I realized how much it hurts me to lose you" "The way your hurting right now Eleanor with losing your father that's how much it hurts me thinking about you dying" _I almost took the covers off my head almost Mum was being honest but it didn't matter she couldn't wipe away a lifetime of memories of mine with one sentence. My whole life it was my dad who looked after me loved me accepted me encouraged me believed in me. Mum did nothing but try to tear me down she made me feel like shit she's the reason I turned to drugs, to drinking. I was always a daddy's girl ever since I was born I had him wrapped around my little pink finger he would do anything for me. He took me to concerts even when he hated the bands preforming, he took me to dance rehearsals and shows he took the time out to show me how to play the piano. He helped me with my homework he showed me how to shoot a bow and arrow when mum told him it was a boys sports he told her I could do anything I set my mind and heart to. Losing him was worse than any physical pain I was currently feeling and believe me I was in fucking pain my chest felt like it was being ripped open my throat was so raw from the tube I could barely swallow my stomach hurt from all the vomiting and diarrhea I couldn't even breathe without pain shooting through my whole body my head was spinning my eyes hurt from all the tears. I felt abandoned alone and isolated no one could understand how I felt, maybe Liam but I haven't heard from him in weeks just one more person who left me when I needed them. How was I suppose to get up and attend his funeral? How was I suppose to say goodbye to the only man who had never betrayed me? The mourning period was almost over and the arrangements were being made for his services. His body was held by the corner for an autopsy there was foul play suspected not just from the stabbing but his death itself raised suspicion. Mum of course told me none of this Phi was texting me details as she heard them through the grapevine. They held it for over two weeks while they preformed all sorts of tests and searched for clues, she said the palace was swarmed with federal agents police and media. Everyone was being questioned, so far mum had kept them away from me which I was glad for since I remembered nothing from that night. My dad's body was just released on Monday now began the royal family traditions. Most people have one viewing than a burial nope not the royal family. Major royal funerals, especially those of sovereigns, are made up of a series of ceremonies extending over several days, public and private, religious and secular, and presenting different aspects of the deceased. I wasn't allowed to help plan any of it of course it was all taken care of by Rachel the prime minster the Earl Marshal, with assistance by the heralds of the College of Arms.

They knew so little about my dad as a person though they knew him simply as the king how any of what they planned would reflect of my dad as a person would be what tore me apart. This service should be about him as a person not as a king. Tears slipped down my face as I tried to fight them off, I was sweating again feeling dizzy. I knew I should come out but I didn't want to face my mum not now. I couldn't look at her I would fall apart. There had to be more to life than just being a sovereign how would my service be like? Royal tradition usually involved three days of the public lying-in-state, than the day of the service there is a street procession to Paddington Station, a train journey to Windsor, a procession from the station to the Castle, and a culminating religious service in St. George's Chapel. I could only imagine what they would have to say about me the party princess who did nothing to help society. Light blinded me as I felt mum rip the safety of my womb apart I couldn't even scream my throat was so sore. I felt her grab my wrist and tear them away from my face pushing me back. "_Eleanor snap out of this I know your hurting but this isn't helping you this depression is going to kill you" _Was she serious? I was in heart failure I was already dying. I was ugly as hell I had seen my reflection this morning when she tried to brush my hair out holding up a mirror for me my face was sunken in, I had no color my eyes were bloodshot my hair was thinning and dull. Dark circles lined my under eyes. "_Eleanor please I know this is hard but please you have to try" "Hard?" _I whirled around to her not a good idea because it caused waves of pain to rip through my whole body. _"Hard is when your five and fall off your bike and have to get back on which by the way my dad helped me get back on not you queen" "This is fucking impossible __there's a part of me that __want__s__ to live mother but my body is failing me I want a chance to make up for all the shit I have done but my body has different ideas" "__What do you mean part of you?" "I mean there's a part of me that doesn't see the goddamn point I'm not worthy of a new organ I haven't done anything for the greater good not like dad, he deserved to live and he's dead so why should I live?" "Why should I even want to?" "I don't I just want to be with dad and Robbie" "__I don't want to be the one who upsets everyone disappoints everyone" "Your not sweetheart your the most amazing light of my life" "Liar" _Pain rushed from my head as vomit rose mum was quick to grab a basin as I threw up gasping for air as I removed the tube from my nose so it wouldn't get splattered on. When I was done and laid back I felt so lightheaded as if I had run too fast in a high altitude. She ran a cloth over my face my body was shivering one minute than too fucking hot the next. She covered me with a blanket kissing my check. "_What can I do for you Eleanor?" "Nothing Mum no one can help me now" "I'm on my own as I always am"_ I turned away as I felt her squeeze my hand I know I was hurting her but I didn't care. She hurt me all these years. I heard her sigh as she left I should feel better hurting her back shouldn't I? It's what I always dreamed about but I didn't I just felt alone. Days were so hard but nights they were impossible. I wanted Phi by my side but I hated knowing she was going against her dad and I know that hurt her I never wanted her to hurt. I had no real friends I never really had any in school just people I partied with they were no where around now.

I was alone just the way I always wanted so why did I feel so crappy? 


	54. Chapter 54

**Eleanor**

Fever I heard the word along with a few others like Pneumonia as well as testing. I was coughing so hard I couldn't stop gasping no matter how much oxygen they gave me it never seemed enough. I heard something about an infection. I felt my mum's hands stroking me as I drifted in and out of a state of conscious. I was moved back to the PCICU where I remained for three days. After three days I was being wheeled down for tests when I heard the running of little feet and a tiny voice calling my name. _"Princess Eleanor!" "__Brigit __oh my god how are you?" "I'm good I'm just here for a tune up and than I can go home a few days at the most why are you here?" "I'm just here to entertain everyone" _She giggled as I tickled her. "_Where's your mummy Brigit?" "She's not here she had to go back home to take care of my brothers and sisters" "So your on your own?" "Yes Princess but I'm a big girl I'm okay" _She clapped out laughing and squealing her energy was off the charts she was just so happy which just made me sadder. When did all my energy from youth and happiness go away? After the tests I was moved back to the normal unit but mum refused to allow me to go to bed she wheeled me to the activity room. I felt angry at her cursing her out but she didn't let anything stop her wheeling me to the piano where Brigit was trying to learn to play. She was adorable but so little. "_How long have you been playing?" _She jumped giggling as she threw her arms around me. "_I haven't really I always wanted to take lessons but mummy says it's too expensive" "Well I'm no Mozart but I can play a little would you like me to teach you?" "Who's Moart?" _I laughed softly it still hurt to laugh from where the tube was down my throat again. She was just so adorable trying to say his name. _"Mozart was an amazing composer, do you know what a composer is?" "No I'm only this many" _She held up five fingers I tickled them coughing hard. _"Well a composer is someone who writes a music score and a music score is the notes you see here on this page that your playing from" "Was he good?" "Uh yea one of the best" "So he was like you cause you are the best princess" _I was touched by her innocence she wasn't being trained to say this she wasn't scared of losing something she was just speaking from her heart. I started playing for her and slowly teaching her. She was careful studying each move I made each key humming out there sounds. Every day I taught her how to read music and which key was which starting with teaching her each note as an animal she was quick to learn that there were only seven notes repeated over and over. "_The right hand plays high notes so we think of high how?" "Like an airplane flying high to it's own melody" _ Her voice rose like a valley girl squealing which made her laugh even harder. _"Great Brigit now the left hand plays what?" "Low notes like a diver diving low into the ocean" _She lowered her notes squinting her eyes making it even more funny. _ "Can you tell the difference?" "Yes one sounds like a cat screeching" _She made a loud horrible screeching sound giggling_ "One sounds like a cat growling" _She growled as I tickled her I liked how her laughter filled me with a new energy. That night we cuddled together while I read to her a kids story. I could see she was sad without her mummy when it was late and everyone was asleep so I asked if she could be moved in with me. I held her hand while she got, shots received treatments. Falling asleep became easier when I was holding her at nights, I swear I saw mum cry a little watching me even though she was trying not to get caught. I was so tired and as hard as I tried I just couldn't shake it. For the next few days they did endless tests on me trying to come down with whatever was m aking me so sick they didn't think it was just from my heart failure. A little wave of fear went through me as I thought of all the possibilities of what it could be.

They still didn't have any answers but my Pneumonia was cleared up so they finally gave me my D/C papers. Thanks to the antibiotics they gave me I was starting to feel a little stronger. Mum was signing me out when Brigit came running up clapping throwing her arms around me. "_Guess what?" "What baby?" "I'm going home to!" "You are awesome!" _Her mum came up smiling wearily at me trying to get her daughter to come with her. "_Firecracker we have to go I know you love the princess but we have along journey to go" _

"_We can take you ma'am there's no reason to take the bus" "Thank you princess but we surely could not trouble you" "Really it's no trouble Ma'am I would love to spend more time with peanut and make life a little easier in the progress" "that's very kind of you I wish to thank you for the kindness you have shown my daughter she's a handful but honestly we are okay taking the bus" "No Mummy I hate the bus I wanna ride with the princess!" "Sweetheart what have I told you about whining" _I heard mum come up before I saw her, no one wears heals like hers. "_Beatrice my dear I understand that you don't want to feel like your stepping over some invisible line but honestly we are just like any other person no better no worse we would be honeyed to give you two lovely ladies a ride home" "If you don't do it __for Brigit please do it for me as a way to thank you for everything Brigit has done for us" _She looked at us strangely "_Whatever could my little firecracker could of done?" "Princess Eleanor is a life savor to me my Queen I can't always be here for Brigit not with my other kids at home and no husband of family to help she's kept my daughter happy safe she's made sure she wasn't scared or lonely and she's taught her more in a week with the piano than I have been able to in three years" "I thank you for telling me this Beatrice I'm so proud to know Eleanor has stepped up her game and has helped I always knew she had it in her" "However I also have seen how depressed she's been with the passing of her father in truth I have been beyond worried about her mental state Brigit has helped bring back my daughters light" _Beatrice curtsied to us_ "My condolences queen and Princess on your loss King Simon is was an honorable good man his loss has shaken the entire nation" _My stomach felt heavy my head was starting to hurt thinking about my dad who was to be buried tomorrow. _"I'm glad my daughter could help it would be an honor to ride with you" _

Brigit was so excited as she slide into the town car which was stocked with fruit snacks and juices, mum poured herself and Beatrice a glass of bourbon. Both were in awe at everything in the car but all I could do was lay my head back on the seat feeling drained now. How was I suppose to say goodbye to my dad? "_Princess!" _I jumped at Brigit's voice _"Can we play a game?" "Sure babe what would you like to play?" "I don't know what do you got?" "How about I spy?" "Yay!"_ I started giving clues as she looked around in awe and curiosity. It took a long time to get to her hometown but once we got there I was shocked to see how all the buildings were falling apart covered in graffiti, kids were wearing second hand clothes playing with balls of tape. Windows were blown out the roads were nothing but stones and dirt. Stopping in front of one of the worst looking buildings people were sleeping on the ground one man was peeing against the building. Brigit jumped out running to her brothers and sisters and friends. I was saddened to see the state she was living in as well as shocked. Mum helped me out there was no way the wheelchair was fitting in here so she slowly carefully held me up as we made our way out. "_Princess Princess come meet my friends" _Blushing I cursed myself mentally for not giving more care to how I looked, mum must of read my mind because she leaned me against the car brushed my hair with her fingers quickly fixing my makeup. "_Your naturally beautiful Eleanor stop worrying"_ Mum whispered the words but they made my heart soar. "_Princess this is my best friend Sarah and our friends Leah, Lacey, Macy and Rachael" _all the girls squealed as they ran to me their eyes wide. All asking a million questions which I tried to answer as fast as possible. I felt mum starting to hurt trying to hold me up so I apologized to them excusing us Brigit pulled me inside her apartment which was four floors up by the time I got there I was wheezing and Mum looked ready to collapse. The smell of urine and mold hit me instantly her mum looked embarrassed apologizing about the mess. Each room was filled with papers, books, dust, dirt dishes, the living room was doubled as a bedroom where Brigit and her two sisters shared. There was a single mattress which was stained with god knows what, bugs covered the walls. My eyes filled up but I I refused to let them be shown I didn't want to insult them. "_Mum I didn't know you were coming home so early I was trying to prepare a surprise for you both and you brought the queen and princess" "Sweetheart don't worry about it that's so sweet that your trying to cook for us I appreciate it" _

She went over and hugged her thirteen year old son._ "Chet I want you to meet your queen and your princess" "It's a pleasure dear what are you cooking it smells delicious" _Mum shock his hand smiling asking him his face lite up as he stumbled impressed by the queen. If only he knew her like I did. _"Thanks I learned it last week in school it's chicken in a AL forno sauce with biscuit dough on the bottom. I've chopped up onions, garlic, peppers, mushrooms, shredded cheese, celery than coated the top with a biscuit layer." "Sounds amazing Chet I'm so sorry we can't stay but I would love it if you would come over sometime and cook that for us we would give surely pay you" "Really? Like a real cooking job?" "Absolutely Do you like cooking?" "i love it I want to be a professional chef one day" "Than by all means you should come over and study with some of the top chefs in the industry" "Seriously that would be a dream!" _The smells were starting to make me dizzy I didn't understand how anyone lived like this, even without a heart disorder this was sickening. After a few more words mum excused us explaining that she wanted to get me home so I could lay down. She even arranged a day for Chet to come over and cook inviting them all to the palace for a day. By the time I got back into the car I was in a full on coughing fit vomiting and feeling feverish but what really made me break was thinking about Brigit living there. I couldn't stop the tears from falling there was no way to hide it mum never said a word against me she just pulled me into her arms. Rubbing my back trying to get me to calm down. "_Eleanor this is what your father and I have tried to teach you kids since you were little you were lucky to be born with the riches the advantages and privileges you were not everyone gets handed the kingdom some most inf act have to bust their asses everyday at jobs they hate to even manage a living" "I made my own destiny Eleanor I chose to marry your father to give myself my family a better life. I grew up on a farm with not a lot of money I know what it's like to work hard and earn very little." "I believed in myself now look ow fabulous I am." _Rolling my eyes I laid my head on her shoulders._ "__J__ust keep believing in Brigit and she'll be fine she's a scrappy little girl but she has energy happiness and love so big she can be anything she puts her mind to all those kids" "__Oh and Eleanor" "Yes Mum?'' _ _"Your pretty fucking fabulous yourself babe so believe in yourself" _Closing my eyes I leaned my head down on her chest hearing her strong heartbeat feeling a new found respect for my mum she rubbed my back luring me to sleep. 


	55. Chapter 55

**Phi**

I was so angry right now my dad had me under lock and key I couldn't even go to the damn bathroom without a female guard waiting with me. I was going crazy no one was giving me any updates on Lenny, I was only able to sneak a track cell phone that Nick brought from me but I could only chance texting her at school. She wouldn't give me the truth either always telling me she was doing okay. Liam wasn't talking to me at all in fact I had no idea where he was if he was still home or had gone on one of his benders again. Right now I was pacing looking out the window but it faced the back of the palace grounds which was no help at all. "_Ophelia stop pacing it won't help" "No dad I know nothing will help the only thing that will help is seeing Lenny" "Well it's not going to happen so quit pacing" "Why not dad?" What is so wrong with being friends with someone?" "When she's the princess of england and her mum is the queen and that queen doesn't want you around a lot" "I don't give a damn what the queen wants" "__That's the problem Ophelia you have no filter and you were never like this until you started dating the prince and being friends with the princess their a bad influence on you" "No dad they just gave me the strength to be myself" "Yourself Ophelia I don't even recognize this person standing before me" "Well you should dad I'm the same girl I have always been the girl you raised to be strong, independent to stand her own damn ground, to follow her heart her dreams" "And your dreams included having ilcedet sex with the prince sneaking out all hours of the nights being branded an American slut kidnapping the princess and running off to a different country do you even know what people are saying about you?" "Yes dad and you know what I don't give a damn" "Now you sound like her" "Her?" "Dad she has a name" "I know what her name is Ophelia I've been guarding her since she was a freaking kid I've watched her grow up she's been like a daughter to me I'm not trying to say she's a bad person Phi in fact I think Princess Eleanor is a beautiful person inside and out but she's screwed up Ophelia she has no concept of rules she has no regard for other people's feelings" "That's not true Dad Lenny is an amazing woman who cares deeply for others she just doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve she doesn't let people see inside of her" "__She's scared form her past she has trust issues dad but she's not heartless she's not a horrible person" "No Phi but she's a whore she's a drug addict she's an alcoholic she has so many issues Ophelia and she's dying I just don't want you to get hurt" "Too late dad because I am hurt and your the one hurting me" "You'll get over her Ophelia go to New York attend the school You've been dreaming of follow your dreams it's what you always wanted since you were a kid" "Dreams change dad people change I don't care about dance now I love Eleanor I want to be with Eleanor" "What did you just say?" _Shit I slipped didn't I? My breathing was fast my eyes watering my chest hurting each sentence our voices had risen till we were shouting at each other. We stood silent now staring at each other his eyes were like two beads "_What did you say?" "I said I'm gay dad okay I'm gay and I am in love with Eleanor it was never Liam I wanted it was only Eleanor I used him to get to her, and guess what she loves me to she's admitted it to me were together dad and everyone knows it even the queen has accepted it" __ "__Well I won't Ophelia and I never will this is a phrase your corrupted by that little whore and I won't have it" "It's not your choice dad it's my life my heart my body" "Than follow your heart Ophelia and get out I won't have any daughter of mine sinning" _Without warning he smacked me I fell back in shock holding my face but once I got a grip I stared at him he pointed to the door. "_You heard me I said out!"_

I didn't even stop to ask I knew by the sound of his voice the look of disgust in his face and eyes that he was dead serious. I ran tears falling down my face mt chest hurting as I stumbled fell and picked myself back up. The elevator dinged and I raced out not even looking up big mistake. I crashed hard into a body and fell. "_Oh look at what we have here I suppose the London rain has brought all the rats out, someone get a broom and sweep this peasant back into the dirty sewer where it belongs" _Cyrus just what I needed. "_What's the matter rat did you look in the mirror and see the horror of your face?" "Shut-up Cyrus" "Excuse me did you just back talk your king __and where's the bow I am your king__?" _

"_Not my king as you pointed out I am an American you have no power over me" "Oh don't fool yourself little girl I have more power than you could ever imagine" "I would tell you to ask that slut you call a girlfriend __but oh yeah she doesn't even remember just how powerful I can be it's a shame really I almost had the little bitch"_ I stood without shaking my fists clenched did he just admit to doing something to Lenny? "_What are you talking about?" "What did you do to Eleanor?" "Nothing the little shit show did it all to herself she's been a mess for years honestly most people would look at it as an act of mercy" "But some people are too simple minded to make the connection now get out of my face before I have you arrested" _

He was hiding something I knew it and I swore if he had anything to do with Lenny being in the hospital I would find out. Right now though I had no idea what I was suppose to do, I was officially homeless parent less the reality hit me hard as I started crying. I felt sick my whole body was shivering stopping outside Lenny's room my whole body was trembling my chest was hurting so bad. Looking around I saw no one was around so I shoved open her bedroom doors and went inside. Laying on her bed I breathed in her scent curling up in a ball crying.

"_Phi?" _Slowly I looked up seeing Lenny being carried in by Marcus her mum right beside her. "_What's wrong?" "He knows Lenny I told him he kicked me out" "What?" _Marcus put her down by me one look at her I could see how strained and tired she looked. Yet she wasn't concerned about herself she wrapped her arms around me pulling me to her. As soon as I was against her smelling her hearing her heartbeat hearing her tiny shh's I lost it crying non-stop. For around twenty minutes we sat crying not talking. When we did start she ran her hand over my face kissing my nose and eyelids. "_I'm so sorry Phi I honestly never thought in a million years that you would be the one kicked out I always thought your dad was so understanding and loving" "__S__o did I Lenny but he hates me he never wants to see me again" "I don't know what to do" "Where am I suppose to go?" "Right here baby you always have a home with me" "Are you sure what about your mum?" "Mum can piss off she doesn't own me or control me" _I buried my face in her shoulder bawling as she lowered me to her bed kissing me her kisses were like a thousand tiny bubbles massaging my lips. Calming me down as I felt myself start to relax running my hands over her back and stomach causing her to moan. Pinning my back to her bed she crawled on top of me our bodies were pressed so tightly I felt every nook and cranny of her amazing body. She lifted my shirt over my head kissing my chest my breasts and nipples. Closing my eyes I let her kisses trail down my body as I held her hair back damn this felt like heaven. So much for her being tired. Without disturbing her I pulled her shirt open thankful she didn't have a pull over on so I didn't have to worry about her oxygen tube in her nose. Than her pants came off my hands rested on her bum as she rubbed her private parts against mine, her kisses keeping up their luxurious trail down my stomach as I shimmed out of my jeans. Arms wrapped around arms, legs entwined with legs breasts against breasts skin on skin lips melting with lips breaths moans so much pleasure. "_Eleanor it's time for your oh my god!" _The queen screamed as she scared the shit out of us quickly Lenny jumped off as I struggled to cover my chest now bare as Lenny held my bra in her hands grinning as my whole face flushed. "_Shit Lenny I'm sorry I should of knocked! Heaven help my eyes" _The queen backed up covering her eyes as Lenny just laid back taking deep breaths laughing. "_It's only sex mum don't worry I won't die from it or anything" "Not funny little girl take these pills and go to bed Ophelia will be talking in the morning" _Great just great I buried my head in Lenny's chest after she swallowed her pills trying not to choke as she laughed. "_Not funny!" _I hit her hard as she laughed even harder coughing. "_Oh no it's hysterical babe" _She hit me with my own bra "_Ow the metal just stung me bitch now kiss it and make it better" "Oh that can be arranged" _So began the descent of kissing. 


	56. Chapter 56

**Liam**

Deja Va in French it means "Already seen" it basically having a phenomenon of having a strong sensation that one has already seen or experienced an event even of it didn't happen. Expect in this case it already had only four months ago we buried Robbie. Here we stood a family of four which only a few days before had been a family of five. Cyrus and his two girls stood stiff trying to find some resemblances of sadness the truth was none of them cared. Than Dad stood tall regal and saddened yet still the ever the glorious king. Mum stood covered in her warpaint looking stiff than Eleanor and I stood. I have no idea how many drugs Lenny took to get through that day but somehow she stood tall silent hiding her eyes behind her big black sunglasses. That day was one of the hardest I had ever had to face, burying my only brother my older brother the one I idolized who's shadow I had always stood in now with his passing all eyes were on me. Now here I was again with Lenny and mum a family of three. Mum stood beside Lenny who was sitting as tall as she could in her wheelchair wishing she could have some real drugs. All morning she had been freaking out about people seeing her in this wheelchair. A sheer chill went through me as I tried to keep calm it wasn't from the weather either, I could see Lenny's face her eyes taking it all in. What was she thinking? Was she thinking about the fact that soon we would be a family of two? That sent a colder sharper shiver through my body as I glanced at my mum. A few feet away stood Ted Marcus and Phi she wasn't even looking at her dad, I wondered what the hell had happened there? She was looking pale her face stained with tears which I knew was more than sadness over my dad's passing. I didn't spend months with her without getting to know her. Why did I care though? She betrayed me hurt me without giving a damn. Deep breath Liam, Mum was looking at me. Stepping forward I glanced one last time at Lenny who smiled weakly at me no Liam not without her, I bent down and took her hand. "_Were a team Lenny always and forever" _I kissed her forehead than her check she smiled weakly "_You forgive me?" "Of course Lenny your my best friend my sister my twin" _Her eyes questioned me how she was suppose to get down the stairs. Quietly and gently I scooped her out of the chair she was so light she barely weighed anything now. Her thin arms wrapped around my neck and shoulders, the entire crowd stood silent tears streaming down their faces some gasping slowly they started clapping. As I walked down to the front of the steps they started throwing roses towards us chanting "_Prince Liam, Prince Liam" _Once we got t_o _Fiona I helped Lenny down holding her up she was shaking but stood straight next to me as Fiona bowed to us. "_It is with our deepest sympathy that we mourn with you here today" "__Thank you Fiona my sister and I are so proud to have been raised by the greatest man on earth to us he was and always will be dad a great king a great leader a great dad a great man he wasn't afraid to stand up and fight for what he believed in even if it wasn't favored in the majority I promise I will find out who did this to our dad and I will reclaim my rightful birth right" _Lenny cleared her throat I could see that her strength was wavering her breathing becoming heavier. "_My dad taught me that choices made whether good or bad follow you forever and affect everyone in their path one way or another and that the lesson will always repeat itself unless you see yourself as the problem not others yet he also taught me to learn from my mistakes to grow and do better he was a man of few but always wise words so I ask all the children teens and even young adults here today to please listen to your parents take head of their words for they do know best I wish I could go back and do things over make my dad proud but he's gone now so I can't" _

I squeezed her shoulders as we walked slowly to the crowd mum was by her other side within seconds helping her to stand straighter. Walking even a few steps sapped her already weakening strength but she made it to the crowd who bowed handing us roses, flowers kissing our hands. Mum was ever so gracious as always talking with the crowd helping Lenny who seemed to be growing weaker. By the time we got the limo she could barely sit up her body just seemed so weak.

I was expecting mum to have a smart remark but she said very little just poured herself some brandy than poured some water for us, I took it eying her as Lenny shock her head curling up on the seat resting her head in my lap. Fear consumed me when did she grow so weak? Mum looked out of the window not glancing at us. Swallow it Liam now was not the time for snide remarks. There were so many questions burning in my head. The procession took it's time through the streets of England as on lookers threw flowers waved flags taking pictures and videos nothing remained private anymore. Inside the church which was warm way to warm yet I saw Lenny wrap her arms around herself why was she so cold? Mum seemed prepared for this though wrapping a blanket around her tenderly stroking her check. The service was long many speakers went up and said kind words about our dad but Lenny was uncomfortable the whole time barely looking at them. Mum whispered some harsh words to her but nothing seemed to bring her out of this trance. The speakers ranged form celebrities to parliament. "_Everyone is talking about what a great king he was but what about him as a person his hopes dreams his passions his role in our lives?" "This isn't a service for Simon Henstridge it's just for the king of England he was more than that" "Darling I know that's how you feel but we are Royal and our lives are not ours now you need to suck it up and deal with it gracefully" _"_No I don't Mum I've had to deal with everything my whole life with no choice I won't let anyone disregard my father they did it in life I won't let his death be in vain" _ Before either of us could stop her she wheeled herself up to the stage on the wheelchair ramp and over the feet of The president of the United States Of America there were gasps all around as she lowered the Mic shocking the president as Mum lowered her head in her hands cursing. Clearing her throat she looked around as the chatter lessened.

_Good Afternoon everyone I want to thank all of you for coming out here for showing us such love and respect. You knew him as King Simon but to my brothers Robert and Liam we simply knew him as Daddy. Looking back at my daddy's life one word comes to mind values he was a man of principle and values. From the time I was a kid he was always teaching us by example not just by words he always said talk is cheap Lenny people can hear your words read your words but what they will remember is your actions cause actions have consequences. __My dad wasn't perfect but he was a leader even at age six he lead his class in organizing one of the largest food drives for the homeless in London. He loved school never missed a day even earned perfect attendance. My father never let his fellow man down he fulfilled every obligation, commitment doing so with a smile. While it was true he was born into a lifestyle of wealth and privilege and yes he did indulge in these things from the finest wines art music, food houses, travel he never forgot that it was because of the hard work of the people his people that he was able to maintain his lifestyle. He was loyal to those who were loyal to him he chose his friends wisely because simply we never know who we can trust so when we find someone worthy of our love and trust he was right by their side. It was my dad who taught Liam and I at age 12 to mix a martini something. He wanted me to know that it was okay to drink if I did it with maturity the problem was I wasn't mature and I took his showing me as a sign that it was okay to drink he never told me it was he told me everyday how dangerous it was. I should of learned form his example my dad while he drank never became drunk never did or said things in the heat of the moment he could never say it was the booze because he was always in control of his actions. moderation is what he always said. My father loved to joke but he was never insensitive he was always careful to chose his jokes and think of what they meant to others. My dad the king your king was a handsome man who had plenty of female admires and his eyes while they wandered and lead his mind to think some in pure and naughty thoughts he was a man of his vows even when his heart was broken by his wife's betrayals he never took revenge" _I watched Mum's face flush as she fanned herself off glaring at Lenny who stood proud and tall up there every eye was on her every ear was glued. Cameras flashed making her squint people stood to record her speech which made me strangely angry she was speaking from her heart they couldn't even be decent every moment to them was public.

"_My dad stood by the woman who cheated on him and played him like a fool he helped her become the strong beautiful radiant queen you all know today he showered her with affections and love their marriage wasn't perfect but my dad never stopped trying" __H__e wanted to give us a perfect childhood the white picket fence the American dream even though were British he always believed in the values of families, trust, __love. My dad showed my dutchie all the love and support in her personal and career development even though she was the reason his family fell apart he held no grudge" I never really saw my dad cry even when Robbie was taken from us so soon so tragic he stood as a tower of strength for us. I know he hurt but he never showed it instead he taught us to chose love even if in the end it hurt us love was never wrong" He had a quite dignity a self respecting inner peace he treated others like he wanted to be treated he never judged even when we did stupid things like getting kicked out of school for drugs usage getting arrested he just told me to do better be stronger love myself more, I wish I had listened" Instead I am left with his last words ever spoken to me in this life "I'm disappointed in you Lenny I really am" I can't take my actions back and I can't undue the damage that I have done nor can I ever bring my dad back but I can do for others what he tried to do for me listen to your parents don't wait till it's too late, don't allow yourself to be put in a position here your parents have to wait anxiously every night afraid that when the phone rings it will be some corner calling to inform them that their kid is dead, embarrassed when your face is on the papers smearing your name half lies half truth" __see my dad was more than just a king more than just a royal figure he was my hero and I let my hero down he stood with duty decency reliability, honour, dignity respect and pride, even in the end amongst all the lies deceit and heartbreak he never stopped believing in love that's what I will always remember about my dad. An unending unwavering love our family chain is broken now nothing will ever be the same but I know he is with my brother smiling down and soon I will be called to join them, one day years from now we will all stand together again as the chain will link again"_

I stood up clapping tears streaming down my face as Lenny stood eyes casted around at her as every single person started to rise Phi stood after me than our cousins even though Cyrus growled, than my mum soon the whole church was smiling crying and clapping as Ted went over with Marcus helping her down.

The burial was the hardest part laying him in the ground there was a finality about it that tore my heart into a million pieces I wanted to crawl in there with him but I couldn't that was when Lenny broke down crying. I held her close holding her up until she just couldn't stand anymore. As I threw the rose down on his coffin I swore silently glaring at Cyrus I would find out everything I had to just to restore the monarchy I would make my dad proud.

In the limo of course was when the fireworks started Mum on her third glass of gin glared at Lenny sneering. "_Really Eleanor how many times have I told you about speaking without being scripted?" "You made me seem like a slut" "I only spoke the truth mother if you can't handle it that's not my bloody problem someone had to honour daddy because no one there gave a damn about him as a person just as a king he's more than a king" _ _"Always the dramatic little bitch Eleanor your father knew his place in life he was fine with it" ""Really Mum fine? Than if he as so fine why did he file the referendum?" "Dad wasn't fine he hated the monarchy he wanted it to end your the only one who can't live without the money the power Queen" _Her hand rose so fast I couldn't stop it slapping her across the face gasping I reached over graping her shocked hurt face. "_You call Lenny a bitch Mum who hits their sick kid?'" "Not sick Liam dying but as usual mum shows that she only cares about one thing the family image not the family" "Stop being so dramatic Eleanor your not dying your sick but we will find a heart for you" _

"_Why bother mother if I'm such a disappointment to you wouldn't it be better if you just let my failing organs do their job or not do their jobs than you can breathe easy with your throne and your image. I'm sure you can work the story for all the sympathy Queen loses her only daughter" _I breathed in deep waiting for the comeback but my mum simply looked at her I couldn't tell if she was tearing up or so angry she was clouding up. I had to turn away from Lenny did she really think she mattered that little to any of us? Was she really giving up not even trying to fight anymore?

Laying her down when we got back to the palace I stayed by her side there was so much to do I had to talk to Mum yet I didn't want to leave Lenny alone. Suck it up Liam you'll have to talk to Phi but first you have to find her. Kissing Lenny's head I sighed getting up she was so worn out nothing was going to wake her. "_Lenny?" _Phi stood in the doorway her face pale her body shaking but damn she still looked so beautiful. Shaking my head I cleared my thoughts how could I think she was beautiful how could my heart beat so hard seeing her there yet I thought Kylie was smoking as well, maybe I was to blame for some of this mess. Man up Liam own your mistakes it wasn't all her fault. You played your part to just like your mum did. Oh crap I'm turning into my mum. FML


	57. Chapter 57

**Liam**

Phi gasped quickly seeing me wiping her eyes dry seeing me making her jump quickly standing up I moved towards her extending the invite to come in. _"Ophelia how are you?" _She seemed genuinely shocked I was talking to her. _"Been better how about you?" "Same Phi I'm sorry our fight was brutal and I was out of line I'm hurt by everything that went down and I can't take it out on Lenny so I took it out on you which was wrong and crappy, you didn't deserve it and I sure as hell am not innocent" "No I did deserve it Liam I mean I cheated on you which was wrong so I should be called out on it" "Not in the way I did Phi I was raised to be respectful of woman to value them treasure them and my dad would be so ashamed of how I treated you talked to you" "No Liam _She approached me laying her hand on my check her hand was so warm so full of love. _"Your dad would be so proud of you I see the changes your trying to make it's not easy or fun but your stopping the drinking your taking care of your sister even being there for your mum who isn't the easiest person to deal with" _I smiled at her as she hugged me damn she felt so amazing her small body fit perfectly into my arms. Something was going on with her though I could feel her body shaking she felt too thin. Sitting down I took her hands into mine. _"You know about NYC Liam but there's more" "More? What do you mean?" _She looked around hurried over checking outside Lenny's doors than closing them tightly. Lunching into a detailed attack on her encounter with Cyrus and her suspicious. My heart skipped a beat thinking that he was that close to killing Lenny, where was I when all this was going on? Not where I should be, swallowing I hung my head down. After I told her about everything I discovered we sat there in silent for a few minutes. Reaching over I hugged her "_My dad knows Liam he kicked me out guess karma's a real bitch after all huh?" "You didn't deserve this Phi I'm sorry but you know Lenny and I will always be here with you for you" First though I need to go talk to my mum can you stay with Lenny please?" "Of course be-careful Liam" _ "_I will but this will take a few days I need your help" "Of course Liam whatever you need"_


	58. Chapter 58

**Liam**

My mum stood motionless sipping her brandy as I walked in trying to control my temper she was staring at a picture of us when we were younger. Turning around she jumped seeing me standing there placing her hand on her heart she gasped. "_Honestly Liam why would you do that to me?" "Did your heart stop mum?" "Yes in fact it did for a minute" "Good now you know how dad feels how Lenny feels every time you cheated on him every time you hit Lenny tell her she's worthless or maybe when you lied to her and told her dad wasn't our dad denying her a life saving heart do you know his heart was a perfect match for her" "Liam I .. "Save it queen because I do know I did the research I read his medical files I read hers it would of worked but wait you knew that already didn't you?" Yet you still looked into her face lied to her __how does it feel queen knowing that when your daughter dies you'll have no one to blame but yourself" "Liam what are you talking about?" "I'm talking about how everyone around you suffers queen first dad you broke his heart you used him ripped him apart than killed him, I know it was you that pulled dad's machines I know you and Cyrus conspired to take the throne than there was Alistair mum you know the man you claimed to love for so long the one you cheated on dad with the man who took every lie every promise and held onto it hoping for years that one day you would chose him but in the end you used him denied him and left him on his own to die at the ends of your henchman" "What are you talking about?" "You keep saying that mum but your not seeming to grasp what I'm telling you Cyrus and Lucius had Alistair killed he's dead mum" I know because he died in front of me" _Mum covered her mouth gasping she looked away _"Than there's Robert your first born mum your pride and joy no wait he wasn't was he? All he was to you was the heir to the throne you drove him mad mum with all your demands the constant pressure __that's why he joined the military to get away and what did it get him? Dead all because you trusted Cyrus and Cyrus turned around and killed him, "Liam that's simply not true, no Mum it is I have the proof" "Proof what are you talking about?" _I whipped out the recorder that I had planted in Cyrus's phone pressing play I watched her face as she heard the words out loud "_I didn't get to chose my own destiny but I am making my own the end will justify the means Robert simply wasn't going to let up so he had to be stopped __it pained me to have to do it I mean he was magnificent really a perfect king but he was a daddy's boy he would of betrayed me instantly so he had to be stopped Helena must never find out she must keep believing it was a suicide our lifestyle is a lifestyle worth preserving so you will keep doing what I tell you my little wrench cause as long as I am king that little bastard will be set for life, the twins have been declared illegitimate and no one is the wiser Helena will keep quite hell she even let her own bastard believe the lie on her deathbed ashame really cuz she has a light about her she really could be an amazing queen if it wasn't for the drugs and her stubbornness nothing will stop us now I've taken care of Alistair he's never going to be a problem again he's dead and gone good riddance. Soon the princess will be dead and Helena will be able to once again focus on her duties as queen."_

"_So mum what are we going to do now?" _Her eyes filled with tears as she stared at me anger lines outlined her face as she swallowed. "_We take the goddamn king of England down" _


	59. Chapter 59

**Phi**

"_Why am I here mum?" _Lenny whined as the limo pulled through the pebble and dirt streets. Liam was rubbing her arms as Helena cleared her throat. "_It's like the letter said baby your here to help other girls and I hope they can help you in return" "I told you I didn't want to go here I'm fine at home in bed" "No your not sweetheart you haven't been for awhile with your dad's passing things have been really emotional for you being here will help you clear your head and get back your fight" _Eleanor sighed as Liam read the letter out loud.

"_Dear Princess Eleanor I would like to extend an invite to you for the summer it's a chance like no other there's no strings attached. I understand you have been sick hurt scared depressed and angry probably feeling alone. Your not alone Eleanor there are others who have suffered through no fault of their own. Sometimes we all need a helping hand there's no greater medicine than seeing a kid smile when they feel they matter to someone. Cam Fisi aims to bring together kids and young adults who share similar stories we've been going strong for six years now. I would be honored if you would accept my invitation to become a consular at camp fisi I know you will be an inspiration to so many kids your smart beautiful compassionate and have the means to change lives" _

"_It's probably a trick mum who is this person no one can identify them even Ted's team can't figure it out so why are you falling for this?" "It's not a trick Lenny I met the young lady behind this soon you will to she really is amazing just like you" _

We pulled up to the camp Liam opened up the door helping me out his mum followed slowly we helped Lenny out I held her up while Liam got her chair out. Another young woman came out was this the young lady behind it all? "_Liam! Your back awesome, "Hey Kylie _Liam came over and kissed her so this was the girl he cheated on me with my eyes scanned her over she wasn't extraordinarily beautiful she seemed sweet but she couldn't be all sugar and spice if she could sleep with him knowing he was with someone else. Going inside I saw Lenny's eyes scanning the impressive lodge. Helena went over and talked to a lady with long black hair as this Kylie girl showed Lenny to her room. Holding her hand I felt how annoyed she was. I only hoped she would be okay with all of this it felt so wrong to trick her into this. The room was pretty decent sized we helped Lenny to lay down on one of the beds she seemed so weak. Laying down by her I held her kissing her savoring the sweet cherry taste. "_Lenny please don't rush to judgment allow yourself to open up listen to the stories of the other girls, I want you home but I want you safe and healthy and happy" _"_When I think about almost losing you Lenny I would rather die" "Don't say that Phi _She placed her fingers over her delicate lips. Which I quickly sucked up as she giggled feeling a smile form I leaned over and kissed her forehead. Her laughter turned to coughing which became gasping. Her heart was pounding so hard she was turning blue. Breathing such a normal task that people took for granted.

"_I love you Lenny just open your mind and allow yourself to feel good your dad would want you to be happy" _


	60. Chapter 60

**Eleanor**

I can't believe my mum just dumped me at this camp and left me of course I couldn't escape either Liam was staying to watch me. Right now he was sitting on my bed as I napped well tried to nap he thought I was asleep but I couldn't sleep my heart was beating so hard I felt sick. What was he thinking? Him and mum had been so secretive lately talking in hushed tones planning secret meetings.

The opening of the door startled me as I yawned watching as a young girl walked in with her suitcase wheeling behind her. "_Hi I'm Zam__ira__ Duval from Sidney welcome to camp fisi your a first timer right?" "Yes how did you know?" "Cause I've been coming to here since I was 13 I'm 19 now your my new cit this year will have two girls to mentor" _She went over to the bed next to mine unpacked and shock hands with Liam. Taking a seat by me as he excused himself kissing my check. Great now he leaves. I struggled to get up as she came closer and helped me. "_The more you struggle the weaker your body becomes relax first than you can lift yourself up" "I know cause I use to have a bad heart as well before my transplant it was hellish but I got through it so can you"_

Two more girls came in she jumped up squealing running to hug them.I learned their names were Alexandra Olivia who is 16 she's had leukemia since she was 12 had two relapses but was now cancer free for a year after a bone marrow transplant. She used the money she got from fisi to go to La where she landed a modeling contract. The next girl is Carly Miranda she's 14 she's diabetic and had a kidney transplant two years ago. She used the money to build a foundation for kids with diabetes. No one seemed to know anything about the Raj chick which was driving me nuts. After we ate Zamira and I talked in private. I learned she was a child actress who became famous in Australia through modeling and commercials staring in a children's tv series and she was introduced to heroine when she was 11 after using only a few times she had a heart attack. She worked to get clean butt the damage was done so she was put on the transplant list for over three years before she was able to receive a transplant. Her family went through so much her parents divorced her dad died and left her mum struggling to raise five kids with a minimal wage job. So she used the money to buy her family a new house on the goldcoast. Now she's trying to go to school to be a drug and alcohol counselor. She talked about the pressure of fame and the industry the standards expectations. I could relate so much to her how she felt alone because her family had kicked her out when her drug use became so bad. Which made me sick my family had never thrown me out even though I caused way more heartache and pain than she did. Mum stood by me dad believed in me Liam encouraged me to keep fighting.

Each day was filled with activities, games we woke up around 7:30 had breakfast went swimming or had archery baseball even though I couldn't run. It was great helping the little kids trying to bat to pitch I enjoyed working with them. I even took a songwriting class a cooking class fishing was hysterical I screamed when I caught the fish and it jumped up at me. I never wheeled out of something so fast. Alex and I started a youtube channel giving advice to kids on how to deal with sickness bullying drugs, peer pressure, sex, makeup we did comedy skits. I couldn't believe it when we reached over a million subscribers in less than two days fans started writing in asking for all kinds of advice asking questions which felt pretty awesome to be able to help them. We started getting a lot of comments thanking us for caring for taking the time to help.

I rode horses helped the younger kids ride. We played tennis I had vocal classes. I found myself being less tired every night after dinner at six we had a fire and sang songs did skits or shared stories. I felt closer to these girls than I ever had to anyone even Devon. Wednesday we had a birthday party for Priscilla who was 14 turning 15. I watched while kids danced and laughed ate cake, I made a sign in wood shop with her favorite cat on it and the words live laugh love. She was so happy making plans for next year. Which made me sad would I get to see next year?

Liam must of seen me getting sad cause he hijacked my wheelchair and drove me on a crazy ride which after I almost had a heart attack and died from I started laughing squealing hitting at him. We sat in front of a fountain where he introduced me to Raj I was blown away by this young lady who I use to know who had grown into such an amazing young woman. I heard her story and was so impressed if she could change things at only 12 years old why couldn't I change how things were done at 20?

Spending time with Liam was the most amazing part he took me kayaking and had a picnic on a hilltop for me. We laid under the stars watching talking about dad and Robert. Camp ended in three weeks but I never felt so free. On the way home we stopped at mum's old farm she took Liam, I on a tour talking about her childhood which I found intriguing. We had lunch in London just the three of us than we stopped by a clinic that deals with drugs and alcohol abuse. I was able to talk to a few kids who were trying to kick the habit.

The next few weeks I worked with Rachel and our real estate agent looking at places to build finally we found one that was perfect I worked with the designer to draw out what I wanted in the facility. Every week I uploaded updates on how my project was going through youtube, twitter. This shelter would be open all year for any lgtb youth who needed to be fostered. Anything they would need they would have access to. Ophelia changed her major from dance to management she would be the CEO of this place once it opened. When we started getting closer I prepared a speech which was televised across the world. I was beyond nervous I knew I looked awful I felt pretty crappy to but I needed to do this to raise awareness. My speech centered around how amazing youth could be how people often underestimate us.

Nights were so hard for me now I was having nightmares about hell, I would see my dad and Robert in heaven calling to me but I would be pulled down into hell before I could reach them. Every night I woke up screaming sweating with a major headache. Mum would come in holding me rocking me she would be so scared, which always made me feel guilty. I felt like I was drowning in my own body fluids between the sweating, the built up fluid in my lungs, legs, arms, I couldn't hold anything down or in I would vomit or have serve diarrhea. I couldn't sleep between the coughing, pain struggling to breathe. When I couldn't breathe I researched lgtbq homeless youth what was needed to help them what their challenges were. Mum came in during one of my sleepless nights placing her arm over my shoulders. _"I'm so proud of you Eleanor for all the hard work you've been doing the change in your attitude you've really become an amazing young woman just like your dad and I always knew you could be" _I couldn't speak well the coughing was so horrible my chest was so tight so I wrote on my screen "Thank You Mum I learned from you oh and Mum I forgive you I love you" She smiled as she looked at me "_There's something else troubling you darling what is it?" _How did I explain this? I wrote down my feelings watching her face as she read the words. "I don't know how to say this Mum don't be mad but I feel like I don't have much time left" I felt her squeeze my hand "I'm scared" I wrote down "i don't want to go to hell" I've done so much in my short life so many horrible sins" "I keep thinking about death I try to to get my mind off it but it creeps up in my dreams thoughts nerves I'm scared to sleep cuz I might not wake up I don't want to die alone I don't want you or Liam to be scared or hurt you always feel like you have to be strong mum but it's okay to cry to break down even the queen has emotions and feelings and the right to feel them" Tears built up as she held me placing her hand on mine I felt her stiffen as she whispered to me. "_Don't worry about your brother or I will be fine we have each other" "Your dad and Robert are waiting for you babe_ _they will guide you protect you__You'll never be alone babe I will be here with you every step of the way" _I wrote down some other fears like what I wanted to wear in my casket what songs I wanted played at my funeral who I wanted to speak. For two hours mum and I talked it out. When I was done I was exhausted but I felt so much better.

Phi and mum stayed by my side the rest of the time Phi really took to her new role as the CEO of this shelter she visited the site checking on the progress making calls interviewing for staff members, researching for kids helping to build a website and social media awareness. Elton came by volunteering to help out he dedicated a concert to raise awareness for my shelter. He became a regular visitor at the palace him and mum had tea as I sat up in bed he encouraged me to eat I couldn't get out of bed now I was attached to every machine known to man but he kept me laughing smiling he gave me a reason to hope. He didn't stare at me the strange way most of my visitors did I can't blame them what do you do when you come face to face with death? "_Princess Eleanor I have met plenty of life changing people in my life yet you've giving me a new meaning courageous selfless and strong beyond your years I will never forget you or the lessons you have taught me, I promise I will fight for you" "I'm not courageous Sir' Elton I'm just a bitch with money and power now I have a purpose" Someone once told me money doesn't buy happiness but it can't save a life but it can open the road to change" Change can inspire someone else to fight to be brave" "If I can inspire that one person than my legacy will be complete" _I started to cough and gasp he helped me sit up mum rubbed my back she pushed my hair back sweat dripped down my body. Laying my head back I closed my eyes "_Do you have a name picked out?" "Legacy"_


	61. Chapter 61

**Liam**

I held my sisters hand as she lay unconscious she had asked not to be taken back to the hospital after her last blood work had come back. I was still in shock hearing those words "Aids" "Transplant not a possibility anymore" how did she get aids? Who gave it to her? Was it Jasper? I know it wasn't Phi was it Beck? How long had she had it? Dr. Damien kept telling us she wasn't in pain but mum wasn't convinced god this was awful mum looked years older the stress was killing her. Len would moan thrash cry out, her eyes would shoot open. We didn't leave her alone between the media trying to sneak in rude people on tours trying to sneak pictures or videos and Cyrus I was so stressed out trying to keep her safe and plan my take over on Cyrus. We touched her kissed her talked to her stroking her hair washing her up so she felt better praying listening to the steady humming of her machines. News of her condition spread like wildfire and my social media blew up letters poured in Elton came by every day and her last week he refused to leave. My grandma came and camped out it was the first time mum didn't fight her she just let herself be comforted in her mum's arms. No harsh words were uttered just holding hands and loving words. Mum's anxiety mounted with every moan from Lenny every noise the monitor made, Lenny's blood pressure dropped. We talked to Lenny letting her know it was okay to let go that we loved her and would see her in heaven.

My sister left us at 12;20 am on Aug 31 2015 she was one of the most powerful beautiful iconic woman I have ever and will ever know. I'll never be the same again a life lived not destined it's what I use to believe. Now I see you can take a life destined for you and make it your own legacy. While you fulfill your destiny you make time to live life to break tradition and start a new tradition in the end you might just inspire a nation and inspiration inspires greatness. Which inspires change.

Every action has a consequence Eleanor lived her life without a care she died caring so much it killed her. Now it's up to me to make sure her death and my father's death aren't in vain and I will make sure Cyrus pays. My dad's legacy will be my future.


End file.
